To wish that people wouldn’t comment on size?

[Whoopydodah]

I work in a hybrid role that is more remote than in the office, and I’m anti social in general so tend to speak to friends via message but only meet sporadically in person.

So I’m prepared to accept this is a me problem as it’s so prevalent.

But over the past few days I’ve had the pleasure of being in the office and socialising in person. It has varied whether it’s been a couple of weeks, a month, couple of months and in one case 6 months since I’ve seen these people.

You’ve lost weight, you look so slim, you look so good.

Except I have the awkward exchange of um no the scales say the same, I’m in the same size clothes, thanks.

But what I’m thinking is you’ve got me bigger in your memory than I am and so I appear slimmer in person, and your comment does not make me feel good about myself.

For reference I’m average, I’m 5’6, 70kg, 24.9 bmi mid 40s - so technically not overweight but carry a few pounds that I could do with losing, but not fussed enough to actually do anything about it.

AIBU to think commenting on someone’s weight is rude? Why has it become a thing that casual acquaintances, colleagues, as well as friends and family all feel it is an acceptable conversation?

Just say "oh thanks" and move on. No need to explain you haven't changed. They are being complimentary to build a relationship not actually commenting on you size, I'd say.

I agree that Teams doesn’t do anyone any favours. Also people do make more effort with their appearance when they fo into the office. I don’t know anyone who dresses as well when they wfh.

I’ve had this a lot recently. I always feel a bit meh when someone tells me I’ve lost weight because I haven’t. If anything I’ve put a few pounds on that I need to shift. I’ve always been a tall size 10/12 so I always wonder how people think I looked last time they saw me. Makes my eating disorder perk its horrible little ears up. I think it’s because in some settings I’m the thinnest and in others I’m the tall larger one.

😔💐

Except I have the awkward exchange of um no the scales say the same, I’m in the same size clothes, thanks

No you don't have to say that or explain that you weigh the same or whatever. Just nod and smile and change the subject

I agree.

People often tell me that they think I've lost weight. I absolutely never have... I just think I'm fatter in their memory than in person. I just say "oh do you think, I'm not on a diet." Which generally shuts it down. As others have said, it's just a weird way of some people thinking that they're complimenting you.

This.
And their comments could be based on what you're actually wearing at the time........some clothing can make us look bigger/slimmer

Meh. I’d just say ‘thanks’ and accept it as the compliment it’s intended to be.

I go with a general rule of, am I sure this person would want to hear this perhaps because they have spent the last 3 months being a diet bore ?

If someone hasn't said they are going to the gym, or on a diet, or on Ozempic etc, just don't mention it. They can bring it up themselves if they want praise.

And I tend to go with, haven't you done well, you have worked hard, you look happy etc, again IF I am certain they want to hear it.

I’ve found the opposite to be honest.

I work in a very large remote team and we only meet in person once every 1-2 years.

In 2023 I went to an in person team day having gained 4 stone since the last time they seen me - not one person commented.

By the time we met in 2024 I had lost the 4 stone and again no one commented.

I was a bag of nerves both times anticipating comments but I think people were too polite to say. Also, everyone is so caught up in their own stuff, I don’t think people care if you’ve put weight on or lost weight.

I don’t like it either. I have lost weight and im happy about it. I still don’t like the comments and especially the questions. No one ever said to me before ‘oh wow you’re fat’ but it feels like they’re saying ‘oh wow you were fat and now yoire less fat’.

Yeah seeing people only on video is weird and it can be hard to ignore the 'new' information when you see them in person. All I could think when I saw my colleague face to face for the first time was how tall she was, because in my head she was 3 inches shorter.

But I agree one should try to keep these thoughts to yourself and definitely not comment on weight!

Another thought, had any of your colleagues gained weight? Were they comparing themselves and had in their mind that you should be less slim than they are? People are quite self obsessed.

Of course it is rude.

Stupid woman!

Hope you're well, sounds like you gave a good team around you ,♥️💐

You reminded me of when I was a teen / young adult. Too thin, size 6-8 until late 20s, maybe 30's. Desperately wanted to put on weight so that I would have a better choice of clothing, but couldn't due to medical issues.

Loads of compliments on my size and lots of sexual interest from creepy older men 🤮

Seems better in some ways today with less super skinny unwell models, but worse with the obsession everywhere with calories and "being healthy". A family member has an eating disorder and STILL gets given "skinny" / diet versions of the drinks she asks for - coke, frappe, etc in shops when she's obviously very unwell and underweight. Makes weight restoration so much harder.

Agix I am so sad to read your post.

My daughter had anorexia for 8 years (now recovered).

You make your point very powerfully about society not caring about your health, preferring you "starving and skinny" - I really hope you have a family who you know loves you and cares very much about your health.

I wish you all the best with your recovery 💐

I'm plus size. Of course Iknow it. I have a very sweet colleague who's bigger (I don't know if that's relevant). She'll often comment on my outfit saying "oh that's a very slimming top" or similar. She says it because actually she's lovely and is trying to pay me a compliment. Yes it's clumsy but I just take it in the spirit it was intended (while internally eyerolling) and thank her.

As my teenagers would say, don't deep it.

It's highly unlikely that the people saying this put more than a seconds thought into it.

There's a woman at work who I only see maybe once a month or so and she always asks me if I've lost weight (I haven't, same bmi as you op) I can't wrap my head around it either. I have a history of ED so I try not to dwell on it but it doesn't help that she herself is very slim. To me it's one of those subjects that's best avoided, like religion or politics etc.

I'm so proud of you being upfront about this. No fucks given indeed.

But people comment on weight because it's the most important thing ABOUT THEM, TO THEMSELVES. Their comments only reflect their own internal battles. Honestly 99 per cent of people are only thinking about themselves 99 per cent of the time. I used to find that depressing, now I find it really liberating.

Maybe your face has changed? In much thinner in the face now I'm in my 40s, even though I've actually gone up a dress size at the waist

I'm totally with you. I think weight is totally irrelevant, whether you've lost, gained or stayed the same. And those people desperate for compliments after they've lost weight are ridiculous. Why not just say, how lovely to see you, what have you been up to? Why do people always have to comment on how someone looks and especially women's weight? Not all weight loss is good or healthy and not all weight gain is bad. Ffs we really need to change our mindset...how a person looks is the least interesting thing about them.

It's just conversation, meant as a compliment.