To wish that people wouldn’t comment on size?

[Whoopydodah]

I work in a hybrid role that is more remote than in the office, and I’m anti social in general so tend to speak to friends via message but only meet sporadically in person.

So I’m prepared to accept this is a me problem as it’s so prevalent.

But over the past few days I’ve had the pleasure of being in the office and socialising in person. It has varied whether it’s been a couple of weeks, a month, couple of months and in one case 6 months since I’ve seen these people.

You’ve lost weight, you look so slim, you look so good.

Except I have the awkward exchange of um no the scales say the same, I’m in the same size clothes, thanks.

But what I’m thinking is you’ve got me bigger in your memory than I am and so I appear slimmer in person, and your comment does not make me feel good about myself.

For reference I’m average, I’m 5’6, 70kg, 24.9 bmi mid 40s - so technically not overweight but carry a few pounds that I could do with losing, but not fussed enough to actually do anything about it.

AIBU to think commenting on someone’s weight is rude? Why has it become a thing that casual acquaintances, colleagues, as well as friends and family all feel it is an acceptable conversation?

Yes, I'd be pleased that I was slimmer in reality, than they thought!

Oh dear.

As I’m clearly going to have to spell it out to you, I was addressing the fact that you didn’t know ‘fatphobic’ was a legitimate English word.

Hope that’s cleared things up for you.

Oh dear. As I’m clearly going to have to spell it out to you, I know. Hence my response 🤦‍♀️

Oh dear. People can be both, sadly.

If you're stumped for what to ask for next Christmas, I recommend a course in effective English communication.

I agree

Why comment on somebody else's body?

I was in the office last week. A colleague said, ooh look at Syliva. She's so skinny! She thinks she's put on weight over xmas but she hasn't! She's slimmer than ever

Stop commenting on somebody's figure ! Its personal

It's unnecessary

I wouldn't thank them. I would ask them why they feel comfortable to talk about my size or anybody's? They'd be in no doubt that their comments are not welcomed.

People who do this, to women, in this time, are thick-witted and need to be told.

Commenting on people's weight is too much of a personal comment in my view and even if positive, could be possibly misunderstood, so best avoided.

In your case I think I would have just said 'thanks' and moved on.

YANBU, I don’t like it either, but I just say “no, I don’t think so”! I think it comes from the cultural belief embraced by many women ( certainly the women that say it to me) that we look better when we have lost weight. When those women see us and think we look good, that is the go to in their head. Therefore, I take it as “you look nice”!

I've taught my kids we don't comment on people's bodies, even if it's something perceived as positive. I would hate to tell someone that they look like they had lost weight and it turned out it was because they had cancer or they had struggled with an eating disorder or something.

Yeah I absolutely hate it. Why are you staring at my stomach? Do you also notice when I put it on? Why is losing weight a good thing? Leave my body alone.

Exactly. I’ve lost weight before for bad reasons and it was awkward and upsetting to be told about it, especially when it was always viewed positively. I also don’t like the idea they thought I was big before or cared before.

It’s feels really objectifying.

Personally I think that’s on them. The weight loss is for their own health and benefit. Do they really want people saying wow you always looked so fat to me and now you you don’t, I prefer you now.

Or you could make a point of making them feel awkward so they don’t do it again.

It's small talk, that's it.
Have a stock answer, like I'm always up and down, not intentionally trying.

Some comment on hair, nice haircut, except the person didn't have a haircut.

Ooh, your skin is glowing, your eyelashes look longer etc.

Just small talk compliments.

I agree with you OP. It annoys me when people "compliment" others' weight. It's weird that people consider commenting on it a compliment at all and that some people expect their weight loss to be commented on - there may be so many reasons for weight loss, not all of them benign.

I am perfectly fine healthwise, a steady size 10/12, but I did occasionally reply to some "oh, you look good, you've lost weight!" comments (when I haven't) with "Alas, it's not out of choice" and left them to mull it over. It usually shuts them up.

All of that sounds fake. Why do we need this ridiculous puffery? Why do women need to be assessed by others all the time? You'd think that other women would know better but some clearly don't.

I'm intolerant of it now so when I hear crap like that I respond accordingly.

Small talk is weather. We have lots of weather just for that purp;ose.

I absolutely hate people commenting on my weight, even asking "have you lost weight", I hate the idea that they're assessing my body like that, that they presumably thought I'd previously looked fat, it literally makes me want the ground to swallow me up.

I'm generally fairly easy going and thick skinned, this is about the only thing I'm sensitive about.

I think I remember dawn french in an interview saying she didn’t like people gushing over how great she looked now. As it was like an insult to her previous self who felt she loved that version of herself too.

It’s probably because you work from home, less stress and look good. They only think and you’re doing it yourself, is it’s about weight.
they’re saying you look good because you probably do, but it’s all to do with stress of working in the office opposed to working at home.
dont take it personally, just say well the only change is me working from home, less stress!

I agree.

I'm a regular gym goer but without the gym body to match - my weight fluctuates a bit depending how clean I'm eating/how many holidays I've been on recently, and I don't even weigh myself from one year to the next. I just try and stay active and eat well.

However, one acquaintance at the gym comments on my size/weight EVERY time I see her (if we end up close to each other at the same class - maybe every 6 weeks) It's always "oh, have you lost weight? You look great/really well". Now I haven't lost any significant weight for a couple of years now, so I'm assuming she just has me in her head as a "fat person" so is surprised to see me looking "reasonably fit".

It gets right on my tits! It's like she's sizing me up and judging me every time she sees me, when I don't even pay that much attention to my own weight/size. Like she expects me to be grateful for her approval 🙄

It's just chitchat. People complimenting each other. It's not deep.

It's one thing to me, another to you, the world keeps turning.

It is indeed but you are imposing on other people with your fakery. They are not doing that to you by simply existing.

One day you will blether on to a woman who will tell you straight and cut you down to size. Still, the world will keep turning.