Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel utterly fed up with my life

123 replies

lostinthememory · 12/01/2025 16:57

I'm in my mid 20's, I work full time and live in a small seaside town.

I earn minimum wage, and that's in a job that would be considered to be "good". If I was in a city, I'd be earning a hundred thousand a year, but because I'm not, it's minimum wage. When I qualify, I could maybe move to a better paying firm, but that's not on the cards now.

There are very few rentals in my town or the surrounding area, because every vacant home is bought to be a holiday rental. Any rental properties are either short term winter lets, or incredibly expensive to make up for the lost revenue in the summer. This means that the minimum salary required to rent these places tends to be £29,000, which I am nowhere near to.

Even if I found a place cheap enough for me to rent, I would need a guarantor. I've asked at lettings agencies before, my parents wouldn't be able to act as my guarantor because they're retired and most of their income comes from their rental properties. It's not seen as secure, despite their properties having been filled for the last 5 years. We've looked into whether I can rent from them (one of their tenants has been speaking about leaving), and the mortgage companies don't allow it. My parents don't wish to eat into their capital to pay off their mortgages, which is fine. They also don't wish to sell to me, again, it's not my choice.

There are three house shares currently available in my local area. Two are 4 bed houses with 3 men aged 45+, I don't feel comfortable applying for those as a young woman in my 20s. The other is with a woman who claims that you cannot have had contact with a cat for the last three years, due to her severe allergy. My cat died three months ago, so I'm out of luck there.

I'm lucky enough to live with my parents, but this means that if I were to leave, I'd be making myself voluntarily homeless. If my parents were to ask me to leave, the council would first try to negotiate a solution.

I just feel like I'm at a dead end. Every house up for sale is more than I'd ever be able to afford. I'm saving and saving but I never feel like I'm getting anywhere. I'm out of the house until late each night, I've considered a second job but I'm so exhausted by the time the weekend comes that I think it would finish me off. I just feel like an utter failure, I see comments on here about children being at home at age 21, and I see myself, still at home at age 25 and feel rotten. I just feel like there's no point bothering, because I will never get anywhere.

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 12/01/2025 17:02

The housing situation is hopeless OP, I felt absolutely desperate at your age too. I’m afraid it took me several more years, pay rises and a partner to be able to afford my own place.

It’s very normal to live at home at 25 now. Use the opportunity to save for a deposit, and you’ll get there eventually.

MidnightPatrol · 12/01/2025 17:03

“If I was in a city, I'd be earning a hundred thousand a year, but because I'm not, it's minimum wage.”

Intrigued as to what exactly this is, as it sounds quite unlikely.

lostinthememory · 12/01/2025 17:03

MidnightPatrol · 12/01/2025 17:03

“If I was in a city, I'd be earning a hundred thousand a year, but because I'm not, it's minimum wage.”

Intrigued as to what exactly this is, as it sounds quite unlikely.

Trainee solicitor.

OP posts:
TheBoysAndTheBallet · 12/01/2025 17:05

Is moving to a city for a few years an option?

lostinthememory · 12/01/2025 17:07

No, I'm in the middle of my training. By the time I qualify I can go for a medium sized firm but it's a way off yet.

OP posts:
PlumFairies · 12/01/2025 17:07

lostinthememory · 12/01/2025 16:57

I'm in my mid 20's, I work full time and live in a small seaside town.

I earn minimum wage, and that's in a job that would be considered to be "good". If I was in a city, I'd be earning a hundred thousand a year, but because I'm not, it's minimum wage. When I qualify, I could maybe move to a better paying firm, but that's not on the cards now.

There are very few rentals in my town or the surrounding area, because every vacant home is bought to be a holiday rental. Any rental properties are either short term winter lets, or incredibly expensive to make up for the lost revenue in the summer. This means that the minimum salary required to rent these places tends to be £29,000, which I am nowhere near to.

Even if I found a place cheap enough for me to rent, I would need a guarantor. I've asked at lettings agencies before, my parents wouldn't be able to act as my guarantor because they're retired and most of their income comes from their rental properties. It's not seen as secure, despite their properties having been filled for the last 5 years. We've looked into whether I can rent from them (one of their tenants has been speaking about leaving), and the mortgage companies don't allow it. My parents don't wish to eat into their capital to pay off their mortgages, which is fine. They also don't wish to sell to me, again, it's not my choice.

There are three house shares currently available in my local area. Two are 4 bed houses with 3 men aged 45+, I don't feel comfortable applying for those as a young woman in my 20s. The other is with a woman who claims that you cannot have had contact with a cat for the last three years, due to her severe allergy. My cat died three months ago, so I'm out of luck there.

I'm lucky enough to live with my parents, but this means that if I were to leave, I'd be making myself voluntarily homeless. If my parents were to ask me to leave, the council would first try to negotiate a solution.

I just feel like I'm at a dead end. Every house up for sale is more than I'd ever be able to afford. I'm saving and saving but I never feel like I'm getting anywhere. I'm out of the house until late each night, I've considered a second job but I'm so exhausted by the time the weekend comes that I think it would finish me off. I just feel like an utter failure, I see comments on here about children being at home at age 21, and I see myself, still at home at age 25 and feel rotten. I just feel like there's no point bothering, because I will never get anywhere.

You need to move, it’s the only viable option really if you ever want to get on the property ladder.

Grapewrath · 12/01/2025 17:10

The housing situation is dire and I feel for you, but this isn’t forever.
Tbh you are lucky to have a secure family home to live in and supportive parents. I know you want to move out and I really get it, but you’re probably better off accepting that this isn’t going to happen anytime soon and plan for the future when you qualify

Bigearringsbigsmile · 12/01/2025 17:12

MidnightPatrol · 12/01/2025 17:03

“If I was in a city, I'd be earning a hundred thousand a year, but because I'm not, it's minimum wage.”

Intrigued as to what exactly this is, as it sounds quite unlikely.

Oh my god! This was my exact thought!

TheBoysAndTheBallet · 12/01/2025 17:12

And why is the housing situation so bad? Because people like the OP's parents have multiple properties.

Shinyandnew1 · 12/01/2025 17:13

If I was in a city, I'd be earning a hundred thousand a year, but because I'm not, it's minimum wage.

Do you mean when you qualify, if you moved to a city, you'd earn £100,00a year? Or that you'd earn £100k now as a city trainee??

ohyesido · 12/01/2025 17:14

You're very fortunate to live near the sea, I am very envious of you.

Living with parents is tough. But also means you can afford to save.

lostinthememory · 12/01/2025 17:15

TheBoysAndTheBallet · 12/01/2025 17:12

And why is the housing situation so bad? Because people like the OP's parents have multiple properties.

I completely agree re rental properties. But I can't change the choices my parents made before I was born/when I didn't have any awareness of the situation, they've owned two since the 80s and the others they converted when I was 10. I can't force them to sell up, it's not my place.

OP posts:
lostinthememory · 12/01/2025 17:15

Shinyandnew1 · 12/01/2025 17:13

If I was in a city, I'd be earning a hundred thousand a year, but because I'm not, it's minimum wage.

Do you mean when you qualify, if you moved to a city, you'd earn £100,00a year? Or that you'd earn £100k now as a city trainee??

As a trainee. The city firms are having huge battles at the moment with their wages, because the American firms came in and paid crazy money.

Sadly, they're not too interested in the small towns.

OP posts:
ohyesido · 12/01/2025 17:16

Also you are being exploited by the company paying you minimum wage as a trainee solicitor! Even if you live in a remote island that is not reflective of the job market

Bigearringsbigsmile · 12/01/2025 17:18

But that is more for NQs in magic circle firms.
Trainees are NOT being paid 100k as standard at all.

spidermum18 · 12/01/2025 17:19

"We've looked into whether I can rent from them (one of their tenants has been speaking about leaving), and the mortgage companies don't allow it. "

I'm surprised by this, wouldn't have thought the mortgage companies would have this much say in it. I know landlords who have rented to their children before

MidnightPatrol · 12/01/2025 17:20

lostinthememory · 12/01/2025 17:15

As a trainee. The city firms are having huge battles at the moment with their wages, because the American firms came in and paid crazy money.

Sadly, they're not too interested in the small towns.

I think you’re being a bit unrealistic here.

A small town solicitors is an entirely different world to these US or magic circle law firms.

The lawyers will be working on massive, high profile deals and be able to command incredibly high fees as a result.

Their trainees will work 12+ hours a day, often more.

All law firms are not equal…!

Bizarred · 12/01/2025 17:21

spidermum18 · 12/01/2025 17:19

"We've looked into whether I can rent from them (one of their tenants has been speaking about leaving), and the mortgage companies don't allow it. "

I'm surprised by this, wouldn't have thought the mortgage companies would have this much say in it. I know landlords who have rented to their children before

Yes, I know a house that is owned by the parents of the tenant. Tenant always refers to them as 'my landlords' but we all know it's their parents. I suppose it's possible the parents have bought the house under the umbrella of a company though....

lostinthememory · 12/01/2025 17:22

spidermum18 · 12/01/2025 17:19

"We've looked into whether I can rent from them (one of their tenants has been speaking about leaving), and the mortgage companies don't allow it. "

I'm surprised by this, wouldn't have thought the mortgage companies would have this much say in it. I know landlords who have rented to their children before

They asked, they were told no because the mortgage company fears that if I stopped paying my rent they'd be less likely to take action against me than another tenant

@MidnightPatrol I know the work is different, I know that as a small town solicitor I'll basically be doing the "grunt work" and I don't deserve a £100k salary. But I just feel like a failure

OP posts:
Smittenkitchen · 12/01/2025 17:26

I think you might have to just get through the next couple of years living with your parents until you qualify and then relocate. Best of luck to you. You're not a failure! Better times are coming.

PestoPastaChaChaCha · 12/01/2025 17:26

Assuming you’ve just started your training contract you have a maximum of 2 years before you qualify. What area of law are you intending to qualify into? If you have taken a TC at a high street firm (sounds possible if you’re on minimum wage) then you’ll struggle to move to a London city or US firm on qualifying, but you may be able to go to a regional firm. I’d start researching those now and look where you can earn decent money to buy a flat/house. It’s not impossible to go from high street/legal aid to city/USA firm but it’ll take hard work and several stepping stones to achieve. Congratulations on securing a TC they’re hard to get.

xyz111 · 12/01/2025 17:27

You don't have to give the name of the tenant to the mortgage company do you???

RosesAndHellebores · 12/01/2025 17:27

@lostinthememory I think I recall some previous threads you have started.

Firstly, your parents could let to you if they wanted to.

Secondly, you would not have a trainee job or nqt solicitor job on £100k in London unless you had a first or high 2.1 from an Russel Group uni and some other significant USP's. Can you offer those things?

lostinthememory · 12/01/2025 17:28

RosesAndHellebores · 12/01/2025 17:27

@lostinthememory I think I recall some previous threads you have started.

Firstly, your parents could let to you if they wanted to.

Secondly, you would not have a trainee job or nqt solicitor job on £100k in London unless you had a first or high 2.1 from an Russel Group uni and some other significant USP's. Can you offer those things?

They can't, they've checked the terms of their mortgage. They have to abide by those.

Yes, I have a first law class degree from a Russell group university.

OP posts:
JMSA · 12/01/2025 17:29

It's not always going to be like this for you, OP. Hang in there.