To feel utterly fed up with my life

[lostinthememory]

I'm in my mid 20's, I work full time and live in a small seaside town.

I earn minimum wage, and that's in a job that would be considered to be "good". If I was in a city, I'd be earning a hundred thousand a year, but because I'm not, it's minimum wage. When I qualify, I could maybe move to a better paying firm, but that's not on the cards now.

There are very few rentals in my town or the surrounding area, because every vacant home is bought to be a holiday rental. Any rental properties are either short term winter lets, or incredibly expensive to make up for the lost revenue in the summer. This means that the minimum salary required to rent these places tends to be £29,000, which I am nowhere near to.

Even if I found a place cheap enough for me to rent, I would need a guarantor. I've asked at lettings agencies before, my parents wouldn't be able to act as my guarantor because they're retired and most of their income comes from their rental properties. It's not seen as secure, despite their properties having been filled for the last 5 years. We've looked into whether I can rent from them (one of their tenants has been speaking about leaving), and the mortgage companies don't allow it. My parents don't wish to eat into their capital to pay off their mortgages, which is fine. They also don't wish to sell to me, again, it's not my choice.

There are three house shares currently available in my local area. Two are 4 bed houses with 3 men aged 45+, I don't feel comfortable applying for those as a young woman in my 20s. The other is with a woman who claims that you cannot have had contact with a cat for the last three years, due to her severe allergy. My cat died three months ago, so I'm out of luck there.

I'm lucky enough to live with my parents, but this means that if I were to leave, I'd be making myself voluntarily homeless. If my parents were to ask me to leave, the council would first try to negotiate a solution.

I just feel like I'm at a dead end. Every house up for sale is more than I'd ever be able to afford. I'm saving and saving but I never feel like I'm getting anywhere. I'm out of the house until late each night, I've considered a second job but I'm so exhausted by the time the weekend comes that I think it would finish me off. I just feel like an utter failure, I see comments on here about children being at home at age 21, and I see myself, still at home at age 25 and feel rotten. I just feel like there's no point bothering, because I will never get anywhere.

I think that would be magic circle firms. Why didn't you get a training contract in a big city? Once your training has finished you should move to the city.

It just feels never ending. It was Covid, and then it's just been a blur of minimum wage jobs and not going anywhere. I feel totally hopeless.

@fannieadams I didn't have the confidence in myself when I finished uni. I really, really wish I'd taken a year out to apply, but hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it? I went straight into secretarial work, and then secured a training contract internally after a year or so, and had to wait a year for it to start. By that point I was pretty down on myself and didn't think I was capable.

Senior management at a law firm here. I lived at home whilst I qualified (regions). Then moved to London on qualification, made a fortune and then moved home.
It's what a lot of people do.

Don't feel pressure to buy and move out. Stay at home if you can a bit longer.

What's it actually like living with your parents? Are you left to your own devices, with no/little interference? Are you someone who doesn't mind sharing a home with family? Do you feel comfortable there?

Actually living with them is great, which is why I feel like a spoilt brat for even thinking this way.

My dad and I have so much in common, we're basically the same person. I never have to sit and watch a sports match alone 😂 my mum and I are so close, we really have an amazing relationship and I treasure it. They have been the most amazing parents, we never went without when we were children and it's just a lovely atmosphere to be in day to day.

I think it more stems from realising that my poor mental health from age 21-24 has really held me back. I never believed in myself, never had the confidence to put myself forward and never believed in myself. I almost lost my job last winter because of it and that's what pushed me on to make real changes in 2024, which have made me into a much better person.

So now I think it's just sadness, looking back and realising that if I'd sought help earlier, I'd be in a much better position. I regret not seeking help at university and not applying myself to fix the issues that I had then.

I was one of the magic circle trainees and then NQT’s.

I moved into a different sector as soon as I possibly could. Yes the money is incredible but they own you: nights, weekends, holidays…There was no acceptance of a life or relationships outside the office.

Many people get trapped, living to that level of salary and then having to continue working minimum 60+hrs a week (more over deal crunch times) forever. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be and IMHO the money does not make up for what you lose.

In your shoes I’d focus on qualifying into an area which gives you options to switch to a more lucrative practice. What else can you add on to this which will make you attractive to other employers? Can you attend conferences or additional training sessions? You can absolutely move on from where you are if you are strategic. Put your energy into that and form a plan.

Once you get towards the end of your training contract look for NQ roles somewhere else - either in London or one of the larger regional legal centres - Manchester Birmingham Leeds Bristol all have big legal sectors.

The work could well be a step up from what you're doing now but you don't have to stay where you are forever.

I am a believer in things happen for a reason. City firms can be brutal so it wouldn't have been right for you back then. However, once you qualify, you will have grown in experience and confidence. Then look at your options.

Cross posted with your last post.

Honestly, you are so young still. You have so much time ahead of you to get to where you want to be. Don’t feel you’ve wasted time: be proud you’re stronger now and go from there.

I think it;s usually a condition of BTL mortgages that tenants aren't close relatives of the landlord - it needs to be a commercial tenancy.

@fannieadams that's a very good point and when I look back on where I was a year ago compared to when I am now, I do realise I'm lucky to even be here, that's how bad my mental health was. I really took life by the proverbial bollocks and sorted myself out.

But I also feel a sense of sadness that it was ever like that, and I could've cost myself an amazing career. I know that's not necessarily the case, and in another 12 months or two years I could be in a totally different place. It's just a bitter pill to swallow I think.

@P00hsticks yeah it's something like that, to be honest it was a long shot anyway, but the conditions of their mortgage is that they can't rent to me. It can't be changed, I can't force them to make a change so that's that, and I'd obviously never ask them to lie and risk something going wrong. It just kind of sucks

This is a little bit like when the doctors tried to convince the public that we should all pity them because coffee shop staff earn more than them. Within a year or two of qualifying you'll be earning considerably more than most people can dream of earning. With a first class law degree, I think it's safe to say you'll be OK. I'll put my tiny violin away now.

Just to say solidarity OP. I had poor mental health during uni and afterward and ended up drifting and basically wasting years of my life because my confidence was on the floor. It’s so hard not to have regrets. Can you talk to a therapist about it?

This is unnecessarily nasty to be honest, there's absolutely no guarantee of that. My current firm pay newly qualified fee earners £26,000 a year.

I've considered therapy, I might self refer to the services in my area just for a couple of sessions to sound off about all of this

How can they have mortgages for properties they purchased between 30 and 40 years ago?

@Wanttoadoptadog they remortgaged a few years ago to do extensive renovations on our house

Your parents are part of the problem, owning 5 properties - I hate landlordism, and feel so sorry for towns that have not enough residents who actually live there and too many tourists.
Stick it out til you qualify, then move.

It feels grim but living with your parents should enable saving which will serve you well once you are qualified and can look for a better paid role - it's about hanging on in there

Wierd thing about time -

When you look forward 2 years seems forever

When you come to look back it will seem like a small blip

Get yourself something to mark off the days

Give yourself a few treats to look forward to

I'm old and sometimes get upset at the posts that assume I am super rich , that I have had an easy life , that I should be looking forward to death to give others houses and inheritance - you need to treat the "still living at home " posters the same way as I should treat those - small minded people who don't know what they are talking about showing no signs of humanity and a good lack of humility

So they have a minimum of 4 properties for 40 plus years and they have had to re mortgage all these properties to do renovations on their own place? It doesn’t stack up, sorry but I don’t think your parents are being honest with you, sounds like an excuse not to rent to you and keep you at home watching the sport!

I totally agree and I disagree with landlords, but my views and theirs differ. I can't force them to sell up, or to pay off the mortgages or remortgage to a company that allows renting to me, so I just can't afford to battle with them time and time again.

Do you pay rent or do your parents allow you to save your salary for a deposit?

It seems like your situation, if not what you want, is only very temporary. There are plenty of people posting on here forced to stay with family where the relationship is very fractious. Yet you say your relationship with your parents is a good one, so plenty to be thankful for.

I was reading an article the other day (BBC, I think), about the rise in number of 18-34 years old staying at home. So whilst I appreciate it's not what you want at the moment, your situation is far, far from unusual and is a result of rising costs, lack of housing availability, and the temporary fact of your low wage. Things are likely to improve for you within a few short years.

@Wanttoadoptadog maybe, but I can't force them to rent to me, and that would be my only option. If they don't want to, they don't want to. I can't force them to take any other actions