To feel utterly fed up with my life

[lostinthememory]

I'm in my mid 20's, I work full time and live in a small seaside town.

I earn minimum wage, and that's in a job that would be considered to be "good". If I was in a city, I'd be earning a hundred thousand a year, but because I'm not, it's minimum wage. When I qualify, I could maybe move to a better paying firm, but that's not on the cards now.

There are very few rentals in my town or the surrounding area, because every vacant home is bought to be a holiday rental. Any rental properties are either short term winter lets, or incredibly expensive to make up for the lost revenue in the summer. This means that the minimum salary required to rent these places tends to be £29,000, which I am nowhere near to.

Even if I found a place cheap enough for me to rent, I would need a guarantor. I've asked at lettings agencies before, my parents wouldn't be able to act as my guarantor because they're retired and most of their income comes from their rental properties. It's not seen as secure, despite their properties having been filled for the last 5 years. We've looked into whether I can rent from them (one of their tenants has been speaking about leaving), and the mortgage companies don't allow it. My parents don't wish to eat into their capital to pay off their mortgages, which is fine. They also don't wish to sell to me, again, it's not my choice.

There are three house shares currently available in my local area. Two are 4 bed houses with 3 men aged 45+, I don't feel comfortable applying for those as a young woman in my 20s. The other is with a woman who claims that you cannot have had contact with a cat for the last three years, due to her severe allergy. My cat died three months ago, so I'm out of luck there.

I'm lucky enough to live with my parents, but this means that if I were to leave, I'd be making myself voluntarily homeless. If my parents were to ask me to leave, the council would first try to negotiate a solution.

I just feel like I'm at a dead end. Every house up for sale is more than I'd ever be able to afford. I'm saving and saving but I never feel like I'm getting anywhere. I'm out of the house until late each night, I've considered a second job but I'm so exhausted by the time the weekend comes that I think it would finish me off. I just feel like an utter failure, I see comments on here about children being at home at age 21, and I see myself, still at home at age 25 and feel rotten. I just feel like there's no point bothering, because I will never get anywhere.

I'm just admiring that you are getting on well with your parents, that you have a training contract, that you have a first class degree and that you have come out of a period of poor mental health with these things. I hope you won't experience it as patronising when I say you have done exceptionally well.

Years ago it was standard in more than one profession to do training regionally and progress from there, either further on in the current firm or to a bigger concern most likely in a city.

My only concern is what you are saying about all this. That your period of ill health has 'cost you your career', that you would inevitably be earning 4 x as much in slightly different circumstances, that you are a failure. None of this is true. You don't have a 'minimum wage job', you have a training contract in your profession. I'm someone who would want a plan from my 21 year old son before he moved back home - but you HAVE a plan. You can save. Yes you may not be able to buy a house locally for some time but buying a house WILL be in reach for you in a few years.

Without wanting to say 'buck up'... you're doing great. If you're feeling very low and hopeless, does your doctor need to know that? Hope you can have a good week.

Hopefully you will at least inherit.

I also can't stand parents sitting on wealth whilst their kids are struggling.

Surely if your parents bought a couple of houses in the 80’s there is no longer any mortgage consideration ?

Exactly this … in a nice way … stop looking back negatively, think about what you’ve achieved, be proud of that, use it to build your confidence and get the hell out of dodge once you’ve qualified and go get what you want somewhere else. You’re lucky to have supportive financially secure parents at your back. I was a trainee solicitor once about 35 years ago and even then they were telling us to take a training contract as soon as we got offered one in case another didn’t come along! I took the first one offered which was in a small general practice firm (but in a city). Big mistake, I hated it so much I quit halfway through and decided working in an estate agency and then a finance company would be much better! They were paying double what I was earning as a trainee solicitor at the time. Anyway, I was stubborn but wish someone had stopped me/advised me not to be so stupid. I did return to the law after about a year via the legal department of an insurance company, who were paying nearly 3 times the trainee rate just for having a law degree, and I’ve had a successful career in insurance since. My point is, please stick it out and know you will do fine. Good luck.

You're still young with plenty of time to get on the property ladder and for your income to increase. If your parents are happy for you to stay with them just keep saving. I've had friends still with parents at 30, it's not easy getting property on your own. Look out for rent to buy schemes, there's some in my area through Jigsaw housing, rent is cheap at the same price as social housing and there is a right to buy anywhere between 25% and 100% after 5 years of renting.

Someone else has suggested they might not be telling me the truth, I can only go on what they're saying to me though. If they're covering up for not wanting to rent to me then that's their choice

Stay with your parents until you qualify and then move. It's what most people would do. Would your parents rent to you at a cheap rate or for free?

What city? London? As my sister, who is an associate solicitor, lives in a large city and earns nowhere near this much.

Wait out the next 12 months, qualify and then the world is your oyster. Enjoy the time you have with your parents.

You wouldn't earn £100k pa as a trainee solicitor in my city. You need to get real.

A friend whose son has a first in Economics has just started training at Deloittes in London. Incredibly competitive and he's earning £36k. That's in London.

Forget what you read in the press about a handful of exceptionally brilliant young law graduates earning six figures. You're young, you have 40 years to buy a house. Make sure you go into the right branch of law if you want to make serious money. I hear specialist pensions and tax lawyers earn well, but you'll need excellent maths.

Being a footballer in Manchester doesn’t automatically mean you play for United or City…

Solicitor here in a national firm (but not city).

OP, I think you are catastrophising! Let me explain why.

I put myself through my LPC (thanks to a bank lending me professional loan) and had a training contract at regional firm.

It is totally normal to be paid pittance for your training contract and to be living hand to mouth at this stage. It’s just the way it is. As for getting a TC at a city firm - well perhaps, but training contracts are few and far between. My now DH was much more qualified and impressive than me, and he struggled to get a TC simply at larger firms because it’s a numbers game. Too many qualified applicants for too few training contracts. It is what it is. By all means regret not taking the chance, but don’t assume it would have paid off.

You are in a really strong position now. You have a TC so you’ll qualify soon (well done!). You live at home and really enjoy it. That means a positive home life AND you get to save for future housing investment. When you qualify, you will have a 1st class Russell Group degree, money in your pocket, and lots to offer as a NQ at bigger firms that will pay more.

Don’t compare yourself to what you might have been. Make a plan for what you want to be! It doesn’t sound like a City/American firm would suit your temperament. Neither me. They may pay big bucks, but they take their pound of flesh. Better to go for something that will challenge you in a good way, remunerate you fairly, and provide opportunities for growth while keeping your wellbeing front and centre (because what are we if our wellbeing is not healthy?).

For me, I paid off my loan over 5 (long…) years, scrounged and saved, and eventually bought my first house aged 30+ from my and DH’s own savings. We live in an expensive area so I understand your frustration with feeling hour prices are out of reach. But if you make a plan, you can make it happen. Yes there will be bumps along the road, but it’s all a learning curve and it’s all just part of the process. Keep going!

I know very little about solicitor training/exams - can you apply to start again from scratch in a more competitive firm? It sounds like you could earn more as a trainee than you will do once fully qualified where you are currently.

As things stand, you're a recent graduate and you've got a 1st class degree from a Russell Group uni - you have loads of options. Leave it 5 years and you'll just be a small town solicitor with no experience of the kind of work that brings in bigger bucks.

I think you need to be proactive in changing your course of direction here. You're clearly highly intelligent, well-qualified, young enough to have the world at your feet but old enough not to be completely wet behind the ears, and to have a good amount of workplace experience under your belt. You're a very hot property right now!

I do think in this situation your parents could let you live in one of their multiple homes if you're so desperate to move out. Although that's the point in staying in your seaside town it sounds like there are no prospects anyway. You do sound a bit bitter and delusional about what life would be like in a city though. Yes higher wages but you'd be paying high rents and wouldn't have the comfort of living at home with mum and dad. I doubt it's easy to walk into a £100k solicitor job anywhere to be honest.

Defo a bad idea to start from scratch- extremely odd to be making that application and I’m not sure how OP would explain it!

They won't. That's their position and I can't change it, as much as I wish they would.

I know I come across very spoilt but I just feel so disappointed in past me, like I made mistakes that now can't be changed

I don’t think your parents are being truthful about the mortgage not allowing you to rent from them. I never had to tell our lender who the tenants were when we had mortgages on the properties.

They're correct in that standard Buy to Let mortgages will not let you rent to family unless it's less than 40% of the property (e.g. a room in a 3 bed house). If they remortgaged the buy to lets to make renovations then they will have taken money out of these as unencumbered properties. They're probably not lying to you.

https://www.onlinemortgageadvisor.co.uk/buy-to-let-mortgages/regulated-buy-to-let-mortgages/

Every buy to let application asks yes or no questions about if you will rent to family.

Ah OP, you’re me but I’m now qualified. I stayed regional (I hate to say it but moving to a magic circle from a high street firm as an NQ is probably harder than getting a training contract there), but I was able to buy a house in my mid - late twenties by moving a few miles out of town. My work life balance is fantastic, working in a smaller firm means I get much more exposure to work and 3 of my friends in magic circle / US firms have burnt out already and quit. The money is still depressingly low compared to the six figure London wages (although comfortably above average) but for me personally being able to enjoy a life outside of work makes it worth it. Hang in there, training is the hardest part!

Not many single people in their mid 20's can afford to buy a house. Just save up and move when your salary increases.

It's not intended to be nasty, it was intended to be a reality check. If you have a law degree, you have the capacity to earn a lot of money. You are right at the beginning of your career, everyone starts at the bottom and on very low pay. Some people do not have the opportunities that you have as they don't have the intelligence/capacity to be able to work in a higher paid role. Most start their careers on minimum wage, some finish their careers on minimum wage. You are not one of them and for this reason you are exceptionally privileged. Seriously, give your head a wobble.

I'd give my kid a bloody house in your parents position. No hesitation. Hang in there OP.

Could you take over the mortgage of one of your parents properties? Maybe you could move back with them and rent it in the summer to make extra cash if needed?
Honestly, if your parents are retired then they should be moving everything into you and any siblings names now.

Care home fees can and will happen. My dad was talking about doing this and then had a massive stroke. Now it's too late, his extra income property (my granny's old house) has gone.

I sympathise with the housing situation, it's really grim. And made worse probably by second homes and air B and Bs using up the available housing, as well as renting to long term local tenants, which at least helps the community.
By the sound of it, it won't be for long though OP, then you'll qualify, move to the city, buy or rent somewhere and feel more relaxed.

I'm much much older than you and spent much of my 20s and 30s crippled by insecurity and apathy. I didn't know it at the time, it's only looking back. Once I realised, I spent a long time regretting poor choices, missed opportunities etc. I strongly recommend you seek help, talk about the regret you feel now. Life will throw regret your way again and again, if you're able to accept that you made choices for myriad reasons and if you can learn to be kind to yourself you'll be resilient and that's worth so so much. In 10 years you could be using your qualifications, looking back and remembering how hard this phase was and being proud you got through it and learned from it too. Please do seek help, or the regret will cripple you 🤗