To feel utterly fed up with my life

[lostinthememory]

I'm in my mid 20's, I work full time and live in a small seaside town.

I earn minimum wage, and that's in a job that would be considered to be "good". If I was in a city, I'd be earning a hundred thousand a year, but because I'm not, it's minimum wage. When I qualify, I could maybe move to a better paying firm, but that's not on the cards now.

There are very few rentals in my town or the surrounding area, because every vacant home is bought to be a holiday rental. Any rental properties are either short term winter lets, or incredibly expensive to make up for the lost revenue in the summer. This means that the minimum salary required to rent these places tends to be £29,000, which I am nowhere near to.

Even if I found a place cheap enough for me to rent, I would need a guarantor. I've asked at lettings agencies before, my parents wouldn't be able to act as my guarantor because they're retired and most of their income comes from their rental properties. It's not seen as secure, despite their properties having been filled for the last 5 years. We've looked into whether I can rent from them (one of their tenants has been speaking about leaving), and the mortgage companies don't allow it. My parents don't wish to eat into their capital to pay off their mortgages, which is fine. They also don't wish to sell to me, again, it's not my choice.

There are three house shares currently available in my local area. Two are 4 bed houses with 3 men aged 45+, I don't feel comfortable applying for those as a young woman in my 20s. The other is with a woman who claims that you cannot have had contact with a cat for the last three years, due to her severe allergy. My cat died three months ago, so I'm out of luck there.

I'm lucky enough to live with my parents, but this means that if I were to leave, I'd be making myself voluntarily homeless. If my parents were to ask me to leave, the council would first try to negotiate a solution.

I just feel like I'm at a dead end. Every house up for sale is more than I'd ever be able to afford. I'm saving and saving but I never feel like I'm getting anywhere. I'm out of the house until late each night, I've considered a second job but I'm so exhausted by the time the weekend comes that I think it would finish me off. I just feel like an utter failure, I see comments on here about children being at home at age 21, and I see myself, still at home at age 25 and feel rotten. I just feel like there's no point bothering, because I will never get anywhere.

I mean, this could be an option? Not sure how it would work but it might be something they're open to, I'd have to discuss with them because I'm not sure a lifetime ISA would allow me to withdraw for that?

I just don't know how I'd approach them and say "hey you know I want to move out, can I build a tiny house on your garden" 😂

But in the future it would be useful for grandchildren (other siblings, not mine!!!), or if we needed to stay for care etc.

Hmmm I'm probably going to sound harsh and I know no one can help how they feel but.....

You have an amazing degree behind you, are mentally in a better place than previously, live at home and enjoy it, are young (so plenty of time to move and earn more), have huge earning potential, will inherit a huge amount of money .......

Can you see where I'm going with this? You have literally everything going for you. You're finishing this training period and then will be free to go and live wherever you want. Your only real 'issue' is you think you've wasted some time due to MH. But it's done, theres nothing you can do about it, you also cant say for definite that youd be much further forward. What you can do and i think you really need to do is get some counselling because the fact you look back and think of yourself as a failure is maybe a sign that your confidence and MH are the biggest issue here. Do you have hobbies and get out for fun?

I do think your parents have the means to help you out with property or financially and that must be difficult knowing they just dont want to but could you speak to them about this in a non confrontational way? If not just focus on enjoying your life and dont be wasting it thinking about where you should be or the time you've wasted.

How long until you complete your traineeship? Maybe you just have to deal with the current situation for another year or two.

in the meantime, work on your confidence. Do therapy. Find a hobby. Do a self development course or a retreat that specialises in building confidence. You sounds like you already did some internal work last year, keep that going while you slog through the rest of your traineeship.

your past decisions won’t affect the rest of your life if you don’t let them.

do you have friends who might be interested in a share house with you? Maybe start asking around. Keep your eye on the local property market for houses big enough to be shared so you can talk about real potentials.

i lived with my parents on and off until I was 25 because I lived in a small town where housing was scarce.

You’ve got a good, high paying career ahead of you. Grit your teeth till you qualify and save any money towards a future rental deposit in a city. In a couple of years (or whatever) you will be in a position to apply for better paid jobs elsewhere. It’s frustrating now, but it’s not forever. You have the means /qualifications to make a great life for yourself.

Average age to buy your first house now is 33 so you are being silly to feel like your life is a failure at 25 because you still live with your parents.

Saw this story yesterday:
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/jan/11/hotel-of-mum-and-dad-in-uk-at-its-fullest-in-two-decades-study-finds

'Almost a fifth of adults aged 24-34 are living with parents' so at 25 you're hardly unique ! Don't be so hard on yourself.

As has been pointed out elsewhere, the chances of a £100k salary (even in London) will be limited and as previous comments suggest they come at a high personal cost - if you struggle with mental health issues a high pressure corporate environment may not be the best place for you .

They are retired. Maybe they live off taking equity out and have some RIO mortgages. I would!

Have you looked at local government legal Op? Pay isn’t great but NQ is same money as experienced they just advertise for Solicitor. Good life balance and access to employee support like counselling. Opportunity to pick up locum work around £60 an hour.

This. Of course they can rent one to you OP, as long as you have a tenancy agreement in place. Mortgage companies dont care about you being related, just that it's done properly.

You need to start taking responsibility for your life and making what you want happen. You have a first class law degree, you have options. There are no higher paying jobs and no houses you can afford in your area, then move. If you’re in the middle of your training contract then wait until you finish but spend the time now coming up with a plan. Join CPD events, make contacts in your field, seek out firms that you can apply to, research areas. Save as much as you can whilst living at home, that’s a luxury lots don’t have and it will put you in a very good position. You are in charge of your own life so make something of it.

You are being way too hard on yourself OP. Many people leave uni with no idea what they want to do. I spent five or six years in my 20s in temping roles living with my parents or in over priced house shares before moving into a middle management career. I remember that feeling of being ‘stuck’ at home and drifting. There’s also the pressure to look like you’ve moved out of home and made something of yourself. It really reduces your confidence. However you are already on a career path many people would be really envious of. Once you qualify you have so many options and a clear promotional path. You are not stuck in a dead end situation, you need to reframe it as biding your time and focusing on career progression. Also you enjoy living with your parents which is a massive plus point. Enjoy this while it lasts. House sharing and house owning as a single person can be challenging too and at least with the support of living with your parents you can focus fully on work. On the wage you are currently on it would be futile to save every penny as you’ll make yourself miserable. Spend a bit to see friends / meet new ones / go on holiday to help with your MH snd help you stay positive until you qualify. Self care is very important and you need to maintain your confidence in the workplace.

I think you just have to suck it up for now OP and know that it won't be like this forever. Once you finish your training I would focus on moving to a city if you don't see a significant pay rise. When I graduated from uni I was fortunate enough to get a job straight away in London in my field. It was my dream job but the salary was 16k. I rented a bedsit in a house for 1 year in a not very nice part of London. It was all I could afford. I was 21 and there were 4 others in the house, 50 Yr old man, 40 Yr old man and the rest women in their 30s. I cleared 1k per month, and after paying bills I had £100 per week to live on. I was miserable. But my point is, I stuck it out and in my next job I jumped to 24k. Moved into a better house share, had a bit more money to spend. And things got easier from then onwards, with each promotion and pay rise.

To be honest I'd get your head down, finish your training contract & then move to a firm paying better money in a city near by.

Op can i just check - have you done your degree & law school already or are you a degree apprentice?

If the latter its really not surprising you are on minimum wage as a big chunk of your remuneration is your degree/training being funded & you don't have a degree yet so are being paid on a par with a school leaver.

Can you reframe this in a positive way.

you live in such a nice part of the world that people holiday there. You can save every month. You live with your fantastic parents. You have a great degree and career path.

save up loads of money, focus on your career and look to buy a property on the future. Try practising gratitude

I have a first class degree.

You will benefit from your parents rental properties. That is more than most people will.

Havnt read all the replies. What i would say as someone who has spent a long time looking at TC ( won't bore you) moat trainees don't earn 100k a year..in fact a lot of qualified don't. Only the magic circle firms pay that kind of money and they are very particular about who gets the jobs there.

Just keep on and get qualified, try and make yourself attractive once you qualify, maybe a niche area or get published with someone. Save up as much as you can and look yo move even if it's a small 1 bed while you get going career wise.

@Gummybear23 I'm aware and I've said multiple times I'm incredibly grateful to my parents for everything they've done, but I feel like I'm failing now

Completely agree with @Overthebow - you need to be spending your time on LinkedIn not on mumsnet. You’ve done well to obtain a TC despite MH struggles, you’re living with your parents as a temporary stopgap. So far so good. Now imagine where you want to be in 5/10 years and plot out a way to get there. Join networking events, get involved with the Law Society, see what voluntary opportunities there are for legal trainees in your area, or if you are close enough to travel to London, go volunteer there at the weekend. If there is a sport or hobby you are interested in, try to take on leadership or volunteer roles there - it shows a willingness to get stuck in and contribute. Look for lawyers who’s jobs you admire who also trained at regional places and ask them if you can meet for a coffee - the worst that can happen is they say no. If you’re living with your parents do you have enough £ to see a therapist or access CBT with the aim of breaking out of this self pitying, backward looking mindset. A few positive changes, a few useful connections made through your own effort, you have the tools and basics there to build a great life you want. Trust me very few of the city trainees got their (extremely hard) jobs handed to them without a great deal of positivity and effort. Start now and build up your CV and by the time you qualify you could be in a very different situation to that which you will find yourself in after a few years sitting round moaning and watching tv.

This is so lovely to read. If it’s working for you, please stop piling unnecessary pressure on yourself! You’ll get there, I promise. What you’re feeling is very normal but life has a way of working out, especially when you have, what sounds like, very financially secure parents.

Keep focusing on your studies. Once you’re finished you can reassess your options.

"I know the work is different, I know that as a small town solicitor I'll basically be doing the "grunt work" and I don't deserve a £100k salary. But I just feel like a failure"
You're not a failure... you're studying and tired BUT you will get there. You'll be helping people by your endeavours in the meantime. You're contributing to society so give yourself some credit.

You're also in a much better position than many having the parental involvement, so just bide your time.
With social media pressure so much of life expectation is unrealistic. The young want everything NOW.... You are playing the long game and your rewards will come and be lasting.

Potentially your financial future will be assured and you will have options once you've completed your training. Just hang in there...

Perhaps consider dedicating some time to going to a gym or focussing on a 5k charity run. Oxygenate your brain, you will feel energised by it.