To think our lives are over and we will be judged (disability)

[Plopandflop]

Names changed

I have epilepsy and narcolepsy. I managed to work till about 3 years ago but it all got so bad I had to leave re illness. I managed to do a small part time craft business but I still get ESA as it’s classed as permitted work as I am in the support group. This is all I can do without literally floping. My parents both thing I should give it up completely as I don’t really managed to do much else. I am 44

my husband is a teacher and has always brought in and ok wage and we cope

after struggling for over a year with pain, weakness and memory and having to go part time he has been diagnosed with progressive MS. It’s just a matter of time before work goes completely as he is really struggling now. He is 49

that’s it isn’t it. A life on benefits and a lifetime of being judged. Everyone I see a post on here about sickness benefits or a post on Facebook or the paper I want to throw up. I know some people will say “but we meant those who really can work but don’t but let’s face it we are all thrown in the same category as a burden to the tax payer.

we have a dd who is 12 and I worry for her so much

just feel like life is over.

You’re right. Just like your prejudice regarding anyone with concerns around the state of the country being a “benefits basher.”

You literally came on a thread about someone who was afraid of being judged, to bash benefits claimants. Specifically single(?) mothers. Whose situation has nothing to do with the OP's plight. Ask yourself why @adviceneeded1990?

See your concerns about the state of the country? Try engaging your brain as to how it happened. Clue: It wasn't disabled people and it wasn't mothers of school age children on benefits.

Ok, I respect that that’s the way you see things and I don’t really think there’s anything further to say to one another here.

I was going to start a thread asking if I'm allowed to put money I have left over at the end of the month into my kids savings because a disability charity helped me with my finances and helped me claim PIP and a few other bits changed and I have alot more money now but am still unable to drive or socialise so I have surplus every month.

But I thought I'd get ripped to shreds!

God, don't start a thread @Nctwotooto ! I can imagine the responses. Are you on means tested benefits? If not, no problem. If you are, I found this info:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/6467734/universal-credit-can-the-government-legally-claim-that-child-savings-are-household-income

I'm on UC. LWRCA and PIP
I would be putting a few hundred in each child's account each month.

One would be a child trust fund and I need to set up something for the other child. Maybe an ISA?

Between getting more on UC than legacy benefits. Claiming PIP and the housing benefit deductions stopping because of PIP I get significantly more every month but my outgoings are still the same and I can't save it as it would quickly build up over the savings threshold.

Why exactly have you asked this question on a thread where some posters are bashing those that are claiming benefits?

Because no matter where I posted it I would get shit, this seems like a safer thread, people don't seem as judgemental.

Why post it on any debate forum then? You say that a disability charity have been advising you so why not ask them?

It does seem rather ill timed to want to start a thread like that. Maybe talk to CAB?

Yeah, right.

this seems like a safer thread, people don't seem as judgemental.

Jumped right over the shark there.

They already helped me. I've been discharged since they already helped me. Last contact was months ago, maybe in October?

What does jumping Iver the shark mean?

I think UC might have some questions to ask about this when they see money disappearing from your account when they do their reviews & ask to see your bank statements

The reason I have money left over is because I live a frugal life and have always had the same amount of money coming in after I became disabled. ESA. ctc and CB.

I didn't want to claim anything else because it was too stressful and I didn't feel I needed anymore but I got into slight financial trouble over something stupid and so was told by my care coordinator to contact the charity.

They did it all for me and my income is significantly more now. Bur I have to stress that I was on an extremely low income beforehand so I would still be considered to to a normal family.

But I don't have friends. I don't go out. I'm not allowed to drive so I have no petrol, insurance, car costs etc

Due to my disability I can't go abroad on holiday, I have an autistic child who will not sleep away from home so we don't do UK holidays either or trips out anywhere.

I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't go out for meals.

I'm not interested in fashion (love primark)

So my outgoings are extremely low because I don't have much of a life outside these walls!

So I'm still living the same life as I was last year but have more money.

I'd rather have no PIP and have a normal life!

I am sorry you are contending with this. There may be some people who lump everyone together, but it is very clear it is different. I see many people who are not working due to health and it is a wide continuum from the genuine to the piss takers. I meet fewer of the second, to be fair and it is often really obvious who they are.

I've got MS. All be in Relapsing Remitting. There are really good treatments now. It may not be completely the end of the world.

We all get judged in some way or another have to accept it and be happy anyway. My son is almost 4, can't walk and is autistic. The looks we get, mainly from old women, are really obvious and mean sometimes. Other parents judge me too. I've even felt judged by doctors and childcare workers. But I also have wonderful understanding people around me and that's what I concentrate on. F the h8ers basically😅

Also you have to learn to stop judging other people yourself. If you become a kinder person, the world seems a kinder place

Absolutely this! If someone needs benefits, they need benefits, and whether they’ve paid in or not I want my tax and this country to help them, no questions and no judgement. But I simply can’t stand that children aren’t being shown more and we must do better, not so I can save money but so they can be happy fulfilled adults and achieve their potential. Appreciate this wasn’t really the point of the thread but I think it must be so difficult for people like the OP who would do anything not to be in their circumstances and is so deserving of more help and support than they’re likely getting who end up feeling judged because we’ve created a mess we can’t seem to find a way out of

The lack of nuanced thinking here concerns me. You can't on one hand say "I want benefits for disabled people" then say the above and agree with the original poster's comment. It's not really about who "deserves anything". That's not how the welfare state was primarily set up to work. I don't care that I spent a good portion of my life paying high taxes towards childcare and don't have children. Other people do, and I want them to flourish. Simultaneously, I expect the same respect for disabled people. The post you're quoting said children were suggesting they would go on benefits because their mums had confirmed it was a good idea. If that's true - I'm not convinced, but assuming it is - I don't think it's a reflection of them but of society has treated them. Zero hour contracts, terrible progression to further education from underprivileged families, insane inflation that makes housing inaccessible. If you're fed bedcrumbs by a government that doesn't care - and that includes the disabled - it does perpetuate a cycle of poverty. That impacts mindset. But let's not blame the victims of that.

I don’t disagree, or agree entirely. I absolutely support the welfare state to operate how it was meant to. As a safety net, for some people that means they require that support on an ongoing basis (and we’re nowhere near good enough in that space), and for some people that will be in part forever (e.g. if you’re working but aren’t paid enough - of course the state should support you). If you lose your job, a pandemic happens, whatever it is, when life isn’t being kind your country should absolutely support you. However, whilst it’s a minority of course it’s not a small number of people who have chosen benefits as their lifestyle choice, and it simply shouldn’t be one. Not because we can’t afford it but because it’s crap. It’s rubbish for self esteem, mental health, making human connections and so on. I’ve voted Labour my entire life, and I’m a much bigger fan of Corbyn than Starmer but I do think we get this wrong, and we’re failing children by not actively trying to fix it.

People have been saying that since the welfare state was introduced and probably said it before that. I'm sure some Victorians thought people were living it up in workhouses. The fact is few people would choose a life on benefits and given there are very few job vacancies at the moment I would rather they were taken by people who actually want to work.

I'm sure some Victorians thought people were living it up in workhouses.

Please don't give the government any ideas.

Conditions in workhouses were made deliberately awful in order to "encourage" lazy citizens to work! People in workhouses wore uniforms to ensure that they were seen by the general populace when out and about, made to work for their bed and food, and in addition to workers who were unable to find employment they took on orphans, abandoned children, the mentally ill and disabled, unmarried mothers and the elderly in what was no more than a legalised form of slavery.

Two of my elderly ancestors, husband and wife, died in a workhouse because their children converted to Mormonism and took off to America abandoning their parents to the workhouse because nobody stayed to support them. Eleven living children and every one of them p**sed off to let their parents die in servitude and poverty.

You’re missing my point, I absolutely don’t think they’re living it up watching sky tv and smoking and all the crap people spout. I think it’s probably pretty miserable and I think people would (if able of course!) be happier working or volunteering (not when circumstances dictate otherwise) and with purpose etc.