AIBU to think that my 'D'H of 36 years is an arsehole

[RazorSharp1]

I've been sober/alcohol free for coming up to 5 years, I was an alcoholic, binge drank to excess but still was fully functioning at work etc
I have no problem having booze in the house as he still enjoys a beer/whisky

We used to drink together, but I took control and just stopped cold turkey and vowed that I would never drink again.

We were talking this morning and apparently he said that I would be a lot happier if I had a drink now and then as I don't seem very happy all of the time

I went through the Menopause with no HRT etc and we moved house 2 1/2 years ago and he did nothing to help so the stress was awful at the time and I'm literally just coming out of it all mentally and somewhat physically, it battered me

He has suggested that I have a small scotch now and then but I've refused

(Name changed for this)

Anyone who encourages an alcoholic to drink when they are doing amazingly well at controlling their addiction is a full blown, card carrying arsehole.

Wow. He is an awful person for saying that. Just awful.

Is this a surprise or is he generally unsupportive if you?

Meant to add - massive congratulations on giving it up. You deserve better.

Yuck. Dick head. You deserve better.

Dh has given up alcohol and to be honest I do think sometimes that it would be nice if he would join me in a glass of wine BUT he was never an alcoholic and if he had been I would just be incredibly proud and thankful that he had stopped.
Your DH is being a selfish Dick.

Who on earth has voted YABU?! That's an incredibly stupid thing for him to suggest, why in the world would he want you to return to alcoholism?! Sounds over all like he's a total bellend, sorry OP. Does he have good points?

He's an idiot for suggesting this, and well-done on your sobriety. Is he trying to sabotage because he himself has alcohol problems?

You don't sound happy though. And it really stands out for me that you're talking about a house move 2 1/2 years on. In the nicest possible way, why wouldn't you be over that by now?

If you're not happy, move on from the relationship. Life's short.

Sounds logical, now that you're sober you've realised what a twat he is - reasons to not be cheerful, part 3...

Well.

He's an idiot.

Why did you not take hrt?

Is he a happy little soldier all the time because he likes a drink?
Sounds to me like he's trying to justify the drinking that he does, not that he has to.
Well done on your sobriety op.

He could potentially ruin your life with this suggestion. I'd seriously consider ltb.

He's a dick.

Well done on kicking the booze, not an easy thing to do.
Your 'D'H should be fully behind you.

He should be keeping those thoughts to himself.

My friend’s husband was sober for a while and although she’d encouraged him in the first place, she admitted to me that she found him miserable to be around. Sometimes it can be a catalyst to exposing an unhappy life or relationship.

It is tricky. I agree DH should not have encouraged someone back to drink. But without him being an alcoholic himself, he may very well miss the relaxation and laughter that can come with a couple of glasses - if only we could all stop there. I know that I'm much busier now I've given up alcohol, as well as bearing more of the financial and domestic load, and my DH misses the times we just sat and relaxed and chatted and yes, two or three glasses were had. OP has made huge efforts and done so well, and her DH has been appallingly stupid, but perhaps making time to do something relaxing with him would help?

He's a knob head

I don’t drink, I was never an alcoholic, it’s just not something that has ever been part of my life and I’m fine with that
However, I’ve often found others have an issue with it. Whenever I say I don’t drink, I’m pushed for a reason, am I an alcoholic, am I on antibiotics…. It’s bizarre.

When I was younger I felt enormous pressure to drink to fit in and even found that sometimes people wouldn’t invite me out because i wasn’t drinking.

i have tried the odd drink here and there, and I quite like the taste of a few drinks
its not that I would mind the odd one here and there
but i found it easier to not drink at all because I’ve found if I have one people push for more
or make comment about how slow I’m drinking it etc

IMO me drinking slowly, only having one or none at all makes them feel bad about drinking, or how much are having

Obviously Your situation is completely different because you have had an issue and taken control of it which is fantastic

But I wouldn’t be surprised if the reason your husband is pushing for you to have the odd drink here and there is because if you’re drinking too then it’s less noticeable how much or how often he’s drinking.
or because by blaming you not drinking for your unhappiness he doesn’t have to acknowledge any deeper issues where he may be culpable

You do sound unhappy
But I highly doubt a few drinks is going to change that, in fact if it sets you off drinking heavily again it’s going to make things a whole lot worse

if he can’t understand that then is there even a future for you both?

from my heart not my mind becuse I’m not an expert about this…OP please seek support from others who have come thru addiction re: absolute arsehole suggestion you drink to be more fun. This seems like a sabotage in the works. Congratulations on your sobriety Keep on keeping on and be mindful it’s a disease characterized by relapse so you need support every day all around you. You said cold turkey so are you involved in any sobriety groups like AA ?

Always the first post!

You don't need any more answers @RazorSharp1

Urgh my DF pulls this from time to time. He's like "I preferred you when you drank". I mean, what does he expect me to say.. I could die if I go back to drinking but so long as you're happy?

Tell him to get to fuck ! Alcohol is obviously not changing his shitty personality, so you'll pass thanks!
Stay strong and celebrate your own achievement with nurturing things for yourself ❤️

@RazorSharp1 - Well done for quitting alcohol.
Your partner is a serious threat to your new alcohol free life, He’s probably jealous.

Drinkers like company.

Could you possibly LTB?

I can't believe he'd be happy for you to endanger your hard-won sobriety for his own convenience. Actually, I can. What a total arsehole. I'd be making it VERY clear that he must never make that suggestion again and that if he did I would be filing for divorce.