AIBU to think that my 'D'H of 36 years is an arsehole

[RazorSharp1]

I've been sober/alcohol free for coming up to 5 years, I was an alcoholic, binge drank to excess but still was fully functioning at work etc
I have no problem having booze in the house as he still enjoys a beer/whisky

We used to drink together, but I took control and just stopped cold turkey and vowed that I would never drink again.

We were talking this morning and apparently he said that I would be a lot happier if I had a drink now and then as I don't seem very happy all of the time

I went through the Menopause with no HRT etc and we moved house 2 1/2 years ago and he did nothing to help so the stress was awful at the time and I'm literally just coming out of it all mentally and somewhat physically, it battered me

He has suggested that I have a small scotch now and then but I've refused

(Name changed for this)

True this. Heavily drinking ( functioning alcoholic )friends split up when one got sober and the other refused to stop. It's not unusual. Maybe a bit of support via counselling for you as you're not getting it at home.

I honestly believe there are a small number of people on mumsnet that are mentally retarded! Who in their right mind thinks it’s ok to push a recovering alcoholic into having a drink? Nutters, that who!

Yes, he sounds like an arsehole. With the disrespect to your sobriety and leaving you to sort a house move on your own.

No sure what having no HRT has to do with it though

This would be final straw based on the rest of his attitude. He’s at best a dead weight you are carrying and at worst a toxic influence and serious risk to your wellbeing.

Well done on how you’ve managed in spite of him.

You are correct, he is an arsehole!

Don’t do it!

Congratulations on your sobriety! Your H is a massive wanker. Is he like this in every aspect of your life?

Firstly well done you - you are amazing xxx
secondly, he is evil suggesting you drink and are miserable ffs!!!!!
sounds like he is jealous of your strength of character and sheer determination (keep it up )

You've achieved so much by yourself, perhaps you need to remove this last "hindrance" before it drags you down.

yup total arsehole.
wel done maintaining "no"

This is definitely a case of LTB for me. He's a piece of shit.

I gave up alcohol mostly for medical reasons but didn't miss it and still don't. I have friends who are quite offensive about it. They don't understand why I don't need alcohol to have a good time. One even said that being of Celtic origin means I should drink alcohol.

I'm sure you'd tell me I'm under no pressure to drink and that I should just get new friends. Think about your husband in this light. My DH does occasionally feel guilty about having a drink but had only once made me feel pressured to have alcohol (he feared offence and possible violence from the person offering it and has learnt his lesson). Explain to him that he's fine to have a drink - you really don't mind - but you have no desire to do so. Be the designated driver and people will love you. He'll never have to call a cab...

I'd also recommend 0% alcohol lager, Guinness, wine and gin which do really help with people leaving you in peace.

I haven't read the full thread but may be able to offer an alternative perspective here.

DM (10 years ago) suddenly announced one day that she wasn't going to drink any more. This was on the back of DSIS admitting she was alcoholic. DM seemingly took a deal with the devil and pledged never to drink again if DSIS stayed sober.

Sadly, DM passed away 2.5 years ago, and it's only now I realise that she was also potentially alcohol dependent.

DF (still very much alive and well) has sometimes shown some resentment towards DSIS as it was seemingly her fault that DM stopped having fun and drinking.

DM health deteriorated hugely in a short time and I think DF connects this with her not drinking and stopping going out etc..

Maybe OP DH feels similar and isn't articulating well.

Wow. He sounds like a complete arsehole. Who in their right mind encourages an ex-alcoholic to drink again?!

And the first post nails it! Total arsehole.