AIBU to think that my 'D'H of 36 years is an arsehole

[RazorSharp1]

I've been sober/alcohol free for coming up to 5 years, I was an alcoholic, binge drank to excess but still was fully functioning at work etc
I have no problem having booze in the house as he still enjoys a beer/whisky

We used to drink together, but I took control and just stopped cold turkey and vowed that I would never drink again.

We were talking this morning and apparently he said that I would be a lot happier if I had a drink now and then as I don't seem very happy all of the time

I went through the Menopause with no HRT etc and we moved house 2 1/2 years ago and he did nothing to help so the stress was awful at the time and I'm literally just coming out of it all mentally and somewhat physically, it battered me

He has suggested that I have a small scotch now and then but I've refused

(Name changed for this)

Huge congrats on your sobriety
He's a dumb arsehole
A decent caring DH would be supportive and proud of you

Exactly!

Some people want to drag others down so they can feel better about themselves.

Dont let him, OP. Well done on your fantastic achievement.

I'm quite shocked at some of the posters almost trying to justify him.

If you think people need alcohol (just a couple donthcha know) to be "relaxed and happy" that says more about you and your relationship with alcohol than the sober people around you.....

You know it's hard to get in many areas right? I'm 49 my Dr won't even entertain me

I didn't know that. I'm sorry to hear it because it should be freely available to any woman who can take it. At your age I would have thought it would be a given, depending on your medical history of course.

Your sobriety is to be applauded. He’s really not grasping how hard it is, is he? There’s no ‘just one for a little treat’ for an alcoholic. You are absolutely right to resist all temptation. He’s being so stupid to even suggest it.

That's very sad . He should be a lot more supportive and proud of you.

Please don’t judge those not taking HRT. There are sound medical reasons to take it and there are sound medical reasons why it is not suitable for some. I take my hat off to anyone who has navigated menopause without HRT.

Op, is your h a problem drinker at all?

I find those who encourage others to drink want to feel better about themselves and disguise their own issues.

You're amazing for having stopped cold turkey.

Does he actually understand that you are an alcoholic? Albeit one in recovery? Does he understand that for a true alcoholic, it is never just one? And that an occasional drink is not an option?
Or does he just think you gave up for the fun of it?
My answer to whether he is an arsehole depends on his knowledge level.

Well done you OP for quitting alcohol.

Your DH is absolutely out of order suggesting you should have a drink again. He does not have your best interests at heart .In fact to suggest you have a drink shows what a malicious man he is.I say this as someone who has had a lifelong struggle with alcohol but who quit it for good 2 years ago.

I don't understand why some pp are now trying to bully you into taking HRT. I thought about taking it but it coincided with the big health scare over the side effects and consequences of HRT so I never took it.I'm sure as OP had the willpower and sense to quit alcohol then she also has the sense to make the decision about HRT without being told what to do by pp.

He's an arsehole and an idiot.
Well done for yourself!
Former binge drinker here, not alcoholic, also five years sober.
Consider living on your own ❤️

Totally this.

Why does he want to sabotage you. I'd be thinking about that.

well done op. Its a great achievement. I hope you feel really proud 😊

hes not helpful or supportive. He wont change or be open to changing his lifestyle unfortunately

I didn't know that. What an idiot. Is it the Scientology thing? Like Tom cruise not believing in anti depressants and psychiatry?

Why not? Don’t take no for an answer.

I don't understand why some pp are now trying to bully you into taking HRT. I thought about taking it but it coincided with the big health scare over the side effects and consequences of HRT so I never took it.I'm sure as OP had the willpower and sense to quit alcohol then she also has the sense to make the decision about HRT without being told what to do by pp.

If that's aimed at me then you can pack it in. I can't help it that you can't read/comprehend what's posted. If you think posters are bullying the OP then report them. I've been nothing but supportive of the OP and to the poster who can't get HRT.

I think context is important

Is this the first / only time he has ever suggested this @RazorSharp1 ?

I am almost 3 years AF and I am the first to admit I'm probably not as much fun as the previous version of me (I'm calmer, happier, healthier, more present and more balanced but I know I'm not particularly fun!) so I wouldn't be massively offended if my partner was to broach the subject with me. Not about having a drink per se but about my happiness. However I'd explain my position and expect the notion of me drinking 'occasionally' never to be raised again!!

Of course my partner already knows my position. But I wouldn't be offended if he expressed a one off pondering about if I ever planned to drink on special occasions.

If this is something he is raising often or pressurising you with, he's bang out of order.

It is not just about him encouraging OP to drink - that might be excused if he really was utterly ignorant about alcoholism.

But OP also says he did nothing to help when they were moving house and she was stressed.

On that basis, I judge him to be a lazy waste of space who doesn't notice or care what OP is going through, and OP should dump him.

Even after 36 years of marriage, it is fine to get divorced.
The question is @RazorSharp1, do you want to spend your remaining retirement decades or years married to this arsehole, risking your sobriety every day? Or do you want to step bravely into a wonderful new life, just as you did when you gave up alcohol?

Does he have a drink problem himself? Just sounds like he doesn't like a light being held up as to what functioning alcoholic is

I didn't take HRT (started my menopause at 47) because my family medical history indicated best not to (no history of Osteoporosis and mum died of breast cancer in her early sixties). Fortunately, the only symptoms I had were hot flushes, which were easily manageable. I was lucky. 😊

It wasn't aimed at you, or anyone in particular.
I read a few posts where people seemed to be quite horrified that OP wasn't on HRT. I don't know why they pounced on that because as far as I can see that wasn't the point of the thread: the point of the thread was OP's DH undermining her in a very malicious way.
I know OP mentioned HRT in her first post. But it wasn't what she was asking about. And I felt given the way her DH was trying to persuade her to drink alcohol it didn't seem appropriate for other people trying to persuade her to take a drug she is perfectly capable of making her own mind up about.
Actually I haven't really read the thread since I posted my comment - I only came back on because someone reacted to my post and I saw your comment about what I'd said.

Osteoporosis doesn't have to be genetic unfortunately, just being a menopausal woman puts you at risk unfortunately. A DEXA scan would let you know if there's been a loss so you could alter diet and weight bearing exercise if needed even if you don't want to consider HRT