DD relationship with 50 yr old

[Bonniethecat1]

I have found out my DD is in sexual relationship with a man who turned 50 in August and she is not far off turning 25.. I think he is using her and how can I convince her to stop seeing him, she actually has admitted feelings for him, aibu to think this is so wrong? I can't stand this.

Btw, you can train and manipulate anyone, any age. There is a huge imbalance of power here. Says a lot about you, trying to normalise it

Like I said, I don't read it. But thanks for your expertise on such important matters.

A 50 year old man dating a 25 year old woman is not a groomer
He's not basically a peado

That's very much reducing actual crimes

It isn't. Again 50 yr olds should have sex with their own generation what is infantalising about that?

The problem is always the perv/creep, not the person they target.

Maybe point out that she may well be a carer by the time she’s his age if the relationship persists.

If she’s happy with that, not much you can do, really.

..and my husband is 20 years older than me. Been together 35 years - am I and my adult DC disgusting?

Ah so I don't back your point up so you become dismissive

Oh dear. People do not have to be underage to be groomed. Power imbalances happen at any age.

Likelihood of him wanting her past the age of 30 is almost nil. Normal 50 year old men have nothing in common with a young woman, he wants sex, naïveté and someone easy to manipulate until he throws her away for the next victim

Power imbalances aren't all about age either

It's possible for the younger person to hold more power. Such as if they happened to be the boss, have more money, blackmail etc

Calling an older man dating a younger ADULT woman a groomer is demeaning actual grooming

I wonder if many of those here defending creeps were on the Schofield threads saying nothing wrong with men in their 50s chasing very young men? Probably.

You can't 'demean grooming'. We should all agree that it can occur at any age.

A 50yr old predatory man chasing women in their 20s is not someone you would like, respect and certainly not someone you'd want a dd to be in a relationship with.

Anyway, she'll come to her senses when he reveals who he is.

Btw, you can train and manipulate anyone, any age. There is a huge imbalance of power here. Says a lot about you, trying to normalise it

Given the way you speak to, and about people, and the insinuations you make, I would maybe look in the mirror before pointing the finger at anyone else.

Should we stick to the conversation or does that sound like too much work?

You fired the first shots with your skeevy comment, don’t blame shift on me babes

Should we stick to the conversation or does that sound like too much work?

Oh, I agree. Maybe don't say "Says a lot about you, trying to normalise it"

Of course it's skeevy suggesting that someone gets a monetary benefit from a sexual relationship.

How? The guy is skeevy, the girl should make sure she leaves without feeling completely used. That’s how life works.

She is going to do it anyway and she has real value with her youth, she shouldn’t walk away with nothing. Not skeevy, cut throat.

Well that's one take, I suppose.

His value is financial, hers is sexuality and her youth.

Personally, I think giving it away to a predator for free is crazy. If you think that’s disgusting, so be it. I find girls wasting their most valuable resource on predatory men like this to be criminal.

You can demean if you reduce it to "I don't like this situation so it must be inappropriate l"

And acting like all older men in relationships with younger women are pervs and predators is taking away autonomy from women. Acting like they don't have a choice. And ignores the fact that there are predatory younger women who target older men

I'm not even going to address the fact she's now being actively encouraged to use him

As she is an adult I would stay out of it as it is unlikely to last anyway, just be there for her when she needs you. Pushing against a relationship will just make her pull away from you and more toward him.

Like he is using her, yes. She has to be benefitting from this set up, because he certainly is.

Ok, he may be one in a million who’s a genuine guy (and undeveloped, not good either) very unlikely though.

Yes this is true. If the op shows her disapproval it will damage her relationship with her dd. She needs to invite the creep round and pretend to like him, hard though that will be 😬.

Why do you say 'his value is financial'?

Most 50 year olds are not rich at all. And the more attractive ones will likely have been married before and have a family to fund.

An unencumbered man with a decent job, closer to her own age, would be a better bet financially.