DD relationship with 50 yr old

[Bonniethecat1]

I have found out my DD is in sexual relationship with a man who turned 50 in August and she is not far off turning 25.. I think he is using her and how can I convince her to stop seeing him, she actually has admitted feelings for him, aibu to think this is so wrong? I can't stand this.

At 25 I had had very much more life experience than many men of 50.

Really? Were you on your third wife by then? All half your age? With a few kids under your belt - some you knew about, others not so much 😂

How do you know what life experiences someone else has had?

I'd be very concerned too, OP. Is your daughter somewhat inexperienced and is flattered by this man's attention? Try to have a chat with her about where she sees the relationship going.
Does she want children?
Does she think this man would make a good father/is he good with his existing kids?
Has she met his existing kids? Does she get on with them?
How would she find bringing up her future teenaged children with a man who's nearly 70 (point out a few men of nearly seventy that she knows to help her imagine them)?
Does she want to go travelling? Will he be up for travelling with her? Will he be able to afford to do this sort of thing (what with all the child support he's hopefully paying)
Why does she think he's twice-divorced?
Is she prepared to be his carer, if required, in twenty years or so (I know this can happen at any age, but obviously much more likely with a man of this age) whilst simultaneously working to support the family, looking after the kids, dealing with her own menopause etc?

Don't bring up all the potential problems at once, but perhaps drop these ideas into conversations bit by bit ("I wonder what your kids would look like? Does Fred see much of his kids? It's great that he takes them swimming every Thursday...he might not be able to do that with your kids, of course, as he'll be nearly 70 by then, the same age as Wilfred next door...at least you'll hopefully have your kids to help you look him, pop in and give him his lunch and medicines while you're put at work") to help the scales fall from her eyes.

Answering those who said a 25 year old woman could not have had the life experience of a 50 year old man.
I'd argue that entirely depends on how you live your life.
In my job i see lots of people. Im fairly sure that many of the 50 year old blokes I see have less life experience ( and common sense) than many toddlers.

She is an adult so not much you can do.

No matter how gross you find it.

That very much depends on the man doesnt it?
I know men who have barely left their street ( professional capacity- not private - fortunately)

I'm 55 and to be frank, I see very few men my age who I find attractive. Of course I'm not daft enough to think young men will be after me either, but I do see way more attractive, well turned out women in their 50s than men the same age. There's a lot of talk on these threads about 'buff' 50 year olds who are 'great in the sack' but these are very rarely spotted in the wild.

When I was the OP's daughter's age, it wouldn't even have occurred to me to find 50 year old men hot. Even a good looking 40 year old would be pushing it. And all my friends felt the same way. We fancied men our own age or maybe slightly older. The reality is that very few middle aged men are attractive to much younger women.

I very much doubt that any 50 year old has less life experience than a toddler, what nonsense!

Different posters but ok

When I was the OP's daughter's age, it wouldn't even have occurred to me to find 50 year old men hot. Even a good looking 40 year old would be pushing it. And all my friends felt the same way. We fancied men our own age or maybe slightly older. The reality is that very few middle aged men are attractive to much younger women.

I don't actually disagree with this (there's probably a good reason a lot of the examples of hot men cited are famous actors!), and I didn't generally find much older men attractive as a younger woman (again, famous people crushes aside).

But it does happen. Relationships with big gaps are less usual, obviously, than those with smaller gaps, but they exist, and I find the vicious judgement on what grown adults chose to do or who they choose to have relationships with, quite disgusting.

Don't want to shag/be involved with a much younger/older person? Marvelous, you don't have to. But adults can make their choices.

And for the love of all that is holy I wish people would stop infantalising adults in their twenties.

Not having a go at you personally btw @@IcedPurple, I just quoted you as my own tastes and preferances are much like yours. But it's a big old world and people are very varied.

'And for the love of all that is holy I wish people would stop infantalising adults in their twenties.'

Well, I wish for 'the love of all that is holy' folk would stop with the 'infantilising' accusations. We aren't. We are pointing out that people in their 50s should look to their own generation for sex and leave young people alone.

But it's a big old world and people are very varied.

And yet we very rarely see posts from 50 year old women shagging men half their age, with people defending it because the man is 'so mature for his age' and the woman is still 'buff'.

So maybe not that varied!

Nah.

Well, I wish for 'the love of all that is holy' folk would stop with the 'infantilising' accusations. We aren't. We are pointing out that people in their 50s should look to their own generation for sex and leave young people alone.

But that is infantalising. What younger adults do with their bodies is only their business, not yours. Many won't wish to sleep with someone much older, some might.

And yet we very rarely see posts from 50 year old women shagging men half their age, with people defending it because the man is 'so mature for his age' and the woman is still 'buff'.
So maybe not that varied!

There's been a couple of posts on here recently of women in their forties pondering shagging men in their twenties after offers, and the amount of vitriol was off the charts.

You keep acting like a 25 year old can't make their own choices and decisions. That's infantalising

Middle aged women are often in magazines like Take a Break (which is MN in print) because they've shacked up with some 20 year old waiter from Egypt....

I never read those magazines so thanks for your expertise.

If these stories are considered 'news' worthy then almost by definition they are rare, aren't they? So you've kind of proved my point.

Every one defending this man in the comments. Nasty.

I get you. Make sure she is getting something out of this other than an old groomy predators ’love’. You won’t be able to stop it, but you can talk to her about the imbalance of power, how these men prey on young women, and how she must not leave empty handed.

I get you. Make sure she is getting something out of this other than an old groomy predators ’love’. You won’t be able to stop it, but you can talk to her about the imbalance of power, how these men prey on young women, and how she must not leave empty handed.

See? This right here. You can't groom an adult.
Love the advice to indulge in a bit of compensation dating though, not skeevy at all.

And ffs, don’t get pregnant by the groomer

Nah, what’s skeevy is a 50 year old man going after young girls, get it right

This ensures she won’t leave empty handed in her mistake

Take A Break, as I say, is like MN in print
Aka mostly middle aged women sharing stories

It's not like a newspaper with breaking news ffs