DD relationship with 50 yr old

[Bonniethecat1]

I have found out my DD is in sexual relationship with a man who turned 50 in August and she is not far off turning 25.. I think he is using her and how can I convince her to stop seeing him, she actually has admitted feelings for him, aibu to think this is so wrong? I can't stand this.

I think an older man with the history/ reputation that the OP say he has could potentially be a more sophisticated manipulator, more so than a younger man nearer her daughters age

So?

Her daughter is twenty five
What is it with the infantilising of women on this site?!

I can imagine how you're feeling. But I don't know the details. If she's anything like me (I'm 20), if you try to break up the relationship, she'll just deliberately try to strengthen it and distance herself from you.
So, unless you have distinctive reasons to think she's being used, it's better to let her be.
If you DO definitely think something is wrong, then I would suggest you talk to other family members before talking to her about it (in case you need back up or the man gets to hear of your suspicions).

A 25 year old woman does not have the life experience of a 50 year old man even if she thinks she does

A 25 year old woman has plenty of life experience. Stop infantalising them and acting like they are naive and innocent and all the nasty men will manipulate them because they can't look after themselves

I’ve never had children. It feels great!!!

No such thing!

All the comments about a 'drip feed'. It was surely obvious this would be an awful man with form for disastrous relationships with the of targeting young women. Even if the op didn't post that I'd have put a tenner on it.

Also, again it is not 'infantilising' women to point out at 25 we maybe all do crazy things, fortunately there isn't usually a sexual predator lurking on the sidelines.

Well said!

Creepy fucker.

Leave her to it, she’s an adult.

i had a relationship with a similar gap in my early 20’s. It was great fun, the first man who ever treated me right, sexually he was amazing and gave me my first orgasm! We had a great year before we mutually ended it as ar such different stages in our lives. We stayed in touch for many years after, he was a good friend to me, lost contact when we both moved on and away.

Your daughter is old enough to make her own decisions.

So what do you advise the OP to do? Ground her? Lock her in her bedroom?

I doubt anybody on this thread would prefer their child to find a partner double their age but they can't forbid them from doing so.

But as others have said, what can the OP do about it? She has to let her daughter make her own mistakes.

It is a drip feed!

A 50 year old man does not instantly become a perv. A 50 year old man could have a failed relationship because of his wife. A 25 year old could go after a 50 year old without being "targetted"

We can do "crazy" things at any age. What age does it become acceptable to make our own decisions? Because at 25 you have plenty of life experience (and could actually have more than a 50 year old! Age doesn't always mean experience. An outgoing 25 year old might have visited half the world, had their heart broken several times, partied all night... and a 25 year old might even have a better job than a 50 year old. And introvert 50 year old might never have gone further than Cornwall, met their partner at 18 and married them and never had another relationship until their marriage suddenly breaks down, have always done sedate things and never gone far) and acting like they are naive is infantalising them!

how can I convince her to stop seeing him

She's an adult. You can't. It's none of your business.

She's 25, not 18. She's more than capable of making her own relationship choices. Maybe he's using her, maybe he isn't, but there's nothing you can do about it either way.

I would definitely be telling my daughter what I had heard about his reputation/ history, I would also make it clear she understood that this man is 17 years away from collecting his old age pension at which stage she will still be a relatively young woman in her early 40’s

'It is a drip feed! A 50 year old man does not instantly become a perv'

A very predicatable drip feed. We all knew he'd no doubt have form.

No, a 50yr old man does not instantly become a perv nor do 60 or 70 yr olds. The ones that target women half their age however are creeps at best, pervs at worst. Can't believe we're having to spell this stuff out.

No I don't expect her to lock her up. As I've said she'll have to grin and bear it unfortunately and hope her dd susses out that he's a sleazeball and inadequate all by herself.

He might be a sophisticated George Clooney type, intelligent and funny and wealthy, and she might have a fun time with him until it runs its course.

The village rumours might be gossip spread around by people who want to damage his reputation.

Or the opposite could be true. Nothing wrong with the big age gap although it’s not to many people’s preference. The only thing you can do is be a good friend / wise and supportive parent and give advice if asked, a hug if needed. He might end up being your son in law. He might end up being a brief affair soon forgotten.

Nicely selective there

Love the way some PP complain about the blatant ageism in this thread (which is fair enough and I agree - claiming that 50yos are all gross and wrinkled with fetid breath is awful), but then themselves make ageist and sexist remarks that middle-aged women are 'wild with rage' about having to 'compete' with younger women. Vile.

Yeah it's not ageist to not find older men or women attractive. Once I'm that age then I will find that attractive..

Well said.. I can't believe all the creep apologists on this thread.
They're either men.. or women in large age gap relationships..

When I was z27 I dated a man of 52, it didn’t last long . He was a nice guy but we had absolutely nothing in common. I’m afraid she is an adult, all you can do is encourage her to hang out more with her friends and keep up her hobbies… she’ll soon get bored of him. I’m sure her friends are pretty grossed out by it.

She's 25- not a child.
How do you know this blokes not buff as fuck? He's 50... not 80.