Does it sound like my DD is normal for 10 years old?

[Normal10yoYesorNo]

DD is 10, school year 6, will be 11 in 2025 but is the youngest in her year (end of July birthday).

ExH is insisting I baby her and that she’s too old to play with toys. Her school, however, have not raised any concerns from her play - they have a common room area for year 5s and 6s with age appropriate toys etc which DD loves, each class gets an hour a week in this common room (3 form entry school) and they’ve said DD plays fine with other girls (she rarely plays with the boys) and they play in an age appropriate way.

So does this sound normal:

• Loves baby dolls – dresses them, feeds them, puts them to bed, talks to them while she’s doing it. Hands them to her friends/me/her grandparents/teacher to “look after” and tells us how to do it before going off to play with other toys
• Also loves barbie dolls – dresses them up, has fashion shows, plays them as baby/dog/whatever sitter, brushes their hair. The children/baby barbies go to School and Guides etc while the adults do “boring” (her words) things like shopping and work
• Loves card games like Uno and Snap
• Loves some simpler board games like snakes and ladders
• Loves Lego – builds houses, zoos, farms and schools but never vehicles or space station or similar (I think we had a church once but it was a one off). Has most of the animal sets and always builds big multi people houses/places then has the animals running wild looking for their owners/keepers, she finds this hilarious and plays it a lot – she doesn’t build particular sets as such but asks for the general boxes or specific ones if they have people/animals in she wants
• She plays with things together so often the Lego Animals end up being the pets of the barbies etc.
• Loves Stuffed Animals and has many – she likes to put on shows with these, she sings and leaps about while they watch.
• Likes craft activities like card making, simple sewing, badge making – she absolutely loves glitter, stickers, glue, sequins etc.
• Likes baking cakes and bread/pizzas with me
• Her clothes still have characters like Stitch and Barbie on
• Her glasses are Crayola with a rainbow pattern on the side
• Her hearing aids are Blue one side and Pink the other (her choice)
• Her chosen extra curricular are Guides (Girlguides) and Choir – she could do more than 2 but chooses not to
• Still believes in Santa (although I plan to tell her the truth in the summer before she goes to secondary school)
• Starting to get into makeup for parties, discos at school etc. but doesn’t want it for general wear yet

ExH thinks she should be into none character clothes, makeup for the full face and skincare, grownup games like trivial pursuit and monopoly. He hasn’t bought her a single toy since she was about 8 saying she’s way too old. He thinks she should be more interested in her phone and tablet (don’t get me wrong she wants to use them and does but never asks to go on them, she’d rather play – the phone is for walking home from school and the tablet we take to appointments with us). He thinks her glasses need to be upgraded to designer labels so she “fits in” with her friends and her hearing aids should be changed to be less babyish. He thinks her activities should also be more grown up and has suggested Gymnastics and a language Class (She turned her nose up at Gymnastics and says she’s learning French at school so doesn’t want to do anymore yet, her potential secondary school offer French, Spanish, Mandarin and German as Extra Curriculars so she can always pick them up there – I am happy to pay for these if school ask me to)

For Christmas he bought her a TV for her room there and a playstation 5 with a couple of age 12 games as she’s “too old for toys now” which she says she isn’t really bothered by and wants to spend more time with me so she can play. When asked why age 12 games he said anything for age 7 up and younger seemed “babyish”.

For Christmas I got her some barbies, a bit more Lego (she has loads of the stuff), a few soft toys (including a dancing stitch thing that she would take absolutely everywhere with her if given the chance) and some clothes.

ExH thinks he ideal day out should be a grown up 12 or 15 movie followed by a meal at an Indian restaurant. Whereas I took her to the circus and out for pizza after during October Half Term and she still acts out her favourite bits of the circus with her toys now.

Don’t get me wrong, she’s not a fussy eater at all, eats most things but she will reject an entire meal still if she so much as sniffs the foods she doesn’t like and spicy is one of her things she doesn't like (anything spicy, even a tiny bit of onion can be too spicy). She also is very grown up in other areas. She very quickly mastered tying her school tie, always check she has her pin badges for school and guides on her uniform (and with guides makes sure they're in the correct place and can move them herself if they're not), sews her own badges onto her guides uniform (but can't do her camp blanket herself yet), she brushes her own hair (i still help her tie it up and wash it), cleans and looks after her own glasses and hearing aids, will take our dog on a short walk alone locally (unfamiliar areas or longer walks she still wants me with her), can feed the dog and knows to check her water bowl and refill it without me reminding her, will walk herself to Guides (but has to have an adult pick her up due to end time - which is fair enough), walks home from school 3 nights a week with her friends, makes her own bed in the morning etc. so she isn't by any means held back.

She does have a minor speech delay as well as hearing issues which need aids. She also has had glasses since age 3. School have absolutely no concerns about her, say she’s bang on academically in most subjects (it’s things which are more wordy like English and things requiring balance like PE she struggles in, she takes her aids out for PE so that is probably why). Audiology and ENT have never raised any concerns at all about her emotional age.

Does my DD sound normal for her age?

As I type this she’s emptying the lego box to make a rescue centre for abandoned animals, chattering away about what pieces she wants and why.

ExH says this isn't normal and i need to encourage more grownup activities for her. ExH has DD for 2 nights EOWend, no extra (his own choice) and DD is both of ours only child but ExH has neices and nephews where I don't so don't know whether I am just not used to knowing what is normal.

Vote:
YANBU - DD sounds normal for her age
YABU - DD sounds a bit babied/young for her age

She sounds fairly similar to my DSD9 who loves dolls, Lego, etc and is just starting to get into make up a little bit. Let them be little!

As the mother of a 20 year old your post made me quite teary!! You should treasure every moment while she still wants to do these things and your ex sounds completely mad.

She sounds great, your ex sounds like a complete twat, what parent wants their child to get into make up and video games that have older ratings? Even if she had slightly younger preferences, so what? What's the harm? Does he really think she will still be playing with dolls at 17? I know plenty of adults who still love lego

She sounds like an amazing young girl with an incredible imagination. Your ex is speaking rubbish. It makes me so sad to see so many young children growing up before their time. Embrace every moment of her enjoying these things.
My youngest is in year 5 and will be 10 in August. She does have special needs but she is miles away from makeup and phones etc. Let them be kids as long as they can be. There is enough time to be in the scary adult world. Protect that innocence and joy.
You will probably see a big change in her once she starts secondary school anyway. My son is in year 7 and has gone from having no friends to talking on his phone all day.

Surely the last thing a 10 year old needs is full face make up. I think she sounds like most 10 year olds used to be when I was growing up. If only they were all so charming.

She sounds very sweet and lovely.
She's pretty much exactly the same age as my DD and I'd say sounds a tad bit younger emotionally but not excessively so.

It's a funny age, some of my DD's year group are allowed social media and there's a marked difference between what she calls 'the tiktok girls' and those like her who are more sheltered.
DD is starting to show an interest in skincare etc mostly influenced by chatting to friends, she's definitely developing an interest in clothes and her appearance. But she also still loves her schleich animals and will often use playing with her little brother as an excuse to pick up the rainbow high/monster high dolls and do a bit of pretend play and she gets totally absorbed when they do. She's very artistic and she's started to take that more seriously and trying to develop actual skills and techniques rather than just for fun now.

It's a transitional age, there'll be a variation from child to child. If she's happy which it sounds like she is and achieving at school I'd let her take her time and enjoy being the age she is, she has her teen years to act like a teenager. It's a shame your ex can't see the joy in her innocence.

YANBU, it's the skincare and 'being hot' ten year olds that are the exception, not the rule - that's why you get people writing articles about them and not girls like DD. Kids go at their own pace, and you go with that - it doesn't sound like you're doing anything to keep her less mature, you're just letting her be herself and that's exactly what you ought to do.

Perfectly normal and age appropriate. Why is her so keen for her to grow up before she is ready. He should be glad she wants to play with toys before a phone or tablet. He needs to butt out as he had no idea.

Sounds like a well adjusted and completely normal child.

Why is your ex in such a hurry to push her into being older? Some of The behaviours he is wanting her to exhibit are too old. Who wants to push their kid onto screens all the time when she would rather plan?

A full face of makeup at 10 is pretty disgusting in my opinion (and I very rarely use that word).

I think your ex wants the best for her but is going about it in the wrong way. There are plenty of ways of being these days - much more understanding of difference. Imo your ex needs to accept who she is and stop trying to force stuff on her.

The only thing I would say though is that autism in girls is very badly understood, even by professionals. Both my daughters are on the autistic spectrum, but if you met them you wouldn't guess, as they mask so well in public.

Not wanting to do what peers are doing and sticking with much younger games etc could be seen as not picking up on social cues, not caring what others think.

My younger daughter was like this. She played with baby dolls way longer than anyone else. In fact we had to buy her a proper buggy to push her dolls around in as she was too big for the toy ones!

She moved on to the lifelike dolls that people often collect (see Ashton Drake). It was her specialist interest - autistic girls often choose something sort of socially acceptable and often involving people or dolls rather than random stuff like Thomas the Tank Engine like the boys do.

My daughters are just who they are. We decided to let my daughter push life-like dolls around in a buggy but I know lots of people wouldn't. The issue is you might allow it but your ex won't and that could be hard.

Good luck.

Your DD sounds lovely OP. Keep believing in and supporting her interests as you know her far better than her DF, who rarely sees her. Many parents would love to have such a sensitive, confident and thoughtful child. Her imagination speaks volumes to her emotional intelligence- what a gift!

DS1 and 2 are in their 20s and still play with Lego!

DS2 played with dolls etc at 10 and also board games. He slept with his cuddly toys until he was 15!

Your daughter is being completely age appropriate in her play. If you want to hold on to your sanity, don't introduce her to Monopoly.

you do need to tackle the Father Christmas issue shortly. It probably won't come as a huge shock to her.

She sounds just like my nephew who’s the same age. He seems young for his age but I think it’s just all other kids that are being pressured into growing up too fast. They’re more like kids were before they got their hands on too much technology at a young age. I do worry about how he’s going to fit in at high school though!

DD was similar at that age (also July birthday) and I found Y6 is a big change over.

Lots of younger play was more and more abandoned like dolls, barbies and more interest in phone, tablet came automatically.

It also depends on the school, DD had some girls, 11 going on 14 and others like your DD.

Her dad sounds ridiculous, what does he want to achieve?

It’s weird your ex wants his ten year old child to wear a full face of makeup. That’s insane

I think she sounds absolutely delightful.

Your exH on the other hand…

I stopped reading when I got to "still believes in Santa".

That is ridiculous. I would expect any child to stop believing between 5-7, & think it's foolish for parents to perpetuate the myth beyond that age,.

My 10-year-old still plays with those kinds of toys. And so does my nearly-13-year-old (though she is autistic). I think we put too much pressure on kids to grow up and we should just leave them to enjoy what they enjoy.

She sounds adorable OP. And perfect.

Plenty of time for her to grow up and act like a teenager! Your exDH is weird.

There's nothing wrong whatsoever with anyone other than your husband.

Who is he to dictate what a young girl/ soon to be young woman likes or dislikes? How bizarre.

I played with barbies until I left primary school.
Every kid should play with whatever they want.

You're only a child once so embrace it and enjoy it. Kids seem to try and grow up very quickly now. Skincare for seven year olds? Gimme a break.

See sounds like she's got loads of things she enjoys doing and I think that's brilliant- especially all the imaginative and creative stuff and I'd embrace it as long as possible if she were my daughter. Some 10 year old girls think they're 16 and are only into what they look like and their phones so I think, as I've already said, embrace it.

She sounds great!

I think girls are a real mix at that age - even within themselves. My friends 13 yo DD would behave like a world weary 40 year old one minute, then her eyes would light up if you gave her a bag of sweeties.

she’s on the cusp of growing out of toys, but why rush it?

Nooooo!

Kids grow up way too quick these days - I say keep the magic alive for as long as possible! My kids were told when they were 11 too.

God I wish I had been this innocent when I was 10.

Sounds like you’ve done parenting quite right. Why does DH want her to grow up so fast? All these kids on apps they don’t need to be on are a huge problem with confidence and cyber bullying. She sounds like she’s got her hobbies and interests and isn’t just following a crowd online.

DH should shut him trap and stop being a spoil sport.