AIBU for feeling annoyed my friend is meeting up with others on our holiday? I paid for the airbnb

[TheRubyPoet]

My friend hadn't been on a sun holiday for a while and I booked an Airbnb in the canaries. She has her own bedroom and ensuite and as I was going to travel alone I didn't mind offering her the room for free.
I assumed we'd have meals together and agree on trips and have some alone time as well as hang out at the beach.
I know her over 20 years but not been on holiday with her.
She has a school friend who lives in gran Canaria who she met on day 2, day 3 and day 4 today, I don't really like her and so politely left after a couple of drinks on day 2.
My friend has continued to meet up with this friend and not see this as a problem. I'm absolutely floored that she would leave me alone to hang out with her when it wasn't discussed when I offered her the free room.
AIBU and what should I say?

She probably thinks you want the time alone and is trying not to gatecrash your travel plans.

Ask her if she fancies doing x activity with you or find some other way of raising it with her.

Yeah pretty rude of her to accept your hospitality and then ignore you

Oh gosh that’s rude.

have your solo holiday you planned anyway, but obviously don’t invite her on any trips again.

There’s little point talking to her about it, she’s an adult and should be able to understand this is rude (even if you’d paid 50/50 for the accommodation), so either she’s fully aware she’s being rude but doesn’t care or she’s lacking in basic manners there’s little chance a chat will work. (She might one of those if she stopped to think about it, would realise it’s rude but hasn’t stopped to think about it because it would be inconvenient to her own happiness to realise she’s being rude.)

I think you're right, she's getting her lunch, drinks and dinner paid for by her old school friend.

If someone offered me a beautiful room and ensuite on a beach in high season I think I would book a fancy restaurant and offer to buy groceries and treats, because that would show some awareness of reciprocal behaviour amongst friends. A free room for a week is a pretty good deal! Maybe you have different standards?

I've just realised her school friend is paying for their meals so she's managed to score a 100% free holiday!

Did you talk about the holiday before you went? Any time I’ve gone away with a friend we’ve spoken about plans and agreed things like meals or any activities we both wanted to do along with an explicit conversation about needing time alone etc. It seems odd that she would go away with you and spend no time with you, I’d be unhappy about that.

Thank you. Honestly some of the responses here seem to think it's okay to take a friend's kind offer of free accomodation and offer nothing in return because I didn't specify that I expected anything in return and am 'travelling alone anyway' 🙄 What happened to treating someone for a nice meal because they were generous to you?

It's very rude. Presumably you said something like 'There is a spare room so come along if you like,' which doesn't translate into doing what she likes, on her own, without considering you. Didn't you talk about the holiday on the way or beforehand though, about what you wanted to do there etc? And yes, she should be paying for meals etc to say thank you.

I think OP it might have been wise to say , I've got a free room going begging and to be honest would appreciate the company -

Could be she's a thoughtless person or could be she thought you would like the space

So is she deliberately ignoring you? Or did you not tell her you don’t like her friend and then quietly excuse yourself?

Because perhaps she thought you had wanted to travel alone, so was giving you space to do whatever she thought you had been planning to do before you suggested she went?

If you're good enough friends to travel together, I'd say something along the lines of " hey, I was hoping to go to XYZ place together today, shall we?"

Bloody hell OP, what a grifter.
Now you know!

I didn't know she had a friend from school living here when I offered her the room, she didn't mention it until just before we arrived.
Turns out school friend is rich so she's getting wined and dined for free. That's the reason she's not offering to take me out for a meal, she's a scrounger, it's just hit me.

It's normal to return a big gesture with a kind gesture, like offer to take me out for a nice meal, buy groceries etc. you know, normal behaviour in friendships, not take advantage of a favour ...or maybe that's just my standards.

That’s puts a different slant on the story then. She really should have mentioned it and said that she planned to spend some time with them and you could have said you can both do stuff when she isn’t seeing her friend.

Sounds like a complete lack of communication all round.

Because perhaps she thought you had wanted to travel alone, so was giving you space to do whatever she thought you had been planning to do before you suggested she went?

But if someone says to me they planned to go alone and then suggested I go with them, I’d need to be pretty thick or self absorbed to think they still wanted a solo holiday. You invite someone for company surely. I’d at least check what they were thinking before accepting a free room and yes, I’d be offering to pay for food or drinks as a thank you. Basic manners really.

I could easily see this written the other way around …

“I had a solo holiday planned. I offered the spare room to a friend but they are now expecting to hang out together all the time, go for dinner, go for trips. AIBU to think they should have been polite enough to realise that I am not here to entertain them all week when they are already getting a free holiday from me?”

What a leech.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Tell her it would be vice to do some stuff together / go for dinner.

So she did invite you the first time she met the friend?

I do agree that she needed to take you out for dinner a few times. But in her shoes I would probably be wary of impinging on your space and time.

Talk to her…. Or revert to pretending you are there alone and enjoy yourself .

But the holiday changed as soon as that happened - the op also no longer has a lovely space all to herself it is now shared with the friend.

You shouldn’t give to receive though, plus it’s cost you nothing giving her the room. If you wanted to be taken out for a meal or bought groceries in exchange for the room you should have discussed your expectations with your friend pre-trip.

Maybe she’s planning on taking you out on the last night as a thankyou, maybe she thinks you want to be alone seeing as you booked a solo trip, who knows just speak to her!

I thought the same

She's a leech, just do your own thing, don't buy any food to share, be grateful she's out the way.

I thought this too