AIBU for feeling annoyed my friend is meeting up with others on our holiday? I paid for the airbnb

[TheRubyPoet]

My friend hadn't been on a sun holiday for a while and I booked an Airbnb in the canaries. She has her own bedroom and ensuite and as I was going to travel alone I didn't mind offering her the room for free.
I assumed we'd have meals together and agree on trips and have some alone time as well as hang out at the beach.
I know her over 20 years but not been on holiday with her.
She has a school friend who lives in gran Canaria who she met on day 2, day 3 and day 4 today, I don't really like her and so politely left after a couple of drinks on day 2.
My friend has continued to meet up with this friend and not see this as a problem. I'm absolutely floored that she would leave me alone to hang out with her when it wasn't discussed when I offered her the free room.
AIBU and what should I say?

Don't go on holiday with her again she's using you as a source of free accommodation

as I was going to travel alone I didn't mind offering her the room for free.

I think this ^^ is possibly where a misunderstanding may have occurred?

She probably thinks she's giving you plenty of company for someone who would otherwise have gone alone, maybe?

Either way you need to communicate your feelings to her.

I assumed we'd have meals together and agree on trips and have some alone time as well as hang out at the beach.

You shouldn't have assumed. Your friend probably thought that you had offered her the accomodation but not that you expected it to then be the type of holiday where you hang out together, you had originally booked to go alone so she possibly assumed that you already had your own plans.

Isn’t it possible she thinks that, as you had originally booked a solo holiday, she’s being thoughtful by keeping out of your way and letting you have your space?

I think communication is key here. Could you plan some things together when friend returns and still leave another day for friend to meet other friend.

Why didn’t you just talk to her about your expectations and say that you would love to spend time with her and discuss how you could split your time - you and her going out for meals and her going out with her friend.

If you knew she had a friend who lived there, why would you think she wouldn’t spend time with them?

She probably saw it as an opportunity to spend time with her friend and you would either spend time with them or alone as you would have if she hadn't come . I would plan your day trips and invite her with no expectation.

Does she no you don’t like her friend? If not she probably thinks you want the time alone seen as you only invited her as you had a room free.

I would assume this too.
I think you need to have a chat with her rather than bottling it up and getting increasingly hurt and upset.

I would have offered to pay for some of cost knowing it would be a free holiday but maybe if she knew you were meant to be going on your own you wouldn't actually wanted her around all the time.

You've made it sound as though you're going on holiday alone and she is allowed to use the room. Hence she's now holidaying separately to you, just in the same accommodation.

I would have probably made plans to keep busy if i was tagging on to a solo planned holiday.
I think it's miscommunication, have a chat with her.

I think it's rude. She should have come on holiday with you if she didn't want to spend any time with you.

This is why you don't assume. You've known this woman for 20 years talk to her for fucks sake.

It's entirely possible she thinks that because you'd planned to go alone you've already got a full itinerary planned and she's staying out of your way. You're adults. TALK.

But it was never a joint holiday. The OP booked a solo holiday and afterwards offered a friend the spare room in her Airbnb.

I wonder if she thinks she is doing you a favour by allowing you alone time. It was a solo holiday after all and perhaps she thinks you want the space.

When you excused yourself from company she probably thought you wanted to be alone.

You offered free accommodation, she accepted. I guess she is making the most of the opportunity to catch up with the other friend. It is rude not to invite you along, perhaps she senses that you don't like this other friend.

How is she communicating her plans to you? Is she one of life 's passengers? Presumes everyone is there to help her out, not the other way around.

Its v hard to go on hols with anyone. All that time in someone else's company can be hard work. I guess you could ask her if she wants to do any activities together.

Maybe she thinks she is doing the right thing by giving space to you when you originally wanted to go alone. Maybe she also thinks her other friend is lovely and has no idea that you don't in fact like her and dom't want to hang out with her. Maybe she completely misunderstood the offer of the room that it was because you wanted to spend time eith her and not, hey I have a spare room in my apartment this week if you want to take it. That is a different proposition to, would you like to come on a holiday with me, let's plan our itinerary as I would love a travel companion to enjoy the holiday with.

Hmm, I can see both points. She probably didn't think that the room came with strings attached. Yes, she should be sharing her time more equally. But she did invite you along and you didn't like the friend, so ...
She probably also thought that you were happy to spend time on your own, as it had originally been intended as a solo trip.
You need to have a chat with her. Communication is key here.

Its not unreasonable to meet up with her friend. But doing it so often when you are not included is rude.

Would you have gone on your own if she wasn't available? Would a one bed apartment have been cheaper or had you always intended to stay in a 2 bed ?
I do think it's a bit rude of her, but if you don't like the other friend I wonder if it's down to preference on what she spends her time doing.

Not sure why you assumed any of that.

It sounds like you said she could have a spare room in your airbnb if she wanted, and she accepted.

That's not going on holiday together.

In your situation I wouldn't assume we'd be spending any time together beyond random circumstance.

Although you could ask if she was interested in doing something together, explicitly rather than assuming.

I don't think there's anything wrong with meeting up with others when you're on holiday with someone. And I think it's a bit precious and controlling to expect to have someone all to yourself. The fact that you don't like the friend is by the by really, as long as this friend is not being forced into your space all the time your feelings for her are not your friend's problem.

I also think as PPs have stated you should have discussed the terms of this before you went on holiday. The way you seem to have positioned this was as something you were doing anyway and she was entitled to the accommodation, as opposed to "we're on holiday together". So she probably didn't think you expected her to spend all her free time with you.

If you wanted it to be a "joint holiday" you should have specified this and you probably should have charged her too.

You were doing alone anyway originally so why is there an issue now?