I realised too late I don’t like parenting

[ThatCleverFawn]

I’m sure I’ll be judged to beyond but gearing up the enthusiasm to do yet another day of it is destroying me.

Absolute nonsense. I love being around children. Teaching them, nurturing them & helping them when they are sick is second nature to me. Please don't tar all parents with the same brush

I don't like parenting either - and I have a husband who does almost all the work. I do love my children though, and I've enjoyed it a lot more the older they've become. I feel like I'm actually good at dealing with the problems presented by the older ones, and don't have the stamina for the younger years.

You’re always going to get a mix of opinions, that’s the point of a forum. I’m pretty sure if you polled the world’s parents they wouldn’t tell you the servitude and shitty bottoms are their best bits. Most parents love their kids, loads absolutely hate parenting.

You can …

Thanks so much everyone. Bad morning - long day, but we’ve survived.

Oh dear how terribly difficult it must have been to have high flying, motivated kids who threw themselves into things with enthusiasm. How about you imagine for a tiny second that you had kids with a different temperament or who had learning difficulties, who took years to get out of nappies night and day, who required multiple agency interventions, appointments, assessments and gave little back in terms of company, laughs, shared interests. Do you think maybe then it might have been a tiny bit more problematic?

Vergus · Today 10:41

But my point is, you are not alone x All mums feel like shit and if they tell you they don’t they’re most likely on antidepressants

I didn’t!

But then there’s just one week shy of 9 years between ours 🤣

Honestly, 4 and 1, don’t know how people do it.

Why not add to your comment and loads of people love parenting. I do and so do my friends. We have had a night out where the subject came up 'would you have had children if you knew exactly what it entailed' & not one of the group said no. Many yearn to be parents and don't get the chance.

I don’t need to add to my comment, it’s mine. You are free to share whatever your experience is (and you have). I canvassed my friend group, most said they would probably have still done it, but that doesn’t mean you enjoy parenting. Especially of young children, who by their nature are repetitive and therefore boring to many adults.

Accepted & as the saying goes,each to their own. I find young children fascinating, innocent,hilarious, non judgemental, inquisitive, challenging & excited about life in general. Most of all they are family. Oh to see the world through the eyes of a child 🤗

You are in the trenches.

I don't know anyone who feels parenting is anything but an endless, thankless, and exhausting slog until children get to at least age 6 or 7.

I think there's a wide gap between parents finding it hard most of the time and realising it isn't for them.

In between the hard times there are moments of real joy that can make it all seem worthwhile or give you a little strength to keep slogging on.

Those who realise it isn't for them will normally cut their losses and move on, just trying to do their best with what they have to offer until things get better.

Of course there are people who keep on doing the same thing in hopes of a different result, but I don't think every miserable parent falls into that category.

@kate592

YYY to "differently hard" :-)

Agree. I can think of no worse nightmare.

You get home knackered and gasping for a cuppa and a sit down, but you have wet togs and towels to deal with, and hungry/ hangry children mithering you for food...

If you've read my posts you will see I have mentioned people with sen children or children such as you describe. I said there are people who have difficult children and they devote their lives to them without saying they hate parenting. In fact they are the parents who rarely complain.

YYY to this.

With all sympathy to those who find it relentless and utterly exhausting though.

I wonder if there's an element of rose tintedness from some posters here. Overall, I adore parenting my two year old and I'm fairly sure that in 20 or 30 years I will remember these as some of the best years of my life. But I don't love every single moment. When my toddler is still awake at 9pm because we're navigating the nap drop and I'm desperate to have a minute to sit down or when she's having a tantrum in the supermarket or any of the other many relentless moments that are parenting a small child. However I also didn't love every single moment of my life pre kids - I think it's an unnatural expectation to be honest. Social media probably has a lot to answer for here.

That you love them both means it's going to be ok. From the age of 3 (for second children, who catch on quicker) it's a lot easier and a lot more fun. Be strict and you will have a wonderful time - the parents who arent strict seem to have a shit time (obvs not counting major SEN).
Minimal screens, maximum books and vegetables 🤪

Not rose tinted glasses from me. Aside from the odd day I really bloody loved it all. My friends with DC all commented at the time and since.

I did have lots of advantages though. Loads of family help and worked PT eves and Saturday mornings until both DC at senior school.

Teenage years much harder for me but friends sailed through that stage.

Thank you so much.
My four are all aged between 33 and 39 now and have blessed me with seven beautiful grandchildren.
Their biological father walked out on us when my eldest was 10 and I raised them alone for four years until I met my fantastic husband.
When I was a single mum we were as poor as church mice ( much the same now lol) but they were truly the best times.

They are absolutely wonderful and I'm so fortunate to have been adopted by them. My world and life would have been so very difficult and different if I'd been brought up by my birth mum who was a drug addict (I was weaned off heroin and born 3 months prematurely)

I would like to reiterate that no-one is a bad parent, or a bad person, for finding parenting a struggle or for having negative feelings about how hard and unrelenting parenting can be.

Parenting can be really hard, for many reasons - post natal depression, family/economic circumstances, lack of family support, disability or SEN, to name but a few - and even, sometimes, for no apparent reasons at all.

I believe that it is vital that, when things are hard, parents must be able to reach out, to say that they are struggling, and to ask for encouragement and support, so they can get through it. If people try to shame parents who are struggling, and make them feel like failures for struggling and for asking for help, this will NOT make their struggles miraculously disappear - it will just make them feel entirely alone - and this will harm them and potentially their children too.

I am happy for those posters who have not struggled, or who have coped with their struggles without needing to ask for help - that is wonderful - but please accept that not everyone is the same, and even if you can’t empathise with people who are struggling, or offer them any help or support, please, please try not to make them feel even worse than they do already, by shaming them for their struggles.

The problem is the days of extended families living within a stones throw of each other are more or less gone. Then people wonder why there is no support at hand when you need it or just want a break. I had both sets of Grandparents plus siblings living within a few miles & could rely on them for help when required. I don't feel its shaming anybody by saying of course there are difficult days but finding parenting a daily struggle is not the case when extended families are around to help & support each other.

So, when someone reaches out to the community they do have - like Mumsnet, for example - it behoves us to provide that support and encouragement, rather than shaming them for their feelings, @Thoughtsonallsorts.

Tried to refund mine at the Midwifery unit. Midwife said no. B*tch.

This is a fatal assumption. I thought that but hated my job and left. Next job was more flexible and the next one even more so. (I got more money with each move.) So many employers offer flexibility these days. You should look for a new job.