I realised too late I don’t like parenting

[ThatCleverFawn]

I’m sure I’ll be judged to beyond but gearing up the enthusiasm to do yet another day of it is destroying me.

I found that that was only an issue for a very short period of time - ie when the younger was at an ‘awkward’ age. Because they had each other, I could put their clothes out for them and they’d both dress themselves, almost like it was a competition.

Even when they couldn’t dress themselves, it still didn’t take too long with me doing it as they tended to wait in turn. It was all pretty quick.

In comparison, my 3rd DC’s need for me isn’t a short-term thing. It’s years.

Are you doing this alone?

How does their dad feel?

This is a very full on age.
Do not blame yourself.
Make sure your contraception is bullet proof as a 3rd will likely break you.

Try and focus on one day at a time.
Take any shortcuts.

Good enough is ok.
Safe and happy is the priority for the kids, everything else, take any shortcut you can.

The not sleeping is a living hell.
Do not underestimate just how hard that makes everything.

What is their father like?
Is he pulling his weight?

Mine are 5 and 2 and I feel the same as you today. DH is working away all weekend and so it’s just me trying to muster up the energy to keep the show on the road.

We struggled to conceive and went through multiple rounds of IVF to have them. I didn’t think I’d find it this hard.

This morning I had to go into the next room to say Shut the fuck up repeatedly to myself so they couldn’t hear. The stress levels it induces are insane.

I love them beyond anything in this world and there are many moments of pure love and joy. But fuck me it is relentless and exhausting.

At our pool you have to have one adult per child if they’re under 8, unless one of them has a swimming certificate at a certain level.

I get this and felt the same but it's so much better when they are both at school and I really enjoyed DS when he was older.
Now he's in his 40s it's great. We're always talking on the phone or messaging. I love his wife too she's like a daughter.

Parenting is not intended to be enjoyable.
It is there solely for the propagation of the human species. That is all.
You are raising the future breeding stock, that is your sole purpose in life.

I sincerely hope parents with special needs children who give their all to their precious children don't take offence to this thread. Nothing worthwhile in life is gained without hard work including bringing up children. How empty life would feel without them. People who feel like OP obviously don't have enough help. My children were raised with Grandparents on both sides who loved & cared for my children as much as I did. They were always on call when DH & I needed a break. The sad thing is nowadays the support network isn't always there leading to feelings expressed on this thread. I hope those considering having a baby aren't put off by reading this thread. It's the best & most rewarding experience the world.

Mine are 3 and 1. I hear you.

I used to - I'd go in with them, the four year old could swim and I'd hold the baby. It was a kids' pool though so reasonably safe although you had to have your wits about you and couldn't take your eyes of them for a minute. They'd eat well and sleep well afterward and we'd all go home showered. Depends on the facility but absolutely not 'insane.'

I can absolutely remember feeling this way. I found the stage you're at relentless and boring and most of the time I absolutely hated it. I loved my children but parenting was so hard. I also had a job I hated with a passion. I changed jobs when my DC started school and it made such a difference too. Every stage of parenting brings it's own challenges but I found the pre-school years the hardest. You are not alone! ❤️ My DC are teenagers now and I LOVE it!

Mine are 5 and 18 months. There are definitely times where I am incredibly frustrated and fed up with them to the point I think, why did I do this? It's VERY hard work.
There are also times where I worship the ground they walk and and feel nothing but intense love.
It's a total head fuck. But I think you just need to remind yourself it really won't be this hard forever, and for now; just let yourself find it hard, have a moan, offload on someone and have a glass of wine, but mostly feel proud of yourself because you're getting through a very hard time.

Oh this stage is so hard. Honestly it does get easier.
Mine are 10 and 13 now and I actually prefer the older child stage. Little ones are cute but hard work!

Oh, poor you OP, hope thins getting better in your life both ways.

Oh Bless you, OP.

I only have one child {He was a delightful, easy baby..and is now grown up} But had several health visitors and older nurses at the baby clinic say ''He's so good and sweet natured, you won't be as lucky a second time''...{I thought ALL babies were easy like him..} 😆

They said ''Think very hard before having another, as often mothers of 'Easy' first babies get a shock having a second..as they all come out so differently!

I did heed their words. I couldn't imagine loving another child as much, and didn't need another.

When DH left {when son was 4} I was very glad I only had the one to care for.

I DO get absolutely what you mean by ''wanting to do things correctly''- With son, I made many mistakes- I would have been far more tolerant and patient with another , The first child is the one we ''learn on''.. First kids are the trailblazers for any kids that come after.

Don't worry, time flies, before you know it, both will be grown and independent.

Really no judgement at those ages and with not much sleep, but, to echo doubtless what a lot of other people have said, this is not the entirely of parenting. There will come a time when you can get sleep, have conversations with your kids, when everything isn't a battle.

(agree with @Addictforanex that taking young kids swimming is the worst - my kids were 'easy' and I found it stressful as fuck)

You don't like this stage of parenting, but it's overwhelmingly likely you'll find later parts more gratifying. Not consistently, not always, but better.

YANBU OP. I was thinking about the whole swimming thing. I used to take my DS and his cousin swimming it was a bloody nightmare as PP’s have mentioned. They are in their 30’s now😂. So a very long time ago. I remember once getting them all changed and into the pool only for them to have to get straight out because another child had done a 💩 in the pool.
Anyway I have been musing on what I would do nowadays. I would take them to the pool in those dry robe thingys with their swimsuits on underneath. Go swimming then put dry robe thingys back on. Same for myself. This is even though I think those dry robe thingys are a bit silly, they must serve some purpose. Then chuck the children back in the car and go straight home to shower and change and hot chocolate. Would only work if you have a car obviously and didn’t have to go anywhere else straight after.

@Thoughtsonallsorts - are you trying to emotionally blackmail a mum who is struggling, but has had the courage to reach out and ask for support? What are you hoping to achieve? It sounds to me as if you just want her to shut up about her feelings - but that is only going to make her feel worse, as she bottles up her feelings.

Frankly, if you can’t be supportive and helpful, then at least you could stop with the nasty emotional blackmail, and leave the thread for posterity who are prepared to be empathetic towards @ThatCleverFawn.

Oh my goodness yes, Swimming really needs one responsible adult per child- you need eyes in the back of your head, it only takes seconds for a child to get into trouble in water.

A tragedy happened a few years ago at a ''pool party'' where a young child had 'water wings' on, and each parent thought the other had the child.

There were adults crashing around in the private pool {No lifeguard} laughing and screeching, as alcohol was present, splashing teenagers agitating the water, and knocking the inflatables, and the little one got lost in the melee.

It was an absolute tragedy.

Only relating it here to make people aware - a few minutes distraction is all it takes for something like this to happen.

No wonder you are exhausted. I only had one and used to sometimes feel my blood was too tired to go round my body! Pre-school age is tough, there is no two ways about it. I only had one partly because I could not face the tiredness and sleep deprivation all over again. This is not to say that all of it was a drudge and of course there were irreplaceable moments of utter joy and incredible love but we do need to be truthful about how the early years feel like trench warfare. Totally understand the longing for a day of doing nothing, I used to crave being able to have lovely soak in the bath and I missed unbroken sleep. It will change and you will get some "me time" but I am not going to promise it gets easier, it just gets different but you will get more sleep.

Sounds like it less about disliking being a mum and more about being trapped in a job that you hate and that negativity is seeping into everything else. Your kids are at really hard ages. Really really hard. It is only going to get better from here on in. Anything you can do in the meantime to lighten the load? Go part time? Hand in your notice and get another job even if it is lower paid?

I misread "shop" as "sleep" now that would be a popular service!

Sorry, I think it's offensive to make it sound like every parent under the sun hates parenting. This is exactly what this thread is doing. There is nothing further from the truth. If there was a counterbalance here with the positive aspects of having a child it would be more helpful. It's wrong to blame your children on your misery at having to work hard to bring them up. It's like saying I hate my job then people piling in saying I also hate my job. This gives the impression to people considering having a baby everyone feels the same. They don't.

And, of course, making that point matters SO much more than not sticking the boot into a woman who is struggling, @Thoughtsonallsorts. How kind of you.

Sorry, I think it's offensive to make it sound like every parent under the sun hates parenting.

You're offended? Seriously? Why does that OFFEND you?