I realised too late I don’t like parenting

[ThatCleverFawn]

I’m sure I’ll be judged to beyond but gearing up the enthusiasm to do yet another day of it is destroying me.

Solidarity from me OP, I have a 4 month old and 22 month old and some days I dread waking up in the morning.

The weather doesn't help as being stuck at home makes it so so hard, spring is around the corner, things will get easier (not sure whether I'm typing that for you or me at this point!).

Roll on spending days in the park!

@Thoughtsonallsorts i have read your posts on this thread and I am bored almost to tears by them. The endless badgering over this thread is just beyond tedious. We all have bad days. I’m having a lot of very bad nights and then knowing you need to rouse up the energy to keep two small children entertained and fed and keep the house in a semblance of order - oh, and work as well - is a lot and I won’t apologise for finding it a lot. I would suggest you seriously look into adoption if that if what you wish to do and leave the rest of us inferior parents to it.

Yes completely agree. It's as helpful as posting "well my mother is dead, so count yourself lucky" on a thread started by someone who's had a row with their mum. Just helps absolutely no one.

You are in the trenches at those ages.... It's mainly drudgery but with some jot sprinkled in!! But it will change and will become so much easier and I found getting some sleep finally when my youngest 3 made a world of difference.

Keep going gets so much better. Mine are 6 and 9 now and they are brilliant company.

Anyway, this is what I think about parenting preschoolers.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way

I would add to dickens’ words that the above mostly all happens before breakfast some days.

And yes, the younger one going to bed and actually bloody sleeping through would be amazing!

I felt like that, but my DD turned 5 & it's been great since, she's my little mate! She's 8 now and we muddle along great.
It'll get easier.

I think it's probably hating your job that's making it worse, maybe try and change that x

It's a true fact. If I had a down day I'm sorry but when my mum said this to me I went home & counted my blessings & held my children even tighter

If she had said the things the majority of posters here are saying it would have depressed me. I wouldn't care if it made me feel like we're are all in this together. How would that make a jot of difference to how I felt apart from making my feelings even more relevant that parenting is awful for everyone. It's not. I'd far sooner be told the positives along with the fact it can be hard. At least I'd have something to hang on to.

I'll add again,children are a gift & worth every minute of the times you struggle when tired etc. Every job under the sun can be exhausting,relentless & draining. You could be born with a silver spoon in your mouth,no need to work, be child free & live life on a sunbed. A few years of this & lying there with nothing really worthwhile in your life might change your mind. Children make life worthwhile.

I think it's the tiredness that's the killer as it just makes everything seem worse. My eldest was such hard work, never wanted to sleep, hated naps, I had that feeling of dread every day at one point. Luckily youngest was a lot easier, very happy, hardly cried and liked her sleep! Mine are 10 and 4 now and while I still get pretty tired looking after them they now entertain themselves much of the time so it's not a problem. Things will get better. Parenting is SO hard though and anyone that says different is lying or has forgotten those early days.

Well I hope you've never moaned or complained about anything or even worse genuinely struggled. After all, there's always someone worse off than you who would happily swap their problems for yours, no matter how insurmountable they seem to you.

Good. Feel free to stay there, holding your children tightly. And quietly.

I was in Boots once with my eldest as a baby and one of the assistants was like "ah isn't she cute?" So I responded, "yes, she is when she's asleep!" The daggers I got! Was true though. All too much we are expected to pretend everything is great when actually it would be more helpful if people were encouraged to be honest and say actually it can be shit sometimes and a struggle to make it through the day.

Where your son has the upper hand is you will understand him and be able to think back to what you needed while growing up and try give that to him. It's almost like healing your own inner child through raising your own how you needed. It's definitely reading up on being neurodiverse and joining groups or there is people on tiktok that can help you understand it better and how to handle things.

It will happen. It may feel like it won't, but it will.

Parenting small kids can be utterly gruelling, draining, and exhausting. Hang on in there.

Thanks. Logically, in the long term I know it will, in the short term it feels just so draining.

Solidarity - I have a 3 year old and an 8 month old that wakes every 2 hours i wouldn't change it, but the stress and sleep deprivation is bloody awful.

I very much doubt it. Often it's the people who face the most problems in life who are the least likely to complain.

I have three kids, all teenagers now, with 3-year age gaps between them. I found that parenting got much easier when my second child turned 2 and could interact and play with her sister. The third was a breeze, he learnt so much from his sisters, including potty-training himself.

So hold on there for another year or so, it will be tough. But when the kids become each other's little buddies, entertaining each other, it's like "Wow, so that's the whole point of having more than one!"

Best wishes to you and the kids, it will get easier and is worth it in the end. Lots of people don't look back fondly at the exhaustion and crushing sense of responsibility in the early years, you're not alone.

Nothing to add except solidarity. It’s hard. My only bit of advice is earplugs. When I’m going crackers from lack of sleep, DH does any night wakes and I put earplugs in. Just one decent sleep makes it feel much more manageable.
edit to add: the earplugs take the edge off during the day as well if they’re being particularly whingey

If you live in the developed world, in a country that's at peace, then there are people who would happily swap their problems for yours.

Perhaps you need to spend less time lecturing struggling mothers of small children and more time appreciating your own good fortune.

Oh no bloody wonder you are not enjoying it! You’re exhausted from the lack of sleep and then you have to look after two little people (of - if anything like mine- varying moods). I have been there - mine were both terrible sleepers and for around 4 years I was like a zombie. My advice would be to get as many breaks as you can; have your 4 year old watch tv whilst the baby sleeps and have a little nap next to her; give yourself anything that gives you a little boost during the day: my coffee in my flask went everywhere with me!
for us it really changed when the youngest got to 3 and now they are a whole lot of fun to be around! And I realise how absolutely exhausted I used to be!

Thank you, yes there are times where I've been more patient with him than my parents were with me. I was just seen as a shy child but think there was a lot more stigma surrounding being different in the early 2000s.

It's so hard helping them regulate their emotions when being neurodiverse makes it so hard to regulate your own. I'm so easily triggered by my daughters anger or just loud noises so staying calm and patient is more challenging. I try teach her no emotion is bad and never push it down and let it build up which helps. I got her a dammit doll which is fun lol it's a soft teddy basically and she can throw it around to release some anger.

Got a 1 year old and a just turned 5 year old. I thank god we left nearly 4 years and the oldest is at school because it’s absolute chaos! Working full time, lots to take care of at home and then all spare time is with them. I adore them, they’re great sleepers but when they’re awake it’s a horror show sometimes. I feel pushed to the brink. Throw in a possible ADHD diagnosis for eldest and partner and I feel completely drained.
We’re looking at holidays at the moment (school holidays obv) and all I can think about is how we should have had many more just the two of us in far flung places. I can be longing for time away from them and miss them at the same time. It will happen one day, those holidays just us two and I’m not wishing the days away, just take each day at a time, we’re in the trenches as they say

If you’re younger one is struggling to sleep and you are tired , take some naps together. Forget the chores. Exercise self care. Get a break at weekends completely from children even if just a few hours to go for a swim/gym/class.