DD no longer allowed to walk from school.

[TheWonderhorse]

DD is 9 and has been walking from school to a car park just off the grounds (not the official school car park but closer). She's been really wanting to walk home but we compromised at this for now and would work up to that gradually. I signed a consent form to permit them to release her.

So this morning the school sent a letter out saying that they've had a rethink to all parents, and from Monday only Year 6 children are to be allowed to leave the classroom without a parent.

DD is Year 4 but the oldest in her class, meaning we won't be allowed to start this again for 17 months. AIBU to ask the head to reconsider? I know they can't really refuse to let her out, but I don't want to be a dick. I just feel like DD is being held back for no good reason at all. We have this covered and didn't need the school to intervene.

IABU, school know best.
IANBU it's up to the parent to judge what's safe for the child.

I put YABU but I only put it because while you clearly know whats best for your daughter, the school will have some very specific reasons why they’ve decided to start from Year 6. Saying that, it’s poor of them to have you sign consent forms etc with the expectation that DD will be able to walk home only for them to change it last minute x

Not RTFT but when ds was at school only kids at infant level had to be met at the classroom and weren't allowed to go until the teacher made eye contact with a parent or the child said there's my mum/dad/whoever. 7 and up could be met in the playground (so the school didn't know if a parent/responsible person was actually there) and the kids were specifically allowed to walk home alone from the summer term of Y5. They did allow secondary age kids to collect too.

If the school did have intelligence about a particular threat, why would that affect 9 year olds but not 11 year olds?

As I said, it was normal where we lived (not UK).
I also went to kindergarten by myself, which involved taking a public bus across town.

Read round the subject. Girls have been dragged screaming into cars outside schools. Children of 11 or younger have been raped by multiple participants. Read round.

Drop - her 50ft from home and let her walk to your house.

It is also very normal for young children to go to school by themselves or with siblings/friends in other countries. I have no idea why we are so paranoid in the UK unless it all stems from the Soham murders and before that, the Moors murders.

But bad things happen everywhere.

I think it’d be reasonable to ask the head why the policy’s changed.
Presumably there’s a reason for the change, so once you know why it’s changed, you’ll be in a better position to decide whether to push for them to let your DD leave on her own.

My DC’s primary school allows children to leave independently once they reach Year 5 (provided that parents give written consent).

Good point. But they are being very, very stupid.

Millie Dowler was 13 when she was abducted and murdered on the way home from school.

Age doesn't really matter, it's more about whether your child needs to cross any busy roads and if they can walk home safely from the perspective of road safety.

Well, as I said, the school has a duty of care, and they can't afford to ignore the possibility of 'road accidents' or gang rape.

Men will abduct, assault and murder girls and women of any age.

I've mentioned Millie Dowler - a much more recent case is of course Sarah Everard.

Stopping girls from walking home from school until they are 10 isn't going to magically keep them safe from paedophiles.

is it easier for you @TheWonderhorse to meet her at this location as the school car park is over crowded?

It wasn't neglectful. I'd walk down to my mum's surgery to check in with her after dropping stuff off at home and then usually go off to play at the park or at a friend's house. It was completely normal in our tiny village.
The bus thing was in the last year before starting school. Again, very safe neighbourhood.

It's was similar to this:
"From Year 1, Japanese children go to and from school without parental supervision, usually joining a group of their peers on foot or public transport2.
Many of them, particularly those with working parents, also come home to an unsupervised household. The word for this is kagikko, meaning key child — not far from the English term latchkey kid. But Japanese students would commonly leave again, either to after-school care or elsewhere in the neighbourhood. “I remember in Year 5 or 6, we’d go around the catchment, about a two-kilometre radius, and I wouldn’t come home until it’s very dark,” recalls Yuko, who grew up in the Kobe countryside. “When I was in high school, I could go to the city by train and hang out with friends at a cafe or wherever.”
https://www.cela.org.au/publications/amplify!-blog/july-2022/what-old-enough!-teaches-child-development

I think the school have made the rules as what they deem safe, it may be that your daughter doesn't like the ruling, she should Still adhere to it.
It's year 5 by us. Some would be happy to let theirs walk in year 3 some not until year 6 - but its the schools call.

Why not just get her from class, then leave her to it after she leaves the gates, rather than going complaining over this.
Surely, it makes no difference to your daughters "independence" if you are seen by school staff collecting her, then off she pops with her mates - it's not like you will be holding her hand- just let the teachers see she is being overseen by her adult.

I had similar issues with DS. His school threatened me with children's services and accused me of neglect. They were ok once he was in year 6. Bloody ridiculous.

Schools want parents to parent

then schools want to take away the responsibility from parents to parent

thete needs to be a sensible approach to not interfering with parenting, otherwise parents will lose their freedom ability to actually parent and leave that to the school

then when parents leave parenting to the school, the school will complain - it’s not our responsibility to parent

🤷‍♀️

@IVFmumoftwo
I was reading about grooming gangs in Glasgow. You might not be so keen to let them walk alone if you lived there.
seriously? should we lock them up until they're 25?

I don't disagree with your choice or your approach, but since it's for her, not you, and it's awkward for school policy, I would probably 'pick her up' and then let her go on to the car park ahead of you, or let her go to park for 5 mins and then come and meet you. Same objective a achieved, everyone happy.

I don't think that's enough - post menopausal maybe?

Having worked as a school governor, I disagree. Sometimes a change of policy can just be driven by someone (a governor or headteacher) who has a strong view on something. It's always easier for the governing body to agree with someone that proposes something "safer". You really have to justify arguing against a "safety" move.
One governor I worked with was a parent of a younger child and she didn't want them eating rubbish snacks straight after school. She objected to the fact that other parents would turn up with chocolate/crisps for their child leaving school and her child would want the same. Result she wanted - blanket ban on children being given food by parents when they were being collected - safety reasons they might choke eating standing up. Thing is what was the difference in the safety to the child waiting until they were off school grounds. Yes but it's our responsibility on school grounds was the plaintive appeal.
This could well have been similar. You could see from the array of answers on here that some parents take a very cautious approach with their child's safety and wouldn't allow them to walk 50ft until they are 18 or so. They don't want their child to take issue with this so they insist on more restrictive rules for all DC.

"Just wait til year 6" - is this the equivalent of primary 7? What absolute madness. My daughter will potentially be going to a high school in a completely different catchment area by public transport but I shouldn't let her leave the primary school grounds until the year before that?

Meanwhile, in the actual real world, we've been working on independence and gaining trust by increments, and walking part of the way to and from school is both the current logical step AND something she is completely capable of. In turn I, as her mother who knows the child, the school and the area, have judged that this is a reasonable thing to do. I believe the OP is in a similar situation. It is the school that needs to justify overruling this and creating s new policy, a parent does not need to justify allowing their child to use the legs and brain they were born with.