DD no longer allowed to walk from school.

[TheWonderhorse]

DD is 9 and has been walking from school to a car park just off the grounds (not the official school car park but closer). She's been really wanting to walk home but we compromised at this for now and would work up to that gradually. I signed a consent form to permit them to release her.

So this morning the school sent a letter out saying that they've had a rethink to all parents, and from Monday only Year 6 children are to be allowed to leave the classroom without a parent.

DD is Year 4 but the oldest in her class, meaning we won't be allowed to start this again for 17 months. AIBU to ask the head to reconsider? I know they can't really refuse to let her out, but I don't want to be a dick. I just feel like DD is being held back for no good reason at all. We have this covered and didn't need the school to intervene.

IABU, school know best.
IANBU it's up to the parent to judge what's safe for the child.

Totally, I was walking to and from school on my own from the day I started school and the fact that times are different is why my daughter didn't and doesn't do the same, and why it's a more gradual process like the OP.

The way people talk on here you'd think parents are completely incapable of weighing up their own specific circumstances. What's going to change between a kid being 9 and a kid being 11 that makes them more or less safe if the parent considers them capable? They all need to learn the same things.

I have to agree with the school - twice I have "saved" children crossing a road close to the school, both about 9 years old (in same year as my child). They lacked focus when chatting to friends -I had to grab their hoods to pull them back preventing a serious accident.

I also wouldn't take responsibility for another child at that age leaving unless they walked with me to their parents.

Year 6 is fine to start giving independence - I don't understand the rush.

@IVFmumoftwo you do realise that the "grooming gangs" are a complete moral panic? These "gangs " are not picking up ordinary 9 year olds walking home from school, they prey on young teenagers who are vulnerable because they are in care, or unaccompanied asylum seekers, or from chaotic families. They are more likely to be known to the child or even related. Grooming is still something that happens to children IN THEIR OWN FAMILIES. This does my head in.

My school had a couple of incidents within the school grounds after a child had been dismissed from the classroom. One was an injury and one was a parent waiting just inside the gates who was not supposed to approach their child. Each time the school was blamed as it happened on school grounds. Rules changed afterwards for a while where children had to be handed over to a named adult by the classroom.
As others have said, independence can be achieved other ways, Just let her walk to school in the morning?

Not only have I not seen them, I haven't heard of them despite living here. You apparently have but don't seem to want to share that information.

Honey, you aren't capable of engaging in this conversation.

Ask them if they've done any research into how damaging the overprotection of children in the real world v online world is. Send them a copy of The Anxious Generation.

She hasn't. She saw another poster mentioning them and lacks enough critical thinking to have questioned it.

If ask them to explain to see if there is an additional threat that's caused this change but otherwise, I'd be making it clear it's not up to them. This overprotection of children is not good for them and their development of essential life skills. These children are old enough to play out so they are old enough to walk and from school (depending on the individual child and the journey which parents are able to make an assessment of) and certainly your car in the car park!! We really need to push back hard on this.

Thanks.

@IVFmumoftwo your link literally describes vulnerable women being plied with drink at parties by a gang in Dundee. How does this relate to 9 year olds walking 50ft to meet their mum?

Bollocks. This is not one of those situations. This is a situation which in the long term prevents kids from becoming anxious recluses too scared to leave their bedrooms.

Yeah I took it as her implying she also knew about it, though it wasn't Glasgow.

No wonder kids aren't prepared for the real world, what OP has been doing sounds perfectly age appropriate.

OP you could try doing it in the morning instead, lots of parents at our my DDs school let kids go in on their own in the morning as the teachers can't control that, but then appear at the door for pick up because the school refuses to release the children 🤦 then your child still gets a bit of independence

I'm totally with you on this, OP. Mine are older now but all started walking home in Y4, very gradually, starting with meeting them on the corner by the school and moving one junction further away when they and I were happy, until they were walking all the way home.

Starting in Y6 is way too late in some situations as the change to secondary can be too big a jump to manage in just 1 year - particularly if the transition is from walking a short distance locally to travelling by bus/train to another town or city - particularly when this involves changes of public transport. I persuaded my children's HT not to implement a Y6 only policy by showing her the journeys that some of the children would be doing alone from Y7. I believed they needed more time to allow them to work up to those much more difficult journeys, and that restricting leaving alone to Y6 only would be putting them at greater risk in Y7. Luckily she was persuaded. I hope you are similarly successful with your DDs school, OP.

Good lord, times have changed. I was walking to school 1/2 mile away at age 7. When we moved, I then took a city bus to and from school from age 10 to 17.

You cannot protect children from every risk. At some point they need to learn some independence.

Of all the answers this is the most logical.

You want her to develop independence, walking too school is no different to walking back, but there no need to make life harder for the school by arguing with them about 'rights', as I'm sure they are quite busy with other things, like teaching! Win-win.

The school is obviously in charge of this decision. They are responsible for your child's safety until a handover, which they agree is safe, is made. If they decide that you need to go to the door, then they won't let her go until you do. They can't let her go unless they feel it's safe to do so. Just as you wouldn't let her go anywhere unless you felt it was safe.* *

Furthermore, for reasons of consistency, they have to have a policy which they apply to all the kids. Otherwise you'll have parents saying "You let Belinda walk on her own, why can't my Jolene?"

So they have to pick an age. Nobody would think they should allow Year 1s to leave on their own. And by year 6, it seems to be accepted that it is OK. So they have to draw a line somewhere in between and they make the best assessment they can that will encourage the appropriate development of independence while keeping kids safe. Whatever they do, some parents will be pissed off, because all parents are different - and all the kids are different too

@Bushmillsbabe that's a sensible idea but I can't believe the school took that attitude to all children because of a couple of idiots.

There was a post a while back about a simliar situation. The op stood firm and the school had to relent in the end. They don't have any right to dictate this or keep hold of your child if you've said they can leave on their own. She's year 4 not 4yo.

@TheWonderhorse have you spoken to your DD and explained what the school have said. It is her on whom this is going to impact the most and I think it is her who needs to decide what happens next.
Because yes there is no legal limit and yes NSPCC says over 8 and yes you can push school policy but it is her who will have to deal with potentially being different and seen as having something others don’t (freedom to walk home)

But we don't actually know why the school took the decision. I would have asked the question before deciding if it was a battle worth picking

There may have been one particular child leaving on thier own which sparked a panic in the staff room and then the rules had to be changed for everyone. Your plan for your daughter was not unreasonable but I suspect the re-think wasn't based on your parenting but on other families, and now everyone has to go along with it for the school to avoid conflict.

No wonder young people have such issues being independent now when schools are doing so much to stymie it. My DC are now mid 20s and we’re walking home with classmates at age 9/10.

Absolutely ludicrous that the school is not even allowing 10 year olds to leave the classroom unaccompanied, never mind walk home!