DD no longer allowed to walk from school.

[TheWonderhorse]

DD is 9 and has been walking from school to a car park just off the grounds (not the official school car park but closer). She's been really wanting to walk home but we compromised at this for now and would work up to that gradually. I signed a consent form to permit them to release her.

So this morning the school sent a letter out saying that they've had a rethink to all parents, and from Monday only Year 6 children are to be allowed to leave the classroom without a parent.

DD is Year 4 but the oldest in her class, meaning we won't be allowed to start this again for 17 months. AIBU to ask the head to reconsider? I know they can't really refuse to let her out, but I don't want to be a dick. I just feel like DD is being held back for no good reason at all. We have this covered and didn't need the school to intervene.

IABU, school know best.
IANBU it's up to the parent to judge what's safe for the child.

Seriously, who could be bothered with such a lot of fuss about something so unimportant? Surely as a supportive PTA member you realise schools have a lot on their plate & haven't got time to deal with things like this? Give them a break

Just pick her up from school like everyone else & find other opportunities to encourage her independence.
It really won't be long until she's old enough to walk everywhere on her own, time flies.

@StopStartStop
No, I don't have a terrifying lack of awareness. Some of the things done to children that I have dealt with professionally would shock you to the core. All of them have involved family members.

I've said many times, we were working up to her goal of walking home.

It's not unimportant, I think it's bad for children to be stifled in this way, and I feel as though my wishes which are based on a lot of thought and consideration have had a line struck through them.

I'm her mother, and I find it incredibly disrespectful and patronising to have my child being told the responsibility we have given her and been praising her for was never safe at all and the head has had to step in to rectify our reckless behaviour.

Could the older siblings not get themselves to school via public transport? Not many secondary children get driven to school even where we are, which is quite rural. Presumably they are old enough?

No it really isn't, the car park is free.

I totally agree that if this were the goal then it wouldn't be worth disputing, but we had plans to meet her further away when she's ready as a reward for being trustworthy with this part of the process. We are working towards her walking home.

Is that the words the head used, 'to rectify your reckless behaviour'?

As a pta member, you presumably have direct contact with the head and a good relationship, and can just have an informal discussion with them?

Have ofsted been in recently or due soon? That might explain the change, but until you have a conversation you won't know. Have parents been discussing it on the class whatts app, are there others who do similar to you. The school may feel better if they are walking in pairs

It's probably not based on your parenting at all so I wouldn't take it personally. Your plan for your daughter wasn't unreasonable.

But there might be one or two other children who teachers were worrying about because those parents weren't being responsible, and so a blanket policy was the awnser so they don't have to single those parents out. I don't think it's fair to a school to say that they should allow things on an individual basis, imagine the uproar that could cause.

They could, they don't want to and I'm okay with that. Buses are crap so it would be a 50 minute walk. I wouldn't fancy it in winter either 😂

I can do other things to facilitate DD, but this one was a safe start, that she'd led on because the school invited her to. I'm frustrated that it's been taken away and that our kids have to work so hard to find spaces to grow when for us it was just normal. I was walking home while still in infants.

But you could use this as another type of life lesson for your daughter - sometimes things happen that we may not like personally but they are designed to protect others and we just have to suck it up and get on with it.

Instead you are teaching her to only think of herself and to make a fuss when something happens that she doesn't like.

And I think you are creating unnecessary hassle for the school who are taking safeguarding of ALL their pupils seriously which can only be a good thing.

The catchment for the school is huge, and in year six some of the children who live 5 miles away are allowed to walk home alone. That's unsafe. It's only not an issue because parents aren't thickos and have it covered.

If there are irresponsible parents then that ought to be dealt with. Contact SS if they think there's a risk.

@TheWonderhorse I think you should contact social services yourself for advice and a chat, as a PTA member. They might be able to give some perspective here, because the school can't keep your child from leaving the premises under a safeguarding policy which they can't justify. Everyone who agrees with the school on this and yet says that you should give her other opportunities for independence is doing some mental gymnastics. How is it safer to let her walk to the shops or a friend's house after school than to walk 50ft to a car??? How will it be safer next year, developmentally? ( clue - 9-10 is not a major developmental stage)
You need to ask to see their risk assessments.

You contradict yourself here - one minute you are saying we should be letting young kids have freedom to walk home alone as you were and on the other hand letting year sixes with a longer journey walk home isn't safe?

I haven't said it isn't safe. I said they don't want to walk to school. They do walk home.

Schools are over worked and under funded, we all know that, it's in the media constantly.

This school, rather than making caveats for this, that and the other have made a simple decision to say that ALL children need to be collected until Y5.
That's not an uncommon rule, many schools have the same rule. Why add to their workload by making a fuss about something so simple and so obviously designed to safeguard the children in their care?
Let them get on with teaching!

I definitely get that, they need spaces to develop their independence. I remember playing out in the street and neighbouring streets for hours from about 7 onwards. I wouldn't dream of letting my 9 year old do that now, although I do let her walk to her friend round the corner and her mum texts me when arrives.

But as a school governor, I know that these things are often much more complex than they appear. Schools have to tick so many boxes to fulfill ofsted demands, and it's not always possible to explain to parents why certain decisions have been taken. Before I was a governor I used to get annoyed with their rules and demands, but now it makes much more sense, and I see just how hard their job is.
Ultimately you believe the school has your child's best interests at heart and it's the right school for your child overall, even if you disagree with this policy?

I actually meant your comment about the school letting year six pupils walk a longer journey home which you say isn't safe.

I was thinking this too. She said some year 6 live up to 5 miles away. That's a 90 min walk on average, and probably longer as they will be chatting, stop at shop etc.

Honestly at this point you'd be better teaching your DD a different lesson on this one. That there's rules, and that they are there for a reason and to respect them. Rather than showing her that being the single only person wanting to go against them so here we go let's challenge them and see how we do. Not the greatest lesson for her at this point, she's better following rules and boundaries for now.

100% agree with this

Ah okay. What I was saying is that it's not a straightforward age=safety thing. I would argue that a parent asking a 10/11 year old to walk two hours up dangerous roads is much more dangerous than a 9 year old walking 50ft to a car. Yet the school allow the first and not the second.

They just have to make a rule for all & have chosen the simple and very common rule to let Y5 and Y6 walk home alone.
It's not that unusual and probably puts them in line with most Primary Schools.

They don't let year 5. DD has to wait 18 months before she's allowed to do what we're already doing successfully.

I think you’re making a really big deal out of this. For whatever reason the school have had to reassess their approach to this - that’s how safeguarding works. Things that were once considered safe just aren’t anymore. And often it feels like overkill because imagine if the worst did happen? Can’t you just give her more independence on the weekends? Teachers have so much on their plate that this short distance seems a ridiculous thing to go on about

The thing is if they let your daughter walk out alone, even if it is only 50 yds or whatever, other children may then say they want to walk out alone. But their journey may not be as simple & safe as your child's.
Then the school leadership have to spend time deciding which one is safe/not safe etc

Instead of this they have decided to not let any Y4 children out alone.

Obviously you could argue it's not safe for Y5 or Y6 or even Secondary kids to walk home alone but they have to draw the line somewhere and make a blanket rule. It's how institutions like schools function.

Explain it to your daughter and just suck it up rather than making a headache for the school.