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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you stop your child going on this trip?

114 replies

Rivett · 10/01/2025 13:56

DS16 is going to a city about 120 miles away from where we live. It’s for his friends birthday and they going with his Mum who will be driving. They are driving halfway today and staying with family tonight then will continue on to the big city tomorrow and will return on Sunday.

The drive is mainly on the motorway and A-roads but I’m not keen on DS going due to the weather conditions. They’re setting off about tea time today.

I’ve told DS I’m not happy about it but of course he wants to go and doesn’t see the problem. I could say he’s not going but I feel bad for my DS as he’ll be mortified and embarrassed. The Mam doesn’t work (they’re well off) and I know the family member who they’re staying with doesn’t work weekends and there is nothing booked, though they have got an activity in mind.

It’s an unnecessary and pointless journey in such shit weather that I think it’s irresponsible of the mother to not change it to next week or the week after. The son gets his own way all the time so there is no way he’ll agree to swapping it for safety
and that’s why the mam won’t suggest it.

I feel like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. You hear so many horror stories about crashes that I won’t be able to settle all weekend.

The more I think about it the more I want to say sorry but not this week.

WWYD?

OP posts:
TickingAlongNicely · 10/01/2025 13:59

Impossible to answer without knowing the roads and forecast for the journey

Largestlegocollectionever · 10/01/2025 13:59

Goodness that’s so awful of you! You’re going to let your anxiety hold back your son and ruin his friendships and his experiences.
Don’t do that to him. Get professional help for your anxiety asap!

APurpleSquirrel · 10/01/2025 14:02

Assuming the UK - there are no weather warnings over the weekend & except for some rain in a few places, not much else?
What extreme weather is forecast?

OkayLetMeKnowHowItGoes · 10/01/2025 14:03

If it was a 17 year old driving, and the weather was awful then maybe, but someone experienced and it being far from extreme weather… YABU.

TankFlyBossWalkJamNittyGrittyIAmFromAMidSizeCity · 10/01/2025 14:04

He's 16, he can make his own choices.

Afaik there's no really bad weather due this weekend anyway?

JohnofWessex · 10/01/2025 14:11

Main Roads, I would not be worried

IamnotSethRogan · 10/01/2025 14:12

You are being completely over the top.

PrincessAnne4Eva · 10/01/2025 14:13

I think YANBU, I nearly skidded off the main road first thing this morning as they hadn't got to it yet with the gritter! It's -16 in some parts of the UK, it was -7 here this morning, and there's only so many grit lorries. I would avoid going out if I could, too.

Gymmum82 · 10/01/2025 14:15

I’m driving from the north to the midlands tonight. Never occurred to me not to go. There is snow on the ground where I am but there is nothing in the midlands and even 5 miles down the road there is nothing. I think you’re being a bit ridiculous. The forecast is due to get warmer over the weekend and no adverse weather

midgetastic · 10/01/2025 14:17

I don't think it's forecast as cold from now on? If it gets too cold for salt to work (-8?) then you would be wise to avoid travelling at that point

There is no advice not to travel ?

Letting them go is hard and they will make mistakes and get hurt along the way but we need to accept those risks and not blow them up out of all proportion

Coconutter24 · 10/01/2025 14:19

I’d let him go, motorway and A roads will have been driven on all day and should be clear. Come Sunday it’s above freezing so the roads will be ok

HPandthelastwish · 10/01/2025 14:20

There is no harm contacting the mother and suggesting a postponement if where you live is really iffy. She may well be dreading the drive but not wanting to let the boys down and ruining your plans for the weekend and be pleased with the suggestion.

" Hi Sally, I've just seen the weather, are you still happy to drive the boys tonight? Simon is free next weekend instead of youd prefer to go then. Happy to have Gary round for a gaming fest tonight instead so they aren't disappointed. Let me know"

Catza · 10/01/2025 14:25

You are only really "damned if you don't" let him go. You will have one upset teenager on your hands and three other people who will have had to change their plans. Your only "damned if you do" is that you will not be able to settle all weekend which, respectfully, is something for you and only you to manage. The journey also isn't "pointless". It's a birthday celebration for your son's friend. I also don't see how mother's employment situation of socioeconomic status is relevant at all.

YellowRoom · 10/01/2025 14:26

But it's not a pointless trip because they all want to go on it, are stopping with family and going in to the city.

Crunchymum · 10/01/2025 14:27

I'm totally perplexed as to what the mum and family member working has to do with anything?

SoapySponge · 10/01/2025 14:29

Depends where you are OP. I did a lengthy trip on the M4 on Thursday with no trouble at all.

Bjorkdidit · 10/01/2025 14:30

You're going to have to give some more information about the shit weather OP because I don't see a problem in taking that journey, especially main roads. It's not like they're proposing to drive over mountain passes.

LlynTegid · 10/01/2025 14:31

If you have reason to believe said mother is a bad driver, then it should not be about this weekend but always.

SquigglePigs · 10/01/2025 14:32

If the Mum is driving and it's main roads I don't really see what you're worried about, unless you have wider concerns about her driving. I'd have concerns about teenagers driving or lots of rural roads, but not that.

I've driven 65 miles this morning (it was -4 when we left) and will be doing the same back home this evening with my 6 year old (unexpected school closure). Once we were out of the small street we live on the roads were fine.

summerlovingvibes · 10/01/2025 14:32

When I was 16, my mum let me go on a trip to Ecuador for 5 weeks. In a group of people similar age to me. It was a charitable organisation but there was very little supervision and guidance. We climbed mountains, hitch hiked, did a bit of charity work, camped out in random houses and restaurants - wherever would house us for the night. Got mugged at one point. It was ridiculously dangerous.

Now THAT was a trip I wouldn't let a 16 year old go on.

Ladybyrd · 10/01/2025 14:32

Unless there's a weather warning I would let him go. If they postpone it, will you really feel better when it sounds as though you don't want him to go at all? At 16 I was hopping on trains and going to large cities with friends on our own. I think if you try to tighten your grip, he'll just push harder against it.

Hoplolly · 10/01/2025 14:34

Do you struggle with anxiety? Bad things can happen anytime. I wouldn't stop my son going on a trip with a responsible adult.

BotterMon · 10/01/2025 14:34

The fact you've mentioned they're wealthy at least twice would assume they have a good, reliable car. Why would they knowingly put themselves in danger?

YABU.

thesaskedminger · 10/01/2025 14:36

I don't know if YABU because I don't know what 'shit weather' means to you.

MissUltraViolet · 10/01/2025 14:36

The journey will be A roads and motorways not country lanes, they have likely been very busy all day, therefore clear. No further bad weather is coming so let the lad go have fun.

Plus if the mum doesn’t work (thanks for including that important info!) and is well off then presumably she has a decent and safe car to transport them in.