Would you stop your child going on this trip?

[Rivett]

DS16 is going to a city about 120 miles away from where we live. It’s for his friends birthday and they going with his Mum who will be driving. They are driving halfway today and staying with family tonight then will continue on to the big city tomorrow and will return on Sunday.

The drive is mainly on the motorway and A-roads but I’m not keen on DS going due to the weather conditions. They’re setting off about tea time today.

I’ve told DS I’m not happy about it but of course he wants to go and doesn’t see the problem. I could say he’s not going but I feel bad for my DS as he’ll be mortified and embarrassed. The Mam doesn’t work (they’re well off) and I know the family member who they’re staying with doesn’t work weekends and there is nothing booked, though they have got an activity in mind.

It’s an unnecessary and pointless journey in such shit weather that I think it’s irresponsible of the mother to not change it to next week or the week after. The son gets his own way all the time so there is no way he’ll agree to swapping it for safety
and that’s why the mam won’t suggest it.

I feel like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. You hear so many horror stories about crashes that I won’t be able to settle all weekend.

The more I think about it the more I want to say sorry but not this week.

WWYD?

That's a totally bizarre and extreme reply

If there are weather warnings in place and it is suggested by the met office/your equivalent to avoid non essential travel then YANBU. To all the posters saying motorways are fine I'm assuming you mean in good weather? Lots of snow related incidents happened locally on the motorway this year so far.

Do you plan to allow your ds to learn to drive once he’s 17 ? If so, he could be the one driving this tune next year and that’s a scarier thought if the roads are rough where you are.

Does he plan to go to uni in 2 years ? He will be taking much bigger risks than being in a car in an icy day.

And you know that there are no small, winding, ungritted roads to negotiate before getting to the motorway and A roads, do you?
There was a fatal crash near here on a dual carriageway last night so you got that wrong too.

Yes, when there was snow on the motorway. Which is not the case now because they've all been cleared. No more snow is forecast in the short term and from Sunday it's going to warm up significantly.

Depends where you are. Could you maybe screenshot the weather forecast and show us that?
120 miles is nothing. Most people wouldn't bother to stop half way for that.

Where do you live that it's still dangerous? There's snow on the ground here still and it's colder than a witch's tit but the roads are all clear and perfectly safe to drive on. I literally drive for a living, I can't think of anywhere in the UK right now where the main roads and motorways are any more dangerous than usual.

With respect he's 16, time to unlatch him I think, he needs to spread his wings a bit and a long weekend 120 miles away is hardly a jaunt in North Korea. He'll be fine.

There are fatal crashes on dual carriage ways throughout the year. Do you never let your children travel by car?

They are nearly always caused by bad driving.

It seems pretty clear that the risks are higher in icy/other forms of poor weather.

However, we don't know where the OP lives, or whether the other mum is a confident and safe driver. If the roads are not icy and the mother is a confident and safe driver, then the risks are no greater than they would be any other time.

Main roads and motorways will be absolutely fine.

And of course they shouldn't push a child's 16th birthday to another date, just because it's... a bit cold? Of course YABU.

I think that’s an awful big leap based on one post from someone who you have zero background knowledge on to advise them to seek professional help for anxiety. Your whole reply is incredibly melodramatic!

I wondered that too and I think the OP is suggesting the jobless buggers can go this weekend, next weekend or the other; as they have so much free time.

I reckon it’s hard to comment honestly without knowing where you live and what the weather is like. If he’s being driven by a mum who’s well off - presumably they have a pretty good safe car. He will be with older people all weekend.
i am in south east and would have no qualms but I’m sure would feel differently in other parts of the country.
I also think that it’s always a bit nerve racking letting them go at this age - whether it’s traveling festivals late house parties - it’s a stressful age x

Your child and your decision?? This young man is 16!

Honestly Mumsnet seems of people who get in a tizz over normal seasonal weather. Happens in summer too. Bonkers.

Do you think maybe you’re worried because you don’t know if the driver is a great driver and up to the trip or not? I think it’s fair enough to be worried if that’s the case. Not necessarily to the point of not letting your son go but I understand. If it’s someone who drives back and forward to the shops and they’re suddenly going to do a really long drive then I’d probably worry too. I had a friend once who drove us back from the coast one day. Her driving was so bad, she nearly got us killed and I actually got out of the car at the nearest train station. She’s still ‘driving’ but not with me in the car. I think if the driver is competent, and I’d like to think they wouldn’t want to undertake a long journey if they weren’t, then all you can do is say yes but if I thought they weren’t up to it I’d have concerns too.

It's fine honestly. I'd let my 16 year old daughters go without any fuss

Its fine. Roads are fine. Its just winter!

@Autther there were some people stuck on main roads near us for about 5 hours in the snow the other day, so I would have had something to say if the trip was scheduled with a similar weather forecast

If you drop down dead that can’t be prevented. This can. Use your brain.

“It’s an unnecessary and pointless journey”
But it isn’t pointless though is it? It is a birthday treat for his friend. The friend and his mam like him enough to invite him , that is so nice for your son. In big city there will be plenty of options. Mostly they just want to hang out in the city.
There is often media and mumsnet posts about flaky generations who drop out of arrangements at the last minute. These flaky people don’t hold to jobs/friends.
YABU weather will be cold, minor roads icy first thing and last thing but otherwise , normal winter weather. Do you hibernate all winter?

As a parent, I’m afraid you’ve signed up to a lifetime of worry and apprehension! If it wasn’t this, it would be something else - going to house parties, first time abroad with mates, driving after passing their test, going off to University. The trick is to feel the fear and let them do it anyway, hopefully with your blessing. We have to take the hit for our anxiety. It’s not fair to pass it on to them. They’re just growing up, as they should. You can’t cocoon them.

I have to say, a well-planned trip of a couple of hours with a friend’s parent driving, with a break included, sounds like one of the least risky escapades ever! I know what it’s like, I have 3 dc now in their 20s and have done plenty of catastrophising and experienced much gnawing anxiety in my time, but you can’t let that stop them, or you, living.

Yes but at 16, they would find this an adventure and a tale to share with with friends as well an experience to live by when they are themselves driving. They won’t suffer any long term harm by being stranded for a few hours (unless they have medical conditions?)
weather is not forecast to be dangerous. The mam is sensibly taking a stop over (presumably if the weather turned she would sensibly make other plans.

It really depends on where in the Country you are referring to.
120 miles must be about my home to Bristol, dual carriageway then motorway.

Any snow that was around had cleared by yesterday ? we had some snow on Weds eve.

It's gone up to 8c thru the day today.

In 2 years time your son will legally be an adult, could well be driving and may well have his own car....