Would you stop your child going on this trip?

[Rivett]

DS16 is going to a city about 120 miles away from where we live. It’s for his friends birthday and they going with his Mum who will be driving. They are driving halfway today and staying with family tonight then will continue on to the big city tomorrow and will return on Sunday.

The drive is mainly on the motorway and A-roads but I’m not keen on DS going due to the weather conditions. They’re setting off about tea time today.

I’ve told DS I’m not happy about it but of course he wants to go and doesn’t see the problem. I could say he’s not going but I feel bad for my DS as he’ll be mortified and embarrassed. The Mam doesn’t work (they’re well off) and I know the family member who they’re staying with doesn’t work weekends and there is nothing booked, though they have got an activity in mind.

It’s an unnecessary and pointless journey in such shit weather that I think it’s irresponsible of the mother to not change it to next week or the week after. The son gets his own way all the time so there is no way he’ll agree to swapping it for safety
and that’s why the mam won’t suggest it.

I feel like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. You hear so many horror stories about crashes that I won’t be able to settle all weekend.

The more I think about it the more I want to say sorry but not this week.

WWYD?

Unless there has been a warning issued in your area not to drive , or you had concerns about the mums ability to drive then you are being silly
it would not cross my mind not to drive somewhere at the moment especially in motorways

Unless there is a lot of snow down and extreme icy conditions (is it that bad where you are?) then I think it's unreasonable to stop him from going. There is always a risk of accidents whatever the weather.

I moved out at 16.
My son went to australia when he was 16.
House partys at 15 -16 -17 nights out and away from 16.
Yes i was a bit worried sometimes but i didnt show it as i wanted him to do as much as he could and have fun live life and have fun storys to tell.
Op i think you need to back down and let him grow up.
Its more about you and what your feeling.
My sons a grown man now.
However my friend s daughter was not aloud to do these things until she was almost 19.
Let me say shes making up for lost time now still in her 20s left home as soon as she could but no fun storys from her teens apart from school and family stuff.

OP trust your gut, this is your child, my DD is my whole world. If I was worried about a dangerous situation that I can prevent then I absolutely wouldn’t let her go. I might sound dramatic here but anything was to happen to him you would never ever forgive yourself.

There is no evidence that this is a dangerous situation

by the OPs logic the millions driving today and this weekend (inc people with children!) are all wildly irresponsible

This is a bit much. There is a responsibility to try to be rational - not many things are genuinely 'dangerous'.

Pretty much every parent would be devastated if something happened to their kid. That's not a reason in itself to say no to most things.

OP, I completely understand where you’re coming from. I’d probably be the same as you.
Fingers crossed, the motorways will be ok, she’ll just need to take it slowly. It’s a shame they’re not avoiding a non-essential journey.

I say that as someone who was away from home a lot on adventures without my parents. There were no icy conditions involved.

Where I am, all the paths are covered in snow, it just gets icy every day. It’s been like that since Monday. The roads are icy, including some A-roads.

We’re due some relief from Sunday and i’m really looking forward to it!

Driving at any time carries a risk. It's probably no more dangerous this weekend than the rest of the year. It's probably safer than it was at Christmas or in the summer when there was more traffic on the roads.

If you avoided every possible risk, you'd never leave the house, and even then you'd still be at risk of falling down the stairs or all manner of other dangers.

Definitely let him go. He will have a great time and life experiences and bond with others and therefore learn lots more than staying at home.

All of us think our children are our whole world ffs but part of being a good parent involves letting our children have ordinary and normal life experiences without letting our anxiety get in the way. Her ds will never forget this if she stops him from going. And if she keeps letting her anxiety get in the way of his life then he may well resent her and want to leave home earlier too

I can see OP’s point of view though, it is dangerous out there and she’s not the one driving. I don’t think this is all down to OP’s anxiety, I think she makes a valid point.

YABU. There isn't any extreme weather forecast tonight.

Nearly everybody on this thread thinks stopping the trip is an overreaction. You and the OP are outliers with much more anxiety than most people.

No, caring about your children doesn’t mean you have anxiety 🤷🏼‍♀️

Bit harsh! OP's anxiety may be a little over-the-top, but she isn't "awful".

The weather is set to continue to be cold and icy - but motorways will be gritted, salted and too well used to have ice unless things get much worse. Roads into cities: the same.

How far is the first part of the journey tonight? And are you in one of the areas set to be colder than the rest of the UK, or does the journey include one of the mountain pass roads?

it’s an unnecessary and pointless journey in such shit weather that I think it’s irresponsible of the mother to not change it to next week or the week after. The son gets his own way all the time.

Um yeah, that isn't anxiety. That's just being unpleasant.

This is a you problem.

Ridiculous . Don’t saddle your child with your anxiety , it is very unfair .

If you're in the UK, main roads are fine and it's also getting warmer over the next couple of days.
This is your problem, OP, and nobody else's.
The other mother wouldn't want to put her own son at risk so, as she's happy to drive, then I'd say it will be absolutely fine. Hope they have a fab time!

You can care about your children without being suffocating. And if by some miniscule chance something did happen it wouldn't be the op's fault and she wouldn't have anything to forgive herself for

Everything we do in life carries an element of risk. Most accidents occur at home or close by (because that's where people spend a lot of their time, I guess). You're afraid because what happens while he is away is out of your control for a longer than usual time. It's not abnormal - I always used to worry there would be a plane crash when my DH flew for work trips, and had to talk myself out if it. Going on this trip with his friend, regardless of the weather, is not in itself a particularly risky thing to do. Not letting him go is irrational and only based on your anxious feelings - let him go.

Are you serious? She's worried about her son being driven on dangerous roads. If you have children, you are bound to worry when things like this happen. You don't need help for anxiety for caring about your kids!
You're either stupid or taking the piss. I suspect both.

"Trust your gut" You don't think that your brain should be involved?

As for the "never forgiving yourself" well that cuts lots of ways. If (God forbid) your child drops dead one day, will you forgive yourself for all the opportunities they missed because of your gut?

No she's not, she's worried about him being driven on motorways and A roads both of which will be well gritted, well used and no more dangerous than usual.