"Typical woman" comment. AIBU to have said something?

[Yoyoi]

DH is throwing a party at our house in a few weeks. V much a 'boys party' - about 15 blokes and will definitely NOT be family friendly. This is very rare really - he doesn't go out a huge amount. But he does have a group of blokes he used to hang around with that are very much good time people. I am taking the kids to my parents for the weekend.

We are trying to sell our house but have lots of DIY things to sort before we do that. DH has been very slow on this and I have been doing most of it. We both work full time.

DH said to me "the good thing about the party is I will finally fix all the stuff with the house. want the place to look good for the lads" (we are talking peeling paint, broken bannister etc)

I said "it would be nice if you'd been motivated to do it for the family & our need to move house rather than the lads"

He said "Only a woman could twist a positive thing into something so negative. The house will get done now and typical woman stuff to find a reason why that isnt' a good thing"

Was I being unreasonable to not just be happy the house will get done?

@GrantMitchell

A big reason I invite people over is so I’m motivated to clean /tidy /garden /do DIY.

Exactly it's certainly fairly typical amongst my friends and family to get stuff done when there are people coming over who don't belong to your household. It just makes you more motivated.

Nope. I don’t date sexist men. And if I discover the man I am dating is sexist I end it immediately.

It’s weird how relaxed people are with sexism.

I am sure if OP submitted this post but with him saying “typical jew / typical black person / typical asian”….people would quickly understand how problematic it was.

And yea if you speak like this you probably are sexist even if you don’t believe you are.

Well it's annoying but also why haven't you painted the bannisters if you wanted to peeling paint fixed...? It's not just his job because he's a bloke. You're already in a sexist setup if you're leaving it all to him, so receiving sexist comments isn't that surprising tbh.

Sorry I didn't read the thread - I've seen that you do your fair share of DIY. In that case, yes annoying (but your comment was a little dig so I can see why he'd snap back).

I would love to have the quick wit that could come back with such a comment. Brilliant.

Definitely does. I grew up with mum frantically cleaning etc whenever Gran was coming to visit. In dread of the finger run along the top of the mantlepiece...

I saw the update.

Why do they have to have a party in your house? They’re not 16! I’d be directing them all to the nearest pub…..

He wanted to do the party on Valentines Day and only changed date because none of the blokes could come!

He's so excited. Like a puppy

I just feel like he makes me feel like a nag or a nightmare for saying anything even slightly negative. He just wants me to be "cool" with everything "like I used to be"

i totally get you, I feel like I need to put up and shut up and not express any feelings at all

But you are 'cool' about it as you are taking your children to stay with your parents for the weekend so that he can party with his mates. He should be grateful.

Would he do the same for you if you wanted to have the house to yourself to party with all your friends?

He sounds really childish and in awe of the 'big boys' who are letting him join their gang.

I think that very little positive ever comes from a snarky comment and you should be able to communicate like a grown up instead of point scoring like a 13yr old.

Yes, he's lazy. But personally I wouldn't care what was motivating him if it meant the things that were needing done would be done.

Agree - and I'd've reacted. But then I wouldn't talk about a "boys' party" and say it was very much not family friendly, and that the blokes are very much good time people. The assumption being that "boys" are some lesser category of civilization who don't deserve or appreciate nice surroundings.

The “Cool Girl” mentality is a trap and mistake that so many women get themselves into.

She did not make a snarky comment. She made a simple statement of fact - he value’s his friend’s opinions but than his family’s.

He sounds like a twat!

Too right @JHound

Of course I was more relaxed about our home when it was a rented flat and we had no DC. Now we have a mortgage, 2 young DC, etc and so yeah, I've been trying harder to keep it tidy and fix stuff. I actually didn't mind doing more of the DIY but then for him to say he'll start helping because his mates are coming and he wants the "house to look good"

Your partner is a sexist pig, who doesn’t care very much for your family.

Literally never heard this swear word before.I am disappointed in myself. 🤣

What she said.⬆
I would have gone mental on his arse. If you already have a distinct loathing for men Mumsnet is not recommended reading. It fuels the fire.

Not going to lie, I'm v untidy and as soon as I know people are coming over or staying the night I'm up cleaning, shouting orders to everyone to give a hand, at the end I sit down and think why can't my house be like this all the time, my husband has many a time said I love when people come over, we get a clean house, do I take offence, no cause its true, I suppose its all to do with the tone it's delivered in, doesn't mean he's an idiot or red flags or anything like that

are you sure he isn't actually a teenage boy?
the whole thing sounds so childish. not only his sarky comments and hero worshipping cooler lads, but 16 of them having a random boys only house party?

it's like something a teenager would do the first time his parents left them alone.
Surely grown men just meet at the pub or go to the footy or something?

I personally think Valentines day is a bit of a con but doesn't he see the irony in him, a married man wanted to spend it with his friends but they (not unreasonably) prioritised plans with their partners?

I think valentines day is silly to @latetothefisting but still embarrassing that he had to change the date because of the guys were like "of course we can't come on the 14th mate. Doesny your wife mind". He was laughing saying "guess other men need permission hahah"

@fairycakes1234 I do get that. I do the same. It's just that it's DIY stuff that I've been trying to do for so long and he's downplayed (that walls looks fine) and now suddenly he can see it all and wants to fix

Having said all that he's done nothing so far so maybe it's just talk. The house is going to look worse afterwards anyway! All those blokes sleeping in my kids beds 😩

No bloke would be sleeping in my children's beds Absolutely not. Does he really think that's going to happen? I'd be locking their rooms before I left. If I was tolerating this 'boys' party' nonsense in the first place, that is.

This