"Typical woman" comment. AIBU to have said something?

[Yoyoi]

DH is throwing a party at our house in a few weeks. V much a 'boys party' - about 15 blokes and will definitely NOT be family friendly. This is very rare really - he doesn't go out a huge amount. But he does have a group of blokes he used to hang around with that are very much good time people. I am taking the kids to my parents for the weekend.

We are trying to sell our house but have lots of DIY things to sort before we do that. DH has been very slow on this and I have been doing most of it. We both work full time.

DH said to me "the good thing about the party is I will finally fix all the stuff with the house. want the place to look good for the lads" (we are talking peeling paint, broken bannister etc)

I said "it would be nice if you'd been motivated to do it for the family & our need to move house rather than the lads"

He said "Only a woman could twist a positive thing into something so negative. The house will get done now and typical woman stuff to find a reason why that isnt' a good thing"

Was I being unreasonable to not just be happy the house will get done?

He hasn't helped her with all the DIY that needed to be done but has decided that he can be arsed now that his friends are coming over.

It's not a 'jibe' for OP to tell him she's miffed he did it for his mates but didn't do it so her and the kids could have a nicer home. Especially as she's been doing it without him, not just sitting around waiting for him.

It's ok to tell people they've upset or disappointed you!

Just ignore it. It does feel like you're not happy with his little gathering...

He sounds like an adolescent trying too hard with the 'cool kids'. I'd be fuming about him failing to do any of the work that needed doing until he wanted to impress his friends and about his hideously sexist 'typical woman' comment.

OP has already been doing most of the DIY jobs. She also bought their house.

You weren't being "bitchy" (which is a horrible word to use). You were sharing your hurt that your husband views his friends and their opinions of him as more important than not only your feelings, but benefiting the family unit with the house sale.

It is understandable to be upset and frustrated that you have asked him to share the load and he has ignored you.

I would also be furious about his misogyny and seriously questioning whether I wanted to stay married to the rude, lazy, misogynistic jerk.

She isn't crying about it, she is asking if she was unreasonable to make her comment. You think she was, most people think that she wasn't and that her DH is a sexist lazy twat who cares more about impressing his mates than helping his wife get the house into a condition for putting it up for sale.

She has done most of the DIY work already. She also bought their house.

Whilst it's a dick comment I do all the painting and gardening, i enjoy it. We don't have stereotypical male and female roles. DH cooks and cleans, but we'd probably get a joiner for the stairs.

Odd this, I always thought men "didn't see" this sort of stuff.

That’s different…it’s MN, it’s allowed.

It would massively annoy me too. But this can't be the first time he shows his true colours!

I wouldn't have made a sarcastic comment to him. I'd have just said 'happy days, looking forward to it getting done'. It's a bit like when we have visitors to stay we always do a deep clean. If my husband made a sarcy comment like 'oh you're only doing it cos x is coming, why can't you do it so me and the kids can have a cleaner house' etc I'd be annoyed. BTW we do housework 50:50 generally but I work pt so have more time for deep cleans.

Oh I would see red if my husband saw fit to do these jobs because his mates were coming over but couldn’t see fit to do it for his partner and kids!
Men don’t think about things the way we do, often they just really aren’t very deep and take things at face value. Often typical woman type comments come because we think about things a bit more. So to him ‘ill
do it because my mates are coming’ means just that and absolutely no more’ but what we hear is ‘I’ll do because my mates are coming, my wife and children’s comfort doesn’t matter as much’. So he’ll say he didn’t mean it that way but of course your interpretation is what it is!

It's not sarcastic though is it? She just stated a fact. She would have felt it was nice if he did the jobs with her and the kids in mind. It's not sarcastic / passive aggressive / bitchy / a jibe (some of the things various people have called it on this thread) to just tell someone you're disappointed about something they've done.

A big reason I invite people over is so I’m motivated to clean /tidy /garden /do DIY.

Friends, MIL, Phil, it doesn’t matter who is coming over, but it really focuses the mind on the job in hand.

Jesus that's bit extreme🤣

Jesus, he’s rank. ‘The lads’? Grow up you fucking child, your wife has done most of the diy jobs.

He sounds deeply insecure about impressing this group of men. Is he the underdog of the group per chance?

I would not want 15 twats in a house I was trying to sell.

*hadn’t updated the thread. So he is the underdog with the blokes he worships. Pathetic. I’d be tempted to remind who bought and paid for the house. He’s a chump.

I wonder how much worse for wear the house will be after his chums have had a party in it?

You are married to a misogynist who also appears to hate you.

Sorry.

Your comment was absolutely fair snd I would be livid if he cared more about his friends comfort than mine.

The reason why you’re doing the lion’s share and he isn’t, is because he’s lazy/selfish and is happy to leave it all to you, except when his ego is on the line. Oh, and he’s a blatant misogynist to your face.

He’s a winner!

Where does she say that? Also if a couple mutual believe in and agree to adhere to gender roles in their home, that is not, in and of itself, problematic.

His comments are.

Do you know why it is becoming more and more explicit?

Is he becoming radicalised by online misogyny?

I also think this is why any sign of misogyny, no matter how mild should be seen as a hard dating boundary.

The level of disrespect some women will take to “maintain a relationship” never ceases to amaze me…

I'd struggle to have any respect for a grown man who is so desperate to impress his likkle friends OP. Pathetic.

Thank you!!

I never get the “what xxxx it’s hypocrisy!” style comments. Unless it’s the exact same people making both comments then what about them.