@iwentjasonwaterfalls
That method would work for some, but others it wouldn't - as with all discipline methods.
That would probably work okay for dd1, but definitely not dd2 and probably not ds. My three need different methods of discipline for the best.
It's easy to discipline a child who is wanting to work with you. If she just turned round to you and said "I don't care about tidying my room - I'm going out." then that's far harder. A child who will discuss with you and then act is easy to deal with. The child who acts out when challenged is far harder.
Years back when my children were small I read a parenting book by someone that was highly rated. All I came away with was the realisation that his children were easy going and he didn't really have any experience of a child who really was rebelling or didn't answer to his methods.
Two particular things I remember:
He said that he always focused on the positive. So if he couldn't say anything positive about the tidiness of their room he said "your ceiling is tidy", so they felt he wasn't being negative. I tried that.
Dd1 said "Mum, my room isn't that bad. Don't be so sarcastic."
DD2 wrote "This ceiling is not tidy" on her ceiling after I'd left.
Ds pointed out that his ceiling wasn't really that tidy as he had his model aircraft hanging from it, and there was a chunk of plaster missing in the corner, so please could we redecorate his bedroom.
Lose all round really.
But the second one, which I think was quite similar to your example, was one of his dc had left something on the school bus. Let's say their PE bag. They didn't say anything because they were scared/embarrassed/whatever. If they'd said something he'd have leapt in the car and gone after the bus and picked it up at a later stop. As they didn't they had to pay an admin cost of about £20 to get lost property back.
So he decided that they would pay for that £20 with chores or something, can't remember the details. He then said he went to his dc and explained that and asked them if it was a fair punishment - and they agreed. So he patted himself on the back for giving a fair punishment, and said how important it was the child saw it was a fair punishment.
Now there were a few things that I felt.
Firstly, why didn't they tell straight away? My dc would have told me as soon as they'd realised (and have in similar situations). So actually there's more to the situation than he admitted.
Secondly, I can say with absolute certainty that if my Dad/Mum had come and asked if a punishment was fair, then I would have said "yes". Not because I was scared of him, but because that was the simplest and quickest way of finishing the matter. I might have moaned to my friends/sister, but to Dad/Mum, I would have agreed to it. So agreement doesn't necessarily mean anything.
Lastly: I can say with equal certainty that my dbro would have said it wasn't fair. Anything other than no response, he would have raged and said it wasn't fair. (not sure what my sister would have done)
But the interesting thing was that he gave no idea of what to do in that situation. Do you lessen the punishment until they agree it's fair? In which case my brother would probably never got punished. Or do you stand firm and say "I think it's fair" in which case asking them is pointless, and, if they do genuinely think it's unfair, will add to their sense of grievance.
My point is here that one size doesn't fit all for discipline. If you have a child who is easy to deal with, then you may think you have the answers. There isn't an answer.
And that's part of the problem in schools. There isn't one answer for all children, but with 30 children in a class they can't tailor the response to the crime, nor should they be expected to. Nor do they have time to sit down and discuss it every time.
I also find the idea that children will choose the right way if they're explained what is best for them odd. I mean, I've just drank a can of coke zero and ate 4 chocolate digestive biscuits for breakfast. Yep, I know that isn't healthy. I know a slice of toast, or cereal would be better. But I still chose the unhealthy option.
So why would every child always choose the right thing to do if you explained it right? I certainly don't. Do you?
Children deserve the right to feel safe at school. Whether that's safe from abuse at home, or safe from abuse at school.
A happy child learns better.
When ds was at home doing online learning during covid, his lessons were 10 minutes of teacher, then set work to do for the rest of the hour. He did far better because they got that 10 minute teaching then got on with work on their own (with capacity to ask questions if necessary) even though he'd normally completed the work in 20 minutes, so only half the working time. Normally the hour would be taken up with classroom management, distractions, and people not having their pens etc.
And the children got a really good working relationship too because they were able to message on the chat and answer each others' questions so they were focusing on helping each other and building each other up.
Just think how much better children could learn if they could focus on the learning. And those who need extra support could have it in a calm environment. That is what we should be aiming for. Not this half-hearted arrangement where the extra support doesn't happen and the classroom is chaotic. That doesn't help anyone, least of all the vulnerable children who need calm and support most of all.
But we won't ever see that. Because funding.