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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at DH

122 replies

colinshmolin · 09/01/2025 08:43

So two months ago I had an injury that put me in hospital for two weeks, I'm still recovering I'm off work and can't drive.

It's been tough dh works full time and has suddenly had to be main parent to our disabled son and do all dog walks. But we have had a lot of help. Dsis has stayed with us for several weeks doing most of housework, some school runs and running errands for me whilst working too. Dd has also been off sick but has helped alot with supporting me and with our son.

Nonetheless I recognise it's been tough on dh. One thing I asked was that he run my car once a week. We have two cars and are both on insurance . A few months ago I had flu and my car was stationary for a week the battery died and needed replacing. I didn't want my car sitting for months.

Dh agreed to run car although he said it would be fine. I went to check it yesterday and engine is dead. It transpired that in two months dh has started the engine once and not driven it at all.

He's going to try to jump start it this weekend.im really annoyed but when I said something he was angry because he has been doing so much and I am ungrateful.
He's adamant it's the weather that's caused issue with the car not it sitting stationary for so long .

Furthermore he's refusing to drive it going forward as he says it doesn't need to be driven. I have no one else to ask (dd doesn't drive, Dsis leaves today)

Am I right to be annoyed at him?

OP posts:
Catza · 09/01/2025 08:46

You can just go and sit in the car with the engine turned on and press gas pedal while parked. No need to rely on your husband to do it.

PearTreeBoat · 09/01/2025 08:46

I'd definitely cut him some slack on this one. A flat battery is not the end of the world, and he's already offered to try and rectify the issue.

Also, if your battery was dead, and to the point needed replacing, with just a week of not being driven there is something wrong with either your car, or more likely your battery.

TangerineClementine · 09/01/2025 08:47

I think in the circumstances this is quite a minor thing. You'll probably be able to jump start it rather than needing a new battery.

Lemons1571 · 09/01/2025 08:50

Sounds like it’s not just “one thing” that is extra on his plate though. How many “one things” is he trying to keep on top of?

Justcallmebebes · 09/01/2025 09:02

Are you not able to sit in it just to turn it on and let it run for a couple of minutes?

BigMingeEnergy · 09/01/2025 09:06

YABVU. Go and sit in the car and do it yourself stationary.

Completelyjo · 09/01/2025 09:09

After 2 months you should surely be able to run the engine yourself for a few mins?

Rocksaltrita · 09/01/2025 09:11

If he told you he was going to do it, he should have done. Presumably you could have had your sister do it instead whilst she was staying. So he’s had to step up as you were poorly. I’m sure you’d have done the same for him. It’s interesting that many men can’t cope when their domestic appliance (ie wife) breaks temporarily, isn’t it? Might do him good to see just how much you do on a regular basis! Good luck with the continued recovery.

Original poster
colinshmolin · 09/01/2025 09:13

Catza · 09/01/2025 08:46

You can just go and sit in the car with the engine turned on and press gas pedal while parked. No need to rely on your husband to do it.

Not necessarily my pain is up and down

OP posts:
dcsp · 09/01/2025 09:13

It depends.

If he's comfortable driving your car, and your car is suitable for his normal daily use, then driving your car one day a week instead of his is zero extra work for him, so if he refuses to do that it's reasonable to be annoyed.

If he's not comfortable driving it, or your car isn't suitable for his normal daily use, then you're asking him to do something extra at a time he's already got a lot of other extra things on his plate, and I'd let this one go.

As an aside - does the car live on-street, or is it in a garage/driveway? If it's in a garage/driveway consider a trickle-charger.

Original poster
colinshmolin · 09/01/2025 09:15

Rocksaltrita · 09/01/2025 09:11

If he told you he was going to do it, he should have done. Presumably you could have had your sister do it instead whilst she was staying. So he’s had to step up as you were poorly. I’m sure you’d have done the same for him. It’s interesting that many men can’t cope when their domestic appliance (ie wife) breaks temporarily, isn’t it? Might do him good to see just how much you do on a regular basis! Good luck with the continued recovery.

Thank you yes my sister would have. We are both insured on both cars so it would just have been a case of driving mine instead of his it's not like he would have to make a specific trip.

OP posts:
Original poster
colinshmolin · 09/01/2025 09:17

dcsp · 09/01/2025 09:13

It depends.

If he's comfortable driving your car, and your car is suitable for his normal daily use, then driving your car one day a week instead of his is zero extra work for him, so if he refuses to do that it's reasonable to be annoyed.

If he's not comfortable driving it, or your car isn't suitable for his normal daily use, then you're asking him to do something extra at a time he's already got a lot of other extra things on his plate, and I'd let this one go.

As an aside - does the car live on-street, or is it in a garage/driveway? If it's in a garage/driveway consider a trickle-charger.

He doesn't like my car as it's a 1L fiat and his is a 2L Audi but there's no reason he can't drive it

OP posts:
JustWalkingTheDogs · 09/01/2025 09:20

Odd the battery has died again after replacing, shouldn't have done so even on sub zero temperatures.

Butto comment on your point, I'd probably cut him a bit of slack, I'm sure he was prioritising what needed to be done, and let's face it, if you're not going to be driving the car, it doesn't really matter too much if it sits with a flat battery for a few months.

Notawildswimmer · 09/01/2025 09:21

Temperatures are low here which often lead to flat/defunct batteries. On a scale of what you’ve all had to deal with, a car which won’t start and which isn’t needed must be quite far down the list, surely? I hope you feel better soon.

festivemouse · 09/01/2025 09:21

If your pain is up and down, I'm sure there must have been some time the engine could have been turned on.

Honestly it's a stressful time - it's not the end of the world, when juggling that many plates things might fall. As long as you're all okay, fed, house is sorted, dogs and kids are fine - after such a tough few months if that's the only thing that's slipped id say it's a job well done.

Curiossir · 09/01/2025 09:27

If you were able to check it then you were able to start and run it yourself.

PussInBin20 · 09/01/2025 09:31

In the grand scheme of things, this is not a big deal (or even a priority). I think YABU.

But sounds like there is a bigger problem with the car as it shouldn’t be doing that.

SecretSoul · 09/01/2025 09:36

colinshmolin · 09/01/2025 09:13

Not necessarily my pain is up and down

Show quote history

After two months you can’t find 2-3 minutes where your pain is sufficiently controlled to sit in the car and run the engine? But you could check it yourself?

Sorry OP but this just doesn’t sound entirely honest.

I think you’re pissed off with your DH because your car has been put out of action and your annoyance with him means you don’t want to admit that actually, you could do this yourself.

I hope you’re properly back on your feet soon.

Mounjarry · 09/01/2025 09:39

Honestly if partner asked me to do this amongst doing the lions share of stuff because he was injured and I forgot and he moaned I'd be annoyed, especially as there's no reason let's be real you'd be unable to sit in a car with the engine on most likely. He's also offered to try and resolve it, if he wasn't bothered he wouldn't.

Eyresandgraces · 09/01/2025 09:41

A car should be run for 15 minutes a week ideally and more importantly your tyre pressure will need checking before the car is driven anywhere. Also braking for the first few times needs a bit more distance from the car in front as the brakes can corrode slightly if not used in a while but will be ok after a few uses.

It’s quite worrying the lack of knowledge regarding basic car maintenance on this thread.

PigInAHouse · 09/01/2025 09:41

It’s a flat battery, not the end of the world. In the grand scheme of things, does it matter?

BarbaraHoward · 09/01/2025 09:42

Lemons1571 · 09/01/2025 08:50

Sounds like it’s not just “one thing” that is extra on his plate though. How many “one things” is he trying to keep on top of?

Yeah exactly, I'd cut him some slack on this one. You're all up to your eyeballs and this one isn't a big deal. We did the same with one of our cars when we had a baby during lockdown, giving it a run just kept going further and further down the list of priorities.

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 09/01/2025 09:43

Yes, I would be annoyed. You aren't asking him to do anything extreme, just swap which car he uses once a week. There's no reason he couldn't have nipped to the shops in your car instead of his on a handful of occasions over a 2-3 month period.

Nanny0gg · 09/01/2025 09:50

Mounjarry · 09/01/2025 09:39

Honestly if partner asked me to do this amongst doing the lions share of stuff because he was injured and I forgot and he moaned I'd be annoyed, especially as there's no reason let's be real you'd be unable to sit in a car with the engine on most likely. He's also offered to try and resolve it, if he wasn't bothered he wouldn't.

Edited

Lion's share?

I think the OP's sister took quite a load off whilst working in someone else's house at the same time.

Catza · 09/01/2025 09:52

Eyresandgraces · 09/01/2025 09:41

A car should be run for 15 minutes a week ideally and more importantly your tyre pressure will need checking before the car is driven anywhere. Also braking for the first few times needs a bit more distance from the car in front as the brakes can corrode slightly if not used in a while but will be ok after a few uses.

It’s quite worrying the lack of knowledge regarding basic car maintenance on this thread.

It's not lack of car maintenance knowledge, it's being pragmatic. When you are ill, have one sick child and another with disability, have to source help to keep alive and ticking, I am sure you are not going to get your fancy tire pressure gauge and muck about with your car. You just do the best you can and take it to the garage when you are able to.