To be annoyed at DH

[colinshmolin]

So two months ago I had an injury that put me in hospital for two weeks, I'm still recovering I'm off work and can't drive.

It's been tough dh works full time and has suddenly had to be main parent to our disabled son and do all dog walks. But we have had a lot of help. Dsis has stayed with us for several weeks doing most of housework, some school runs and running errands for me whilst working too. Dd has also been off sick but has helped alot with supporting me and with our son.

Nonetheless I recognise it's been tough on dh. One thing I asked was that he run my car once a week. We have two cars and are both on insurance . A few months ago I had flu and my car was stationary for a week the battery died and needed replacing. I didn't want my car sitting for months.

Dh agreed to run car although he said it would be fine. I went to check it yesterday and engine is dead. It transpired that in two months dh has started the engine once and not driven it at all.

He's going to try to jump start it this weekend.im really annoyed but when I said something he was angry because he has been doing so much and I am ungrateful.
He's adamant it's the weather that's caused issue with the car not it sitting stationary for so long .

Furthermore he's refusing to drive it going forward as he says it doesn't need to be driven. I have no one else to ask (dd doesn't drive, Dsis leaves today)

Am I right to be annoyed at him?

Do they you get angry and call people ungrateful when asked if it's been done?

Honestly I suppose it would depend how it was asked. If it was done in an accusatory ‘I know you haven’t done it’ manner I might be a bit pissed off. Unless the consequences of me not doing it were really severe, in which case I’d of course be very apologetic.

Quite probably if I'd volunteered to "fix" the thing I'd missed (jump start the car) and had been doing a whole lot of other things to support them.

Similar example ... before my DD left for university, she asked me if I wouldn't mind washing her bedding and remaking her bed with clean. I said I would.
I've subsequently washed her bedding but not got round to making the bed yet. I figure there is no rush as DD isn't planning on sleeping in it anytime soon.

if DD turned up unexpectedly and moaned at me for not making her bed, then I absolutely would tell her she was ungrateful. Particularly if I'd offered to make sure it got done before she actually went to bed. The fact that "I promised" and I should have had time is neither here nor there and doesn't mean I deserve to be moaned at.

Right?! This place is rank sometimes.

Why do women always get the lesser cars. Thankfully my car is newer, nicer and a million times better than my dh work van. He has never driven any of my cars. Why would you settle for less.

@NavyTurtle I prefer a smaller car and dh works an hour away so makes sense for him to have the better car.

I don't really have words for this thread.

A small handful of posters have realised that the OPs husband did the bare minimum and had help from 2 other adults to do the housework and childcare.

The rest of you need to head on back to Gilead.

OP YANBU.

Really?

Let's reverse the sexes.

My husband had an operation two months ago and is still only able to do a limited range of things. During this time, I've had to combine my full time job with doing a lot of the things that my husband usually does including all the dog walks and being the main parent in looking after our disabled son, as well as caring for DH as needed.

DH's sister has come to stay and has picked up a lot of the housework, and some other jobs, which has obviously helped. DD has also supported with looking after her brother although she's been sick herself.

DH was worried about his car and specifically asked me to run it once a week so that the battery didn't go flat. I did it once, but with everything else going on, it then went completely out of my head. Yesterday, for the first time, DH was well enough to sit in the car (he's still not well enough to drive it) and found that the battery was flat. He was really annoyed at me and said that he'd only asked me to do one thing and he can't believe that I didn't bother to do it. I've said I will try to jump start the car at the weekend but I'm really angry that he doesn't realise how much extra there is going on, how much I'm picking up, and that looking after his car is not my priority.

Is he BU to be annoyed with me?

Ah okay, I think I underestimated what you were going through from your OP.
I hope you get some progress and you recover soon!

@redskyatnight

I take your point but he can drive either car so he could say go to the shop in my car instead of his . It wouldn't have cost him any extra time.

He did jumpstart it Saturday though. And I have let it go.

@redskyatnight yes I would be!!

If the sister is doing the housework and DD is doing the childcare, what EXACTLY has the OPs DH been doing?

His failure to do 1 easy task could potentially cost the family money. It's possible the car may now need to be fitted with a new battery.

I used to have a car where if the battery went flat it affected the immobiliser and gearbox - I'm talking a garage recovery and repair into the 000s.

As a previous poster pointed out, he could simply have taken OPs car to work once a week instead of his own, he simply didn't want to.

So yes, the OP is perfectly reasonable to be annoyed at him!

People need to stop invented the scenario where the poor bloke was run ragged while OP was laid up - because that simply isn't the case!

You can buy a car battery charger for about £15, which plugs into the mains and takes a few hours to charge. Just do that before you start driving again.

Came here to say this, the battery is not the issue. The brakes are a big issue though as well as tyre pressures.

Blimey.. so he's done EVERYTHING else required of him to support the family and household while you're out of action but you're so annoyed about this one oversight that you've started a thread about it?

Incorrect. Two other women have moved in and are handling the labour.

If the battery is already dead just leave it until you're ready to drive. It's not going to be more dead.

Turning the car isn’t enough. It needs to be driven to recharge the battery. Starting it will drain it further.

no big deal for your husband he just needs to use it once a week rather than his own. How is that difficult or onerous?

Bone idle comes to mind, what if you were single and had to do everything yourself, what would you do then. If you can't go and sit in your car for 10 minutes every few days then that tells me all I need to know. Even if you were in a cast you could open a door turn a key and leave it running. There's people like you and then there are people like me, no matter what, one way or another even if I have to crawl ill get it done.

Dead easy solution to avoid the expense & grief is for him or a friend to start it regularly and run it for 10mins to warm thru and replace the charge used to start it. However, a battery shouldn't die so quick unless its being drained or already faulty - a jump-start is only a quick fix, the battery is already past its best when you need to do that.

Cut him some slack!
You are being Ur and ungrateful.

Try not to focus on this one thing he hasn’t done and instead write down and make a list of all the things he has done. Your perspective will soon shift and you will realise then that you can forgive him.

If I were single I'd need carers right now and someone would have to look after my son. A few days ago I could walk to my car and run the engine. Today I can't, not because I'm bone idle but because I have had a life changing injury.