To be annoyed at DH

[colinshmolin]

So two months ago I had an injury that put me in hospital for two weeks, I'm still recovering I'm off work and can't drive.

It's been tough dh works full time and has suddenly had to be main parent to our disabled son and do all dog walks. But we have had a lot of help. Dsis has stayed with us for several weeks doing most of housework, some school runs and running errands for me whilst working too. Dd has also been off sick but has helped alot with supporting me and with our son.

Nonetheless I recognise it's been tough on dh. One thing I asked was that he run my car once a week. We have two cars and are both on insurance . A few months ago I had flu and my car was stationary for a week the battery died and needed replacing. I didn't want my car sitting for months.

Dh agreed to run car although he said it would be fine. I went to check it yesterday and engine is dead. It transpired that in two months dh has started the engine once and not driven it at all.

He's going to try to jump start it this weekend.im really annoyed but when I said something he was angry because he has been doing so much and I am ungrateful.
He's adamant it's the weather that's caused issue with the car not it sitting stationary for so long .

Furthermore he's refusing to drive it going forward as he says it doesn't need to be driven. I have no one else to ask (dd doesn't drive, Dsis leaves today)

Am I right to be annoyed at him?

Imagine if your DH was out of action, and you were having to cover everything and feeling under pressure, and then he had a go at you because you forgot to do one small, unimportant thing. How would that make you feel?

Mistakes happen, things get forgotten. He's taken on a lot. Let this one go.

You can buy yourself a car battery charger online. No need to rely on anybody. or replace your battery all the time.

Any reason as to why you can't do this OP?

If this was a bloke posting about his wife not starting his car, he'd be handed his arse on a plate

YADBU

I'm currently ill in bed and have been since Christmas. My house is an absolute tip - imagine a 'before' image on some house cleaning/hoarders type show - but DH has cared for me, DC and worked full time whilst also not being 100% himself so I haven't said a single thing (even though I'd really like him to put away last week's food shop rather than having it out in bags all over the kitchen floor for example).

If the boot was on the other foot and he complained that the house was a mess whilst I had been flying solo I'd be furious. And whilst a car battery is annoying it isn't the biggest deal in the world and not worth falling out at a time where I'm sure everyone is feeling stressed and worried.

Yeah.
Poor bastard, in this case.
Thank you very much.

Maybe it's not about the battery, maybe it's just about that fact that she had one specific request to make of him, which he agreed he would do, and he didn't.

Maybe it's symptomatic of what their relationship is like?

Get yourself a trickle charger and use that, if the car is not going to be driven for a while.

If he says he was going to do it and hasn't, then that's a bit annoying but it's not worth starting a fight over. It sounds like a shitty, stressful time for both of you, cut each other a bit of slack.

But it's not "just one thing", he's being the main parent, presumably still working/using up his leave and this is a very insignificant thing, especially as OP can't drive at the moment

The OP seems to manage, when well, to do all the extras he is currently doing, and he has some help too as the sister moved in etc. Which I imagine the OP doesn't require when she is fit and well. She he hasn't taken it all on alone.

I also imagine he could / would ask the OP for help or support in the usual times with things and she does them for him, as we do in relationships.

I get that it's not been done as he is working and minding the children and its a lot. But it's classic, really, isn't it that when Mum is out of action, the help all rallies around and dad is seen to be superman picking it all up.

In reality, all he needed to do was take her car to work and back, in place of his own, once a week. Its poor that he has not recognised that this is important to his wife.

Well yes, OP can't even sit in a stationary care so presumably isn't able to do anything at all really. Doing housework and some errands is helpful sure but not really the same as 2 parents equally pulling their weight?

Honestly if a bloke was injured and the woman was doing everything with a few weeks of some help and he moaned about this small thing that let's be real he could have done, i don't reckon he'd have a fun time on here.

YABU. You didn't need the car and it will be easy enough to get it going again when you do

Did he equally pull his weight before? Do we know?

I'd say totally understand your frustration, but I wouldn't pass that onto him (or in fact to anyone who is working to support you at the moment). You've been through a lot and you must be feeling a bit helpless in some ways, but people are rallying around and doing their best, so maybe exercise a bit of tolerance right now. Hope you feel much better soon

Thank you

It was the first time I was able to

@SecretSoul
So I'm on opiates, some days my pain is more manageable than other days, sometimes my side effects are more severe than others. The physio is helping me regain mobility, yesterday was the first time felt able to go try the car. I can't drive it yet but I was able to sit in it for a few minutes. I also feel capable today but my rehabilitation so far has had progress and setbacks and more progress. It's not a straight line of improvement. So tomorrow it may be possible, it may not.

@BigMingeEnergy love your user name!

So I couldn't walk for about 8 days and then it's been rehabilitation to get me moving and able to sit for longer periods. The issue with getting in a standard car is the bend you have to do to get in and out. It's a lot harder with reduced mobility. My painkillers impact me too, headaches, nausea, grogginess. Plus when you lose the ability to walk/move your muscle mass drops very quickly. You become weaker.

My physio started with practicing pointing and flexing my toes and lifting my foot an inch off the bed. It's been an extremely slow journey.

He has had a rough time but he has also had two adults living with him and doing the majority of the house/care stuff. He has worked full time though, done some school runs and most dog walks.

I would turn the engine on and sit on it as others have said. But if you can't because it hurts then he could of but honestly it's just sounds like you are both at the end of your tether. I hope you feel much better soon.

Two women. Classic.

Thank you I'll try

Doesn’t sound like you are going to be driving for a good while then, so I wouldn’t worry about the car until you are going to need it.

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