To be annoyed at DH

[colinshmolin]

So two months ago I had an injury that put me in hospital for two weeks, I'm still recovering I'm off work and can't drive.

It's been tough dh works full time and has suddenly had to be main parent to our disabled son and do all dog walks. But we have had a lot of help. Dsis has stayed with us for several weeks doing most of housework, some school runs and running errands for me whilst working too. Dd has also been off sick but has helped alot with supporting me and with our son.

Nonetheless I recognise it's been tough on dh. One thing I asked was that he run my car once a week. We have two cars and are both on insurance . A few months ago I had flu and my car was stationary for a week the battery died and needed replacing. I didn't want my car sitting for months.

Dh agreed to run car although he said it would be fine. I went to check it yesterday and engine is dead. It transpired that in two months dh has started the engine once and not driven it at all.

He's going to try to jump start it this weekend.im really annoyed but when I said something he was angry because he has been doing so much and I am ungrateful.
He's adamant it's the weather that's caused issue with the car not it sitting stationary for so long .

Furthermore he's refusing to drive it going forward as he says it doesn't need to be driven. I have no one else to ask (dd doesn't drive, Dsis leaves today)

Am I right to be annoyed at him?

If anything, I’m seeing misandry rather than misogyny.

It is ok to have some sympathy for men you know… Empathy for both men and women is something we should all have.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all OP. Let's face it, if it was him with the injury you can bet your bottom dollar you would have been the one to do everything and probably without any outside help at all and probably while doing a full time job.
Wish people would stop making excuses for men.

People care about their partners wellbeing, bloody misogynists!

You need Specsavers.

Which bit of he moved two women to replace OP are you not getting? What's the sympathy for, exactly? The man had to walk his dog when he normally doesn't. You feel empathy for him?

I genuinely do not understand what is happening on this thread? An invasion of MRA's? A prank?

I’d let him off this one. He has given himself
another task now as he’ll have to jump start it. You do t have to do anything.

Except he doesn't. That's the point. He couldn't do the one things she asked him for. Why do you all care about him, and not OP?

I couldn’t get too aerated over needing to jump start a car.

Yes YABU but I do get it 🤣
I was in a similar situation myself 9 years ago, my DH was having to everything that I would normally do on top of working long hours, he was amazing-he never grumbled once. There were many instances when he had to leave work to pick up DS from school, then travel an hour back to work straight after (we had DSIL helping us whenever she could with school pick ups and drop offs)
I can’t recall what it was now, but there was a couple of minor things that he didn’t do in that period I was incapacitated, and I nearly lost my mind over it. Looking back, it wasn’t actually my DH not doing these things that got to me (though that’s what I thought at the time) it was intense frustration at not being able to do anything myself. I just took it out on him because he was there 🤦🏻‍♀️

Thank you 😂 tbf he works longer hours than me usually so our set up is that I take more of the home load. But yes I don't think he realises how lucky he is to have this additional support

Because someone’s (man or woman) routine has been thrown out of whack and their partner who is supposed to love and care for them is pissed because they haven’t done something for them. I just can’t imagine my partner treating me like that. Sorry your marriage is so miserable

I think it’s telling that you agree with the idea extreme comments by that poster.

You go back being mad at your husband then.

I’d have thought the car is the least of your worries at the moment.
Jump start when you can drive again.
Give yourself one thing less to stress about.It'll just be the battery. A combination of just sitting and the cold weather.

I’d cut your dh some slack as he’s doing a lot more than usual already.

In these circumstances you should definitely NOT be sweating the small stuff.
The battery is new. It will recover.
Be kind and let it go.

I rarely drive (I walk to work and don't have children) and my battery dies from to time. I now own a battery charger (£20 from Amazon). Amazingly however, despite not driving since early December, my car started yesterday first time despite all the cold weather.

Get a charger and you can charge it when you're ready to drive again. Certainly doesn't need a new battery.

Aleast no one can nick it at the moment 😄

What a fuss about a car that isn’t going anywhere soon anyway.
Cars do not need starting every week, so if your battery is draining then you need to see what is on in your car that is draining it or just unplug the battery for now.

It's annoying, but it's not a hill to die on. Certainly, cold weather can affect car batteries, hence why electric cars are less efficient in cold conditions.

Should he have started the car and driven it a bit, yes. You asked, he should have. Would I go to war with him about it, no. It'll be easy enough to jump start and it'll be fine. But I understand the irritation. It would have taken him 10 minutes, once a week to do..

Don't really understand why so many posters are putting this on you op.

Sounds like he has been getting a lot of extra help and not having to pick up much of the slack to be honest.

He just doesn't want to drive your car instead of his Audi

He should be grateful that he's got so much help

He's not done "so much", he's been doing what single working mums are doing up and down the country, day in, day out except most of them don't have the luxury of a full time cleaner.

Having said that though, pick your battles, this one really isn't worth it.

Sorry @baileys6904 didn't mean to quote you!

Isn't it funny when the woman is incapacitated how often they get their Mum or sister in to help. It's also funny how many men leave a woman with a chronic illness when they can no longer serve as their maid (stats are shocking).

A mum at school went away for a week, so we got to see the Dad every day on the school run. He was moaning about having to do the school run, clean, get sorted for the day, .... she'd left freezer meals for him all week and specific notes on all the kids activities and packed everything for everyday, and he still moaned.

But worst, the other Mums were falling over themselves to applaud him with 'isn't he doing well...'

The fact the man had 2 women to help him, and couldn't do this one small job, is something she can be annoyed about, as it has big consequences. Once again the bar for men on Mumsnet is ankle high.

Can he not just use your car instead of his on some days?

He said he would do it so he should have. Yes it was a stressful time but it sounds like he had lots of help. Only you know op how much extra he had to do and if you think he should have managed it then I think yanbu.

No it doesn't.

He's got quite a lot of help

Imagine it was him that was ill. How much help would the OP get do you think?

You'd think, wouldn't you?

Yes he could have. But he didn't. That's the whole point.

He said he’d do it. He forgot. Sometimes I forget to do things I said I’d do. Everyone makes mistakes.