To be annoyed at DH

[colinshmolin]

So two months ago I had an injury that put me in hospital for two weeks, I'm still recovering I'm off work and can't drive.

It's been tough dh works full time and has suddenly had to be main parent to our disabled son and do all dog walks. But we have had a lot of help. Dsis has stayed with us for several weeks doing most of housework, some school runs and running errands for me whilst working too. Dd has also been off sick but has helped alot with supporting me and with our son.

Nonetheless I recognise it's been tough on dh. One thing I asked was that he run my car once a week. We have two cars and are both on insurance . A few months ago I had flu and my car was stationary for a week the battery died and needed replacing. I didn't want my car sitting for months.

Dh agreed to run car although he said it would be fine. I went to check it yesterday and engine is dead. It transpired that in two months dh has started the engine once and not driven it at all.

He's going to try to jump start it this weekend.im really annoyed but when I said something he was angry because he has been doing so much and I am ungrateful.
He's adamant it's the weather that's caused issue with the car not it sitting stationary for so long .

Furthermore he's refusing to drive it going forward as he says it doesn't need to be driven. I have no one else to ask (dd doesn't drive, Dsis leaves today)

Am I right to be annoyed at him?

Just jump start it or get a battery charging pack from Halfords and leave it on charge for a few hours before you need to use it again.

Honestly it's not like he was doing it alone he had help and support if OP dropped dead tomorrow he really woukd have to do things alone how would he cope

These things happen when life gets stressful, sounds like he's doing a lot. I wouldn't be mad at him if he's really doing his best. Hope you feel better soon

Having been through a similar experience I can appreciate your frustration and I can easily believe that you have not previously been able to get to the car leave alone drive it. Well done for persevering with the physio and getting to that point now. In some ways this frustration is a good thing because it shows you are getting better because six weeks ago you probably didn't really care.

I would probably give dh some slack because he is probably worried about you and probably just drove his own on autopilot. I would though try to arrange for the car to be checked over by a mechanic once you can get it started and a few days before you think you will be able to drive so you know it is safe when you are able to resume driving. I remember at this sort of stage in my recovery being driven places, although sitting in the car was agony and sitting in a coffee shop was agony it was nice to be out and about again. It may just be that you need a chauffeur for the next few weeks and that is fine too.

We’ve been caught out by my car in the past when I’ve had covid over Christmas - the cold and inactivity have drained the battery if left for a week or so. You can get trickle chargers as PP have said, if you have a driveway, and then the battery should be ok.
I’m currently unable to drive too and my DH has taken my car out for a 20 minute spin a couple of times as it’s definitely less hassle to do that proactively rather than bother with jump/trickle starting it. He hates driving it as well as he has an automatic and mine is a clunky old diesel, but we have both learnt from experience that this is the easier option. Not the end of the world though.

Why would she do it herself if her DH said he was going to do it? I think the problem is he said he'd do it but then didn't and he didn't even bother to tell OP just let her find out when she went to turn it on.

Doesn't sound like much. He acquired an extra woman to replace OP 🤨

It’s your car, so if you can walk and sit, you can do it yourself.

Seriously? I’d be livid if I took all of the slack of my DH who had been incapacitated for weeks, and he then had the audacity to have a go at me for missing ONE thing (that he could have done himself anyway). Very ungrateful and unsympathetic

But he ms not doing everything. He's done fuck all. What are these answers all about? Can noone read?

Christ almighty.
It's like the Monday morning handmaidens convention.

You're focusing on the wrong thing. If you're scarcely able to get into the car and can't drive, then it doesn't matter whether it's driveable or not.

What does matter is that at some point in the future when you are well enough to drive again, that the car works as you expect it to.

DH is trying to juggle an unaccustomed routine. He doesn't need you to micromanage how he does it. He's said he'll get the car going again.

So basically you are annoyed that a car you can't drive has a flat battery?

huh? It IS hard. I have done it. It’s not old fashioned to suggest parenting by yourself is difficult. Martyr 🙄

His balancing plates and dropped a frankly not important one. You can’t drive the car, he doesn’t like driving your car.

You sound like you won’t be able to drive it still for a while anyway so running it once a week was a pointless ask. Get a battery charger even on Amazon for £18 and just plug it in when your actually ready to drive again.

Modern cars don't need the engine starting and running they can sit for months. Unless your alternator isn't working correctly.
However with the temperatures we've been having lately even my car that I've used every day has suddenly decided not to work one day last week.

Excuse me? Foul

Hold on, I was wrong. It's even worse. Your man's women is broken, so he got TWO women to move in to replace her.

And now he's got a crowd of you saying oh poor man, leave him alone, it's been so hard for him, he couldn't possibly do the one tiny job you've asked him to do, you ungrateful bitch.

Mental.

Because he was still working full time. Most households where both parents work full time employ childcare, and or a cleaner.

You ok hun?

Cleaner? Lol no we don't. Aww, did poor little man have to carry on working his normal job? How hard for him. You're right, crazy to ask him to spend 5 mins doing something for OP. My bad.

@colinshmolin can you get a local garage to pick your car up and give it a service/thorough overhaul? Mine wasn't driven for months at a time last year but still started fine when i needed it. Mind you, it wasn't this cold when i was trying!

I agree he should have done it when he told you he would, but if you're not able to use it anyway right now does it really matter that much? Or are you worried that your dsis is going and he's not going to step up to do what she's been doing for you, like this is a manifestation of how he will behave?

My thought exactly 😂

It sounds like her sister was doing most of the work and DH was walking the dog and looking after his son. I'm willing to bet when OP is well she does everything that her sister and DH are doing between them.
Like I said it's the not bothering to say that would annoy me. What if OP hadn't checked and when she is well needed to drive? I don't understand why he couldn't have either said no or say he'd forgotten.

Not really. Bemused by this insane misogyny first thing in the week.