AIBU? Wedding makeup artist and friend

[MumofHennHals]

I get married in August, and I've booked a hair and makeup artist to do myself ( bride ), 4 bridesmaid and mother of the bride & mother of the grooms hair and makeup.

One of our guests, young female ( in 30s - not that it matters, but trying to get its not one of my mums 60 yo mates )

Messaged because she used to live in Marbella, where we are getting married and she's looking to get her makeup done. She asked who was doing mine, just out of curiosity I thought, thinking she would look for someone else.

She's only gone and messaged my make up artist and asked if she can do her aswell at the venue when she's doing the bridesmaids.

Sorry, AIBU or is this weird as F?! My makeup artist declined but I'm a bit miffed about it.

Maybe because you said it's in Spain, and as Mumsnet is largely a British demographic, the assumption was "abroad", hence assumptions about hotels.

As it's basically your hometown, you didn't really need to mention it.

Why would this be weird? If the makeup artist had the time she would have said yes, she didn't so declined. You don't own people who are working for you.

Maybe if you'd put these details in your OP you'd have had more understanding responses.
You used the word venue in your OP. plenty of venues are hotels so many posters will have assumed that you were marrying in a hotel.

Your OP implies that she just asked. Which is why lots of posters are not getting the problem.
In light of your update.... she's a CF

I suppose it's just one of those things where you wanted the make up artist to be available to focus purely on you and the bridal party so you have a special experience.
She wanted to look nice for the wedding and doesn't know who else she could get. She also maybe didn't realise that you wanted exclusive use / didn't realise it might seem she is overstepping.
In the end the MUA said no to her so you are still getting what you want so just put it out of your head and enjoy your special day. No point dwelling on it as it will make you miserable.

Weird if she expected to join you and the bridesmaids to have her makeup done.

Not weird if she was going to ask MUA to do her makeup after you. However I’m sure there wouldn’t be time anyway

Literally wouldn’t bother me one bit.

Im assuming she’s a friend or family of you or your soon to be husband.

So many posts on Mumsnet are about putting down people’s ‘friends’. Friends are supposed to be kind to each other!

She probably just wanted the one who’d already be on site for ease.

God, I’m surprised any of your ‘friends’ are going to the wedding with your attitude. It’s so rude! Can’t understand it at all.

Ok, so with the update this 'friend' is sounding more unreasonable all the time. If it's a venue with just a bridal suite for getting ready in, no guest rooms then obviously the only people getting ready there should be the bridal party / people specifically invited by bride. Very weird to invite herself, and rude to say she wanted that MUA unless is was on a 'good choice, they are good' sort of way.

However OP, we didn't know all those details before from your first post so there is no need for getting so cross with posters and all the capital letters. It's all sorted now so chill out about it. It will be something to laugh about later with your DH 'the 'guestzilla' / mates girlfriend who practically invited herself to be a bridesmaid'. Every wedding needs a few characters!

The guest also put the wrong date, she put the day after my wedding on the text - which is a little offensive and shows how much she cares.

I don't think you actually like her so I have NO idea why she's even invited

The guest also put the wrong date, she put the day after my wedding on the text - which is a little offensive and shows how much she cares.
Making something special, an experience for my nearest and dearest is something I want special to us, at my venue ON MY WEDDING DAY.

oh no, you are not a bridezilla AT ALL, why could we possibly think you were

😂

An excellent summary

9-11 for hair and makeup for seven people?

For one MUA that's an 8 hour job.

Making something special, an experience for my nearest and dearest is something I want special to us, at my venue ON MY WEDDING DAY.

If you really can’t see why shouting ON MY WEDDING DAY is bridezilla behaviour there really is no hope, you’ll give yourself and everyone around you a heart attack if you carry on with this level of unnecessary dramatics.

Literally nothing happened here, nothing has changed whatever.

Which the friend may or may not have known. She might have thought there was a team of people, or that not as many were being done, or it wasn't starting till later or plenty of other entirely legitimate reasons why asking if it was possible wasn't the outrageous act it's being made out to be.

I don't know how long this stuff takes. My wedding hair and make-up took about 20 minutes.

I don't know what to tell you. I never thought I'd read adults suggesting it's fine to try and book the bridal MUA on the morning of the wedding. It's utterly bizarre and so absolutely not done.

It’s a service being offered, nobody was trying to bump the bridal makeup booking, the wedding isn’t until later in the day and the MUA might well have been able to squeeze her in earlier on, or quickly before the ceremony

People getting married don’t own the time around their booking, had the MUA wanted to add in a separate booking that would’ve been absolutely fine, as it is she didn’t want to and this is a complete non event.

To be fair though, if you look at the update the guest wasn't asking for a separate appointment she was asking to come in with the bridesmaids, so I do think it's rude, especially asking the MUA first, not if the bride minds!

I then receive a message from the makeup artist asking if it's correct and extra guest will be at the venue the day of the wedding and will be able to come to the room to have her makeup done alongside the bridesmaids, can I squeeze her in.

And to be even more fair we could have done with knowing this in the first place

Drip feed 🙄

I would assume the venue has rooms other than the bridal suite. An office, staff areas, cloakroom etc. Maybe as a wedding planner she knows of a quiet spot the MUA could do her make up if she has time or could ask a contact as a favour to use a room elsewhere at the venue, or assumed there would be somewhere at the venue they could use. You have no idea whether she was trying to crash your bridal party or not. I would assume not. I can’t imagine many people would want to crash a bridal party when they barely know the bride.

Ok well she shouldn't have asked about use of the room without invitation but was still fine to ask the make up artist if she could fit her in.

Especially with it being so late in the day. I think it was fine to assume the makeup artist may have had space. If her services were exclusively booked for the whole day it was for her to turn down the request, not for the guest to have known that. She could also have made a recommendation for elsewhere.

All this about it being YOUR SPECIAL DAY is your issue, not the guest. Also being offended about the date is looking for trouble. Just put this behind you, be gracious to the woman when you see her and enjoy the day.

I can see (after your update) how certain points of this have stuck in your craw, but don't conflate everything. It was fine of her to ask about availability. Not so much to use of the room but that might be some crossed wires. Maybe her partner suggested it even.

The message about it being the MUA she would've chosen was I think a badly worded joke or compliment that's landed badly as it makes her finding a MUA somehow your problem. I do get you with the longer update but give her the benefit of the doubt.

People are saying you're sounding like a bridezilla because ok, we see your point more now, but it's time to drop this. It was ok for her to ask as in the OP. The room was the cheeky bit but it's been handled and no harm done. All this about making memories, I want this and that is sounding a bit foot stompy.

I still think keep it filed under 'possible misunderstanding '. She may have thought there was somewhere else in the hotel, etc etc.

No need for shouty capitals just because you're not getting the response you wanted. Even with your drip feed update, I still don't think she's done anything really wrong- she asked a question to the MUA and was told no, and you barely had to stamp your foot. Weddings can have a way of making people feel under pressure and the pressure of creating 'the perfect day' can make people snap over tiny issues. Remember that the goal here is not a wedding, it's a marriage. Days are rarely perfect so take them as they come and don't make drama where it's not needed.

What’s the issue ?

If it doesn’t interfere with you and your bridesmaids getting makeup done - then I’m not sure why you are bothered .

You will obviously have a contract with your makeup artist around what time you’re starting / finishing and in what order.

You don’t own the Makeup artist, their tools or time and you don’t control who can book them.

You clearly think
yoire opinion is right so why even ask? If the make up artist has done with your group then what does it matter?? Genuinely don’t see the issue?

As long as you and your party are treated properly by the artiste does it really matter who else she takes on ?

I didn't think you were being a bridezilla until I read your rude over the top responses.