Male staff in nursery’s

[Itsoneofthose]

Ok, hear me out.. I know this is controversial but today I was shown around a nursery for the first time. I’m dreading leaving my little one, only because I’ll miss her and worry about her. I don’t think my worry is out of proportion or anything like that though. But today I saw two male nursery nurses. Now, I know there are many men who are great with kids, and not all men are a threat to children (obviously) and women can also potentially pose a threat to children but I just don’t know how I feel about male nursery staff. Hmmm. I know I’ll be shot down in flames for this. Nursery’s are well regulated etc etc. I just can’t help feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing. Has anyone else experienced these thoughts? AIBU

I have 2 sons and was always happy when they were cared for by men, both in nursery and then taught in primary school. There are not enough men in these very important and very undervalued roles. I wanted them to see men in those roles.

I don't understand how the balance of childcare will ever be if we decide men can't be trusted with children.

I was never particularly comfortable with men being around my son before the age where he understood what was appropriate or not appropriate. Family, friends, school staff, cub leaders - anyone really.

I'm sure not all clergy are paedophiles but I would never let my child be a choirboy either.

It's just not worth the risk.

Men that want to abuse are pretty ruthless in their search for prey.

I've seen it over and over again.

What do you mean these days - paedophilia hasn't just been invented we are just more aware of it now.

As for males working in nurseries my DC's and GDC's have had some very good male nursery teachers. They are prepared to get down to the child's level - floor if necessary to lead the play. Any nappy change etc would be done in an area where all staff are in sight as should be for all staff.
A couple of the men had been the older brothers in large families and we excellent

I wouldn't put my child in a nursery where there were male staff members in the baby room.

I have a dd who has various disabilities and she was non verbal for quite some time, and I didn't have any male caregivers who needed to help with any sort of intimate care for her either.

It's absolutely reasonable to have that stance imo.

What I found more horrible was the attitude towards that DHs brother. Can you get much of a known quantity than a sibling you grew up with and lived nearby all your adult life. Sure, theres a chance, but there's always a chance anywhere.

I do think it's interesting that whenever there's a thread about men doing traditional women's roles they are always sooooo brilliant, everyone's favorite, the best practitioner in the room....A bit like a dad changing a nappy-he's such a brilliant dad!🤣

I suspect they are just the same as women-some better than others, some good, some bad, good at some things, less good at others.....

I do think it's good for children to be aware that men and women can do all the jobs, and I think it's particularly good for boys to see men in caring jobs. But they don't need cheerleaders!

We had one young boy and we still to this day he was ok

Agree. Definitely implying that gay men go to work in nurseries to touch children. Totally unfair.

Thank you for posting. I am being shot down here. Like you said, I wasn’t suggesting for a second that all men are heinous pedophiles. I was just opening up the question, as like you, I just feel slightly uneasy- the personal care especially. It’s really touched a nerve with many Mumsnetters it seems.

But the same applies to women. Of all the jobs that require a certain level of training and a very specific skill set, why would a woman without children / with their own children want to work with lots of small snot bags who pee themselves?

@RocketMalfunctionPending
Fair enough. So when your son is an adult you won't mind him being treated in the same way?

You could have made your point without that last paragraph.

It's MN
There's a definite proportion of the user base who would have men under curfew and not allowed out alone

Yes, you are very unreasonable. I work with children with additional needs and the male staff are amazing!

This! My dd is non verbal also, and I’m happy there is no male workers there. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I also always ask for female doctors etc. for myself. To each their own. The fact that people think it’s wild to have this stance is wild itself, in my opinion. It’s whatever you’re comfortable with.

Exactly.

It's great for children and especially boys to see men in caring roles and to have a diverse range of carers. Some young children won't have a male role model so again really great to have this opportunity at nursery.
There was a male practitioner at my DSs nursery. He was great. Also really understand when I dropped off a distressed 3 year old who'd just realised his penis sometimes went stiff which he found unsettlingly.

You are being more than unreasonable, you are being ridiculous and somewhat offensive. Not all people who harm children are male. Not by a very long way.

Lapsitting? Excuse me?

Why specifically so you feel 'uneasy' about male nursery workers?

Not a recent thing - DD had male staff in her nursery group almost 30 years ago. He was a dad with 2 kids of his own.

The baby room leader at my sons nursery is male, he's been there for years, my eldest went through baby and toddler rooms with him as his key worker.

Genuinely one of the kindest, friendliest and honest people I've ever met. Initially I was shocked by him as you just don't expect men in care settings, however, sitting down with him and going through my eldests routines etc really cemented the setting as the right place for him.

Eldest came with me last week to drop the baby off for his session so we could go to the cinema and have some us time and as we left he said "I miss nursery, I miss Charlie (not his name) he's fun to draw with and plays the best games"

I think after leaving nursery 2 years ago and still having clear memories like that is testament that male role models outside of the family in day to day life are needed more.

I personally wish more men would go into care and education.

Clearly they do, as some people, like the OP, think that they shouldn't even be in the job.

@Itsoneofthose
Ahh i stopped asking questions on mumsnet a long time ago
Its not about having a conversation and get different peoples opinions anymore
Now its attack and insult anything you dont agree with or have a different opinion on
Good luck to you
Follow you instincts always dont be bullied into something you dont agree or feel comfortable with