Male staff in nursery’s

[Itsoneofthose]

Ok, hear me out.. I know this is controversial but today I was shown around a nursery for the first time. I’m dreading leaving my little one, only because I’ll miss her and worry about her. I don’t think my worry is out of proportion or anything like that though. But today I saw two male nursery nurses. Now, I know there are many men who are great with kids, and not all men are a threat to children (obviously) and women can also potentially pose a threat to children but I just don’t know how I feel about male nursery staff. Hmmm. I know I’ll be shot down in flames for this. Nursery’s are well regulated etc etc. I just can’t help feeling a bit uneasy about the whole thing. Has anyone else experienced these thoughts? AIBU

But that should not be restricted to sexual abuse surely...what about other types of abuse. And lets not forget there are examples where women have been involved in child abuse cases (not specifically in childcare but it proves we are capable of it).

Myra Hindley was one of the infamous perpetrators of the Moors Murders in the 1960s, alongside her partner Ian Brady. Together, they abducted, sexually assaulted, and murdered five children between 1963 and 19651.

Fred and Rosemary West's victims were mostly young women and girls aged from 8 to 21. These victims were subjected to horrific abuse before their deaths.

Beverley Allitt: A nurse who was convicted of murdering four newborns, attempting to murder three more, and causing severe bodily harm to six others at a hospital in Lincolnshire. Now she was a nurse and she was DBS checked etc so the system isn't infallible but apparently you should be checking on females too.

Amelia Dyer: A notorious baby farmer who is believed to have killed over 200 infants in the late 19th century.

Mary Bell: Convicted of killing two young boys in 1968 when she was just 11 years old.

Or better still, how about the young underage girls that when pregnant were sent to unmarried mother homes run by nuns and were horribly abused and their babies forcibly taken from them if not worse.

The point I make is that its not just men that have issues.

So you'd be content with people considering your adult son to be a paedophile because he's a man?

Bully for you.

Yes yes it is very well known that women can be violent and sexually abusive to children.
However - this thread is about pre-school settings where men work.

Statistically, it is still more likely that a child will be abused sexually by a man. Pre-school children in child care settings are amongst the most vulnerable. Children under the age of 3 in childcare settings is a relatively new thing and I don't believe it has been adequately risk assessed and therefore change in practice has not gone far enough to keep children as safe as possible.

No-one is saying all adult men are paedophiles.

Please give up this pointless line of enquiry and perhaps focus on how you think children could be safeguarded in pre-schools if a paedophile was to gain access to work there.

It has happened many times in the last 2/3 years alone, and it will happen again.
How would YOU safeguard the very young against it? Especially given that babies are now regularly at pre-schools.

How mature.

You have said in relation to DBS checks solely in relation to men that "It's pretty worthless in terms of a guarantee. There is no guarantee. None."

When it was pointed out that most children who were sexually abused where abused by male family members you said "I can easily control the access male family members have to my own children." Even your own family... and I asked if that included the Father of your child and you said it did.

You are shooting yourself in the foot here

That’s fine - what’s your views on women who need carers for intimate care only wanting female carers

You are consistently twisting what is being said and stonewalling and so I am walking away from the conversation as there is no rationalising with people like you. You frequently contradict yourself and magnify an issue out of all proportion and totally ignore the other valid risks and opportunities in relation to both sex's and equal risk management. Nighty-night.

Glad you 'approve'.🙄

That is exactly what you are saying, and you've spent hours arguing that point here. You're not convincing anyone that doesn't have the same narrow world view that you do.

I don't HAVE to focus on anything. It's not my remit. Or yours for that matter.

I'm with you and do you know what, there is no point playing chess with a pigeon.

And this attitude is what makes men feel they are unable to report when they are abused
Because of this attitude that they can defend themselves . "But you're so big, you could fight them"

News for you - he might not be able to fight someone off if they're bigger than him, he might not realise it's inappropriate until later, it might be more than one, he might be drugged...

This attitude is harmful to him so maybe rethink

Assuming a man in a childcare role is doing something odd and therefore deserves automatic suspicion, is just so...weird.

By this logic I'd suggest that if your husbands said that they wanted children with you, you should probably view them with suspicion too. Because what kind of man would want to be around children..? Get him DBS checked, but remember - that only catches the ones that have already been caught. Better to never leave your kids with their fathers unattended.

It's paranoid and silly. Men can be motivated to work with children for the exact same reasons women are.

My DH was a nursery nurse. He's great with kids. That's why he did it.

And again we continue to ignore the proven fact that women can and do KILL children in their care

Oh but actual proven cases of women committing harm aren't enough evidence

There are so many more than those few you list but it's not PROOF apparently

😒

Well seemingly me and you have the same active imagination, lucky us! 😉
I think on balance I would rather be us, as to live with that level of fear has to be debilitating.

I'd rather focus on all risks and not be so caught up in the sexual abuse side that I ignore DEATH as a risk

Yes and the finger breaker might just find themselves in the doggy doo....

You can defend yourself but that's just aggression. Plus there could be more than one person as well! It's daft thinking!

I wouldn't like it OP. Controversial I know but while not all men are sexual predators, almost all sexual predators are men. Why take the risk with the most precious and vulnerable thing in your life?

One of my childhood friends moved to a small town in Sweden. Luckily her children were older or they would have been in said daycare. Sweden is known to be very progressive so male nursery workers aren't rare... I think they have a lot to think about re riskassessment...
https://sverigesradio.se/artikel/pre-school-sexual-abuse-scandal-an-alarm-call-for-municipalities

So I presume you would also demand details of all checks, training and safeguarding courses attended by all female childcare staff before even considering beginning to trust them?

A lot of this thread is reminding me of the 'arguments' that were made by those who were incredulous at the very notion of giving women the vote:

"But...... you know..... obviously, they're women! Why on earth would they understand or even want to get involved in men's stuff? I'd really question the motives of any woman who thought that remotely appropriate - especially as we all know how hysterical and irrational women are compared to us sensible, stable, wise men!"

Is it only sexual abuse of children that you're bothered about? Are the risks of all other deliberate harms that could be perpetrated against children acceptable or no big deal?

Would you also refuse to consider using a nursery that had an employee originating from Somalia - because a very disproportionately high percentage of the tiny minority of people in the world who are pirates come from that country, so it's just not worth taking the risk, as 'they're highly likely to try to kidnap your child and hold you to ransom for their safe return'?

Most observant post from you throughout this,🤣😉😘

I had a male midwife with my second!