Nobody fed the baby.

[shaylla]

I need a bit of perspective from others point of view here please.

A 13 month old - given breakfast at 7.30, then instead of his normal lunch is only given half an eggs worth of scrambled egg at lunch time. No water or milk all day then till 5 when another adult returns home and finds out (and feeds baby immediately). The adult/s in charge of the baby all day 'didn't realise' ... ??

This is neglect yes?

I would of been annoyed about the drink. The food not so much but they wouldn't be looking after my kid again which is probably what they wanted

@shaylla - I would say this is neglect.

You say the adult looking after this 13mth old simply forgot but I have a few questions that you may (or may not) know the answer to.

• Did the adult have drinks for themselves (tea/coffee/water/other) during the day?
• Was the adult either watching movies during the day or playing online computer games on a console?

The comment about offering the child scrambled egg at lunch and then not offering anything else, that to me, has more than a hint and whiff of "well you didn't eat that, so you're not getting anything else" about it.

I don't know what the mother in this situation can do, going forwards, if the other adult (and I'm also assuming that it's the father here) cannot or will not look after the child properly when the mother isn't around.

This needs context. It's a mistake not to provide it. Reads like OP is either one of baby's usual caregivers or GM.

If OP is maternal DGM and this is a useless DF who's taken his kid round to his parents or some other female relative on a contact day so he doesn't have to do anything, it's a bigger problem than if it's inexperienced, non-usual cousins who've been roped in for a one off like a moving day and don't need to be asked again. It does all sound rather chaotic, and like no one adult was responsible for the baby.

I’m usually a lurker not a poster but this one got me.

This is stupidity, the person in charge chose to forget or couldn’t be bothered by the sounds of it. Definitely neglect.

Poor little baby.

Two things me think it wasn't a deliberate choice. One, the baby got changed. Most people would find changing nappies more of a chore than filling a cup with water. Two, they came out and admitted baby hadn't had a drink. That reads like someone who genuinely hadn't thought of it, not someone who knew what they ought to do and CBA. Would've been easy enough to say yes he had water with lunch and some more at half three.

What age where the adults in the house? Just wondering if they're teenagers, as sometimes drinking and eating regular meals isn't on their radar. Obviously it's still neglect, but in this case may not be intended. Either way, you and Mum know they can't be relied on in the future and 13 month can't be left with them.

Whoever was left in charge of the baby shouldn't have been, clearly, but as a one off and for a few hours it's not a big deal either.
The amount of food given was ok and could be balanced out with the evening meal.

I would have been more annoyed at myself for leaving my 1 yo with someone who is clearly clueless about babies and unreliable with instructions...

I wouldn’t say it’s neglect in the legal sense. It’s only for a few hours. And it appears the baby was generally well cared for. And they ‘forgot’ to give a drink, rather than didn’t realise it needed one or deliberately not give it. Context is missing but maybe a mix up and one person thought the other had given milk.

But the main person left to care for the baby has been neglectful of its needs by not offering a drink. The baby was offered food but refused to eat all of it. So, someone DID feed the baby. Just not the specific food the mum left.

If the carer was the dad and PILs, he needs to look after his own child more, so he understands its needs and learns to be responsible. This shouldn’t be a reason to never leave the baby with him again (which he may be quite happy with). Unless there’s serious danger, neglectful parents need support to learn how to take responsibility for meeting their baby’s needs.

But TBF there could be important context missing, such as (menopausal - forgetful) MIL took over and said ‘leave it to me’, then forgot the drink and offered her own food the baby refused, then made an egg. But if the dad was there, it’s his responsibility to look after his own child. He shouldn’t be leaving to others without checking.

Also depends on context of how the carers feel. If they feel terrible and apologetic, it’s disappointing, but not something to have a huge family fall out over. If they’re doubling down and brushing off the lack of drink and not using the food left by the mum, a serious chat needs to be had before they look after the baby again.

I have a 13MO - she’s not a huge eater and frankly wouldn’t have eaten much more than that but she is always offered a mid morning snack or two, lunch, afternoon snack and dinner at around 4.30/5 plus water through the day and extra milk if she hasn’t eaten much. You can’t force them to eat but it’s incredibly neglectful not to offer anything - I bet they remembered their own food & drink!

Poor little baby.

There really is no excuse. If I was looking after someone's baby, I'd offer it drinks probably every hour, and if they didn't eat much lunch, I'd offer snacks like a bit of mashed-up banana and milk. I would instinctively offer food and drink, working on the logic that they can always refuse it and it's better for it to be offered and not needed than the other way round. It's important that babies don't get dehydrated. AND I'M NOT EVEN A MUM! And I've never taken care of a baby in my life, but even I know that they must be kept fed and watered. How can ANYONE not offer food and drink to a baby regularly throughout the day????

Why do you assume it's a man?

You can change that by clicking on the results chart.

Doesn’t sound great but from your updates they were offered a lunch at midday, didn’t eat it so offered scrambled eggs & ate half.
Ideally they should have been given a snack and had water/milk out.
Mum came home and then fed them at 5pm. Just sounds like an oversight rather than neglect. Not a great one but no real harm done/something to learn from or use different babysitters next time.

You sound like your looking to be angry rather actually being concerned as your OP just sounds like they aren’t fed/watered all day.

You can change your 'vote' just click on the opposite button I think it only works if you haven't left the thread yet (so you can't go back in and then try to change it). I only found this out recently!

Suspect some men are like this. Nothing to do with babies! My late DH forgot to make me lunch when I was on crutches (operation on foot). He brought in his own and I said 'where's mine?' because obviously not hopping round the kitchen with plates. I ate his. He made some more. Never forgot again and used to make lunch, dinner etc when I worked from home (both retired, I was marking exams).
Some learn. Some are useless forever.

Could the baby be a fussy eater with them but not for their mum?

Hopefully the mum read them the riot act and the child will not be left alone with them again now their incompetence has been exposed.

It was a one off, doesn't sound as if it was intentional, if you are not the mum not sure what your skin in the game is?

If you have your own baby I would take note and not leave them with these people.

Did the adult in charge of the baby have food or drink? If they didn't then perhaps they are incredibly dim and thought the child didn't need to either?

If they had drinks and a meal or snacks then they were cruel to the baby.

I didn't intend to drip feed or mislead or seek to push for specific answers like 'report it'. I'd only just found out about what happened from DD and I posted in the same way i speak; give an overview first rather than a massive monologue with info which then elicits tons of talk about the dynamics of the adults.

The title - well i've just been ranting a bit to DH saying ''No body bloody fed the baby!''. So i just called it that.

I've been on MN long enough to realise this wouldn't be a simple thing to ask (it's a bit like being in a court law sometimes!) i can understand the want to know more detail. That's my fault. I also know this is going to run and run based on only my OP! But hay ho.

So for anyone still reading i'm the mum of the mum)(i have 4 DCs, youngest is still primary age, baby's mum is late 20s so is the father) I look after the baby at mine one day a week while DD works from home. Recently DD has started going into work one day a week and on that day baby is left at home with the father. She's a wonderful mum who leaves all the food and equip ready to use for baby. The father has recruited his parents to pop in and share the care because ... to be sure, i don't even know - he finds it a lot on his own or something (trying not to eyeroll)

When DD got home she found the baby grumpy, hungry, the sippy cup empty and unused all day and asked the father what had gone on and he gave the details of his parents trying to give the baby something DD had not meant for him to have, then making a scrambled egg (also not what baby usually has) baby accepting a bit of the egg at 12 and admitting that nothing else was given after that.

That's all i know. I'm angry.

Thought about it in the night and I'm going to offer to have the baby for the day on DDs work day as well now, because i, like many others here, just don't understand how this has happened and it can't happen again. I can't control the actions of 3 adults unrelated to me in another house when my DD has gone out, so i think i'll just gently offer to have baby for another day a week.

My DD eats very little and only certain thing, starting to think she has AFRID but its not 'neglectful' she has always been like this. She doesn't cry for food (13 month old don't scream for food, its not a baby. They are usually mobile and/or talking enough for basic communication being able to alert attention and point or ask). She will ask when she wants something but she can go long period (5 hours after a lunch of a few bites is not unusual) refusing anything offered and often when she does eat she has 1 or 5 bites then insists shes done. Despite this she is a completely healthy size and weight (even if the same biscuits are the only thing we consistently can get in her on a daily basis) and Drs aren't worried.

I ate very little as a child too wasn't neglect, my mam was deeply embarrassed by the fact I was severely underweight and didn't eat normal. Turns out I had intolerance that weren't really understood back then (DS has the same but he will hover up anything even if it makes him sick, got to watch him like a hawk) and I was heavily monitored by Drs all my life.

It can be so much more complicated than 'abuse' and pretty ignorant to default to 'thats not what I did, so they should lose their kids'.

That is absolutely ridiculous. So 3 adults between them including a parent couldn’t manage to provide basic care for one child for one day? What a bunch of fucking useless lazy bastards

So the baby was fed? I don't think that's neglect at all to be honest.
Babies will often to be fussy with food and drink when with new caregivers. Biggest issue here is baby's dad - why is he so useless that he can't feed his own child and your DD has to prep everything for him? She should LTB.

@ThatsNotMyTeen That is absolutely ridiculous. So 3 adults between them including a parent couldn’t manage to provide basic care for one child for one day? What a bunch of fucking useless lazy bastards

Yep. That's about where i am on this too.

Kindly meant —- There’s no use in this thread being useful to you if it doesn’t safeguard the baby.
Lack of fluids is hugely dangerous, especially as this may not be a one off event. your DD needs to sort out the idiot father immediately and the baby would be better off in a nursery than in his care.