Nobody fed the baby.

[shaylla]

I need a bit of perspective from others point of view here please.

A 13 month old - given breakfast at 7.30, then instead of his normal lunch is only given half an eggs worth of scrambled egg at lunch time. No water or milk all day then till 5 when another adult returns home and finds out (and feeds baby immediately). The adult/s in charge of the baby all day 'didn't realise' ... ??

This is neglect yes?

@mummy3456 I agree. I assumed baby had been left with babysitters away from home but from the updates it seems they were at home with other relatives who were busy and didn’t pay them much attention.

If mum was present in the morning, gave a good breakfast and left lunch things ready then fed the child as soon as they found out they hadn’t had a proper lunch then l don’t see this as neglect, and there is no need to report.

I think the whole thread has been a huge drip feed with OP giving misleading information then correcting it in response to queries. She also said she was looking for perspective on how angry to be. I think that’s weird, and it leads me to believe that OP is looking for a reason to report. There’s no ongoing neglect if baby is happy and healthy, and OP has admitted this has never happened before. So what’s the problem ? All sounds very judgemental and possibly malicious.

Read the updates. It’s a one off. From the mothers’ actions there’s no ongoing neglect. OP says the baby is happy and healthy and this hasn’t happened never happened before.

One occasion. A one off. Baby had been fed a good breakfast by mum, who left lunch ready but wasn’t there to give it. Baby was fed by mum as soon as they found out what had happened. No ongoing neglect, happy and healthy baby and at least one clearly responsible and attentive parent. Why on earth would you think social services would be interested ? OP has given scant information on the actual circumstance, and l suspect it’s very different to the impression she’s built up after a massive drip feed.

Your continuous drip feed after your original message suggests you're being deliberately vague or misleading to illicit a particular response.

Baby wasn't given half an eggs worth of scrambled egg for lunch. Baby was offered and refused lunch (you've not said what), then offered and ate half an alternative lunch (a whole scrambled egg).

This is more than most nurseries would provide for babies who refuse food, which is very common, usually you're just advised at pickup 'BabySnake didn't any/eat much of his lunch today it was cottage pie and peas.' Gosh, when BabySnake first started nursery she went on hunger strike and only ate breakfast and dinner for about 6 weeks!

If the carers didn't offer any fluids all day (that includes leaving a sippy cup in reach) that would give me cause for concern and I would be questioning using this childcare again but the way you have approached this post suggests you're not being entirely transparent.

You clearly haven't seen how many primary age kids take a full bottle of water to school and take the same full bottle home again with barely a drop drunk!!!

Can't edit the my last post but even the title is misleading. Nobody fed the baby - actually, somebody attempted to feed the baby twice but baby refused the first time and ate little the second time. This isn't uncommon for babies being cared for by new people.

I'm not suggesting mum should be comfortable using this childcare again (the fluids and not using the food that was supplied), but given the extra detail provided, to suggest anyone should be reported is ridiculous.

But he was offered other food and just didn’t eat it.

No, this isn’t neglect. Why are you so hung up on this?

The OP has been fairly clear in her posts that the issue is not social services, but how upset they should be at this treatment of the baby.

This is not a social services job clearly because this child is not at risk unless the mother has to leave the baby with these fuckwits on a regular basis.

On the other hand, I would be very, very angry. The baby should have been given the prepared food and offered regular drinks. The carers weren't doing any "caring". Either they didn't care about the baby's needs or they thought they knew better and were "punishing" the baby for refusing the offered food. It takes a high degree of selfishness not to think "You know what, I'm thirsty, the baby might be too". I offer my DC a drink whenever I make myself one unless they've had one recently.

Oh get over yourself, she's posted on a public forum asking aibu and withheld the most important bit of information needed to answer this

The food isn't so much an issue imo. They had breakfast and tea with a small lunch.

But the not being offered a drink all day is awful though.

It sounds like there were multiple adults in the home but not one who is actually designated with looking after the child. And that’s how you have issues - everyone assumes someone else will do it, it’s not my responsibility, etc.

So the person who is actually at fault here is the parent for failing to ask one specific person to ensure that the baby was looked after.

I'm amazed that have to ask.
Obviously it's neglect.
That poor baby must have been so hungry and thirsty.
Did they change the baby's nappy..? Or was that ignored all day as well...

Or they were inexperienced caring for a 13 month old.

And this is the key missing information. OP hasn't provided any detail on who the carers were in relation to the baby other than blood relatives. We don't know if they're elder siblings, inexperienced aunties, elderly grandparents, etc.

If the carers were deliberately punishing the baby for refusing their food then that's clearly awful behaviour, but that seems a much less likely scenario than someone who doesn't spend a lot of time looking after very small children.

This is mind boggling OP.
I am more worried about the lack of fluids. Not even a milk bottle?
I am also rather surprised that the baby did not scream the house down too.

There is no damn excuse. I would never ever leave my children with these people, ever.

OP - you cannot trust these people with a small child! No water all day is absolutely horrendous. Never leave a child with them again!

You say the mum was baffled at the adult/s’ behaviour . Is this a grandparent ? Are there concerns about forgetfulness ?

You can change your vote. Merely click on the option you wanted and it changes

From the title then it sounds neglectful, but reading the updates then not at all!
Sounds like the child had a good breakfast, so much in that they didn't want their lunch despite being offered and then ate well when given their tea. I don't see this as neglectful.
Yes maybe a cup could have been made available with water (not sure if it was as based on the drip feeds of the OP it's quite possible one was left out) but one of my children was never great at drinking so this would have been no different to them not having anything til a milk at bedtime (after tea).
Sounds like the OP is stirring.

I'm also surprised that the baby didn't scream the house down. It suggests that they weren't actually hungry.

With respect to the fluids, at this age my DC was breastfed, in nursery during the day and refused to take a bottle/cup - and one was regularly offered. So they would easily go this length of time without fluids. They simply breastfed more when they were with me. So I don't see that lack of fluids on a non hot day as necessarily being a problem.

If they were inexperienced caring for a baby, they should have given the food that the mother left and not done their own thing.

Food left, ignored, and different food being offered instead is classic MIL territory. If your friend is using in-laws for childcare, either find something else or have the DH sit them down and have a clear talk with them (yes, they’re doing the family a massive favour but not of basic needs aren’t met). If he’s not able to talk to his parents like a grownup, you’re left with plan A.

Then they are negligent fuckwits. Why on earth didn't they give the food that was left ready for the baby? Was this the first time these people have looked after the baby on their own?

I'm guessing that it's your daughter's baby and the baby was left with the dad and maybe a new girlfriend or his mum.

Are the people caring for the child elderly . It is possible they have cognitive impairment if they are saying they forgot. I would find better carers if the situation does not improve.

That would have been the logical aporoach from the start but inexperience could lead someone to think 'well we're all having ham sandwiches for lunch, instead of heating up these leftovers for baby, why don't we make some extra ham sandwiches and we can all eat together. Oh, she doesn't seem to be hungry, let's see if she'll eat a bit of scrambled egg instead.'

Obviously very unfortunate and sad for the baby. That said, I am no expert but I would imagine that legally neglect would require persistent omissions to meet the baby's needs rather than a one-off scenario. And I may be wrong but I would guess that repeated omissions over the course of one day probably would not meet the threshold. I suppose the thing to consider as others have mentioned is whether there are other warning signs that this is not the first instance of this