Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nobody fed the baby.

368 replies

shaylla · 07/01/2025 21:41

I need a bit of perspective from others point of view here please.

A 13 month old - given breakfast at 7.30, then instead of his normal lunch is only given half an eggs worth of scrambled egg at lunch time. No water or milk all day then till 5 when another adult returns home and finds out (and feeds baby immediately). The adult/s in charge of the baby all day 'didn't realise' ... ??

This is neglect yes?

OP posts:
BunfightBetty · 08/01/2025 00:49

Poor child would have been so hungry and thirsty. Report needed.

MrsSunshine2b · 08/01/2025 00:50

Ghosttofu99 · 07/01/2025 23:03

If the baby refused drinks for the entire day the parents should have been contacted for guidance or to come and give fluids. You don’t say ‘oh well the baby didn’t want it so it doesn’t matter.’ It wouldn’t be acceptable in a professional childcare setting so why should it be accepted from relatives?!

If the baby was sent with food it would happily eat and was instead given food it didn’t want to try. It’s a baby! Babies have no clue about how refusing to eat half an egg will affect their hunger. The adults should have offered the food provided for the baby when they realised that their attempt to give what they thought was best didn’t work.

Show quote history

Nurseries don't do that. They just let you know at pick up, "She still is refusing water during the day I'm afraid, we do encourage her to have a sip but she's not interested." And the same with food, "She only had a few bites of lunch today, does she ever have spaghetti at home?"

DD's nursery did find out that she would not touch even a mouthful of soup so they did start offering her a sandwich if lunch was soup, but that was after a few attempts at offering her soup, and only because she refused to even taste it.

caringcarer · 08/01/2025 00:54

Very neglectful not to give a baby fluids especially since 7.30am. Blood relatives neglected the baby. They should never be trusted to care for that poor little baby again.

Rightsraptor · 08/01/2025 01:23

Sounds like my exH. He didn't realise babies needed food, apparently.

WendyA22 · 08/01/2025 01:48

If you were there,why didn't you offer a drink or a snack?

MomGran · 08/01/2025 02:30

How do you know for a fact that the baby was not fed?

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 08/01/2025 02:35

Sounds like a teenager has been left in charge and has spent the day gaming. However, my 11 year old would not have neglected a baby’s basic needs.

Imisschampagne · 08/01/2025 02:41

Very vague story. But all in all - of course it’s neglectful to not offer a 13 month old any fluids in the course of several hours. This is non debatable and I’m quite surprised that some people here do not see this as a problem.

baby should not be left in the care of this person / these people again, as they a) didn’t follow the instructions left to them b) don’t seem to have any interest and empathy in caring for a baby and/or c)have probably let the baby cry … I don’t believe for a second a 13 month old wouldn’t have complained about thirst in some way or the other. So ignoring this comes on top of that.

PinkyFlamingo · 08/01/2025 03:03

Why are you refusing to say who this adult was?

Candy24 · 08/01/2025 03:06

PinkyFlamingo · 08/01/2025 03:03

Why are you refusing to say who this adult was?

As its none of her judgy business

User37482 · 08/01/2025 04:25

Really neglectful to not even offer any milk or water. Poor thing must have been really thirsty, why did they not offer the food that was left? I’d be more paranoid with a child that wasn’t my own DC that they were at minimum fed and watered.

Wildwalksinjanuary · 08/01/2025 04:51

Yes of course it’s neglect! 100% I would be calling social services. It’s the most basic of care

Fundays12 · 08/01/2025 05:03

Goodness it's absolutely neglect. That poor baby must have been so hungry and thirsty. These "adults" are not able to care for the baby. I have 3 kids (one with very significant complex additional support needs) and my kids have never not been fed or given drinks regardless of Joe many comings and goings there are in my house

LSTMS30555 · 08/01/2025 05:25

Scrambled eggs are usually made with milk/water added so I'm sure if the baby was that hungry or thirsty they'd of polished off the eggs.
Can't believe people think this is neglect ffs get a grip.

Zanatdy · 08/01/2025 05:43

It’s not great, but maybe the adult thought he wasn’t hungry / not feeling great as he didn’t eat the lunch he was given. Do they normally care for the baby? Was this their first time? I don’t think it’s massive neglect, but sounds like miscommunication / someone not used to babies routine. The lack of a drink was very poor. I’d personally be paying for childcare and not using grandparents / the husband (which i’m assuming it was one of)

RedHelenB · 08/01/2025 05:44

GreyBlackBay · 07/01/2025 21:51

If the child wasn't screaming blue murder it is probably used to this treatment. Report.

This.

Waterweight · 08/01/2025 05:46

Yes & no

The baby SHOULD HAVE BEEN FED but obviously mistakes happen & this might be the only time it happens so it would depend on who was responsible & wether it happens constantly

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 08/01/2025 05:55

If they had a decent sized breakfast and got a meal at 5 then food wise it’s not too bad as they did have lunch. I would have given more for lunch but it wouldn’t necessarily get eaten so half the scrambled egg might have been enough.

they should have been given drinks though. Were they not given any with lunch?

JustMyView13 · 08/01/2025 06:01

Poor baby!
I don’t have any children myself and even I know a baby needs more than this. The schedule and the prepped food sounds really easy and convenient to follow. I’d just set alarms for the food times, follow it and note what was eaten and refused. It’s not that hard imo, just common sense.
It seems like the caregiver either didn’t care, or thought they knew better than mum.

Rosscameasdoody · 08/01/2025 06:10

verdantverdure · 07/01/2025 22:12

No liquids and 40 calories all day.

Show quote history

No, OP clearly said the baby had breakfast. Sounds to me as though the baby was taken somewhere where people were busy - OP said there was a lot of coming and going. If there were several adults present and they’re not used to looking after a baby, that’s probably why it’s happened. OP also said the baby was well fed later, which suggests the baby was collected by the parents. It sounds very much like a one off. I can understand an OP not wanting to out themselves, but none of her posts have really clarified the circumstances, so people are going to be frothing long after she’s left the thread.

Goldbar · 08/01/2025 06:10

For everyone saying this is fine, these adults should be made to go without fluids and only a bit of egg for 10 hours and let's see how they like it.

I don't understand how some people can eat and drink themselves and not think of the needs of the tiny child they're looking after. My DC at that age would have been climbing into my lap to look at my food or try to take a sip of my drink, so would have been hard to ignore.

It smacks of a very selfish "I look after me and everyone else sorts themselves out" mentality. Sort of people who make themselves a cup of tea but never ask others if they'd like one, only taken to extremes here with this poor baby. Some people just don't care, and that makes them incapable of "caring".

mummy3456 · 08/01/2025 06:13

I might be wrong but it sounds like one of those chaotic day situations, moving house, emptying house for sale etc, grandma's arrived with 5 relatives and everyone thinks someone else is doing something. One day of that is not neglect IMO.

Mums not home ( unsure about dad) and a list was left. Baby had proper breakfast and minimal lunch and then proper dinner at 5. I'd be a bit peeved that they weren't given a bottle of water to wander about with but wouldn't think of it much. I wouldn't be rushing to leave my baby with whoever these people were again, but no I wouldn't be reporting anybody to anyone.

Magnoliafarm · 08/01/2025 06:20

At 13 months my baby wouldn't eat much every day but he was a milk machine! Aiming baby will have had 1-2 naps with no milk before hand or on waking... Did they not scream blue murder until milk was presented to them??? My baby could also sign for milk and I think that was one of his first words too. So he would just be croaking "mil, mil, mil," or "bohoh bohoh bohoh"

Twiglets1 · 08/01/2025 06:32

Of course it’s neglect. Think of all the moments in the day the adult made themselves a hot or cold drink. And they never thought to offer the toddler a drink too?

User860131 · 08/01/2025 06:32

don't want to give details of who everyone is because i wanted pure gut reactions just to the lack of food. I'm sorry if it's frustrating

You're being ridiculous OP and as a result nobody can really give well-informed advice. Yes all babies should be fed but of course context matters

Scenario 1; Baby is regularly left in the care of a deadbeat dad/clueless relative. They have been constantly reminded to offer baby milk/water regularly. Mum has told them time and time again what food baby likes and even made up a lunch for them to give baby but they didn't give baby this. Mum is regularly coming home to a distressed baby who's hungry/thirsty. Baby is dirty/has nappy rash/doesn't seem to have been played with all day either. Mum shrugs when you question it coz 'what can you do eh?'

Scenario 2; Single mum had to rush to hospital because grandma broke her hip. She left her hapless 17 and 19 year olds in charge of baby. She hasn't done this much before but it was chaos this morning due to the emergency and she assumed they'd know the basics. She came home and 17 year old had been playing games all day and 19 year old had been on the phone to friends all day. Baby was safe but it was obvious neither teen had done a lot. Mum is livid, tears the teens a new one, vows never to leave them with her teens again, promptly feeds baby as much as they want to eat and drink and offers baby cuddle and play.

Scenario 1 I would probably report to ss as it's chronic and likely to lead to sustained harm of baby. Scenario 2 isn't ideal but is unlikely to have done baby any long lasting harm and mum is just as horrified as you are so it likely won't happen again. Social services probably wouldn't be interested. You need to give at least some indication which scenario is the closest to this baby's otherwise people can get on their high horse all they like but they can't really advise you in good faith.

Swipe left for the next trending thread