Father in Law 80+ naughty boy

[WhatDidIjustHearr]

This is not really an AIBU but felt like a good place to post.

Staying at my in laws at the moment with the kids. Mother in law and DH went out and I’m working from home. Father in law is also at home.

I’m upstairs and he is in study downstairs. Suddenly I hear a woman’s voice - it sounds like she is in distress or sort of semi screaming in pain. Well the first few seconds I thought that’s what I was hearing as thought he must be watching some crime / drama or something… but he was clearly watching porn.

I think he is rather deaf, it was rather loud. He did turn it down a bit but the change of volume was like someone who is screaming is now just shouting.

I don’t judge anyone for watching porn but I actually had a physical reaction to that and feel somewhat sick.

He, I assume, clearly didn’t think I can hear it. Or did he forget I was here?

But he didn’t, is your imagination usually this odd?

They do if its purposeful, known of, ongoing and unchanging.

This example is nothing to do with what you keep talking about.

I work in this area.

Thanks for all the responses. I reread my posts - sorry for all the typos and some strange sentences due to auto correct.

Still haven’t decided if I tell DH. It doesn’t happen often that I’m alone with FIL in the house so seems better if I spare DH of the visual of his father.

You’re really making a mountain out of a molehill here unless there’s a huge back story. The conversation would literally just be ‘you’ll never guess what happened today! Your dad was watching porn with the volume really loud. Oh my god, can you believe it!!’

@ShiteRider the opposite. Does DH need to know? Would I prefer not have that information if it was my father and my DH heard that?

Also does MIL know and if not would it cause issues for them, should DH end up telling her?

I wouldn't tell him. What would you achieve other than him feeling mortified and awkward. Just forget it.

All the threads on MN ‘they were supposed to stay with us for a limited amount of time but they’re still here. How do we get them to leave?’ Seems like loud porn could be the answer…

If your FIL knew you were in the house and did this I think you should tell your husband.

I would casually mention it. “So … I heard your dad blah blah blah blah” and take it from there.

Men will always masturbate in private - even if their family is around.

Why on earth would your DH tell his mother his father was watching porn when you are not even sure he was watching it and there is no way you can be sure

And anyway even if he was how do you not know that she already knows about it and even watches it herself sometimes with him….stranger things have happened, I presume they have been married a very long time after all so she must know him pretty well

I'd tell my dh for sure

Tell him I would

She probably knows he watches porn. I had a thought maybe he did know you was upstairs and was thinking of you while he was watching porn 😱

I don't keep secrets from my husband so I'd tell him either way but if FIL knew you were in the house I'd definitely tell him.

Don't spook her 😂

I think it is important your husband does know.

I'm all for giving the benefit of the doubt but never in cases where there is pornographic or sexually explicit involvement.

If FIL truly did know you were in the house and nothing gets done about it, it's permission for him to do it again and again because nobody dare challenge him.

You are someone's daughter. If this were your daughter in your shoes, would you not want to take every possible precaution?

At best FIL didn't know you were in, but if he can find porn on the PC he can plug in an aux headset so nobody else has to hear it even though he is hard of hearing and should be taking every possible step to minimise the impact of his porn on others, at worst he knew you were in and knew he was making you uncomfortable. It doesn't matter which scenario it was. You were trembling with fear because that is the genuine natural response to being sexually exposed to when you have not consented.

Please, tell your husband.

What's wrong with that? Seriously, he's a creep.

You need to tell your DH.

Partly because you want to ensure you and your DC aren't left alone in the house with him going forwards (have your DC been left with him alone before?)

Also, pushing sexual/moral boundaries in old age like this can be an indication of mental decline/dementia, has your FIL been exhibiting any other symptoms?

Maybe your mother in law watches porn with your father in law? I don't see any point in telling your husband, although he will probably find it funny.

The ‘naughty boy’ and you shaking is slightly unusual.

@FloralCrown he has actually been changing. His mother also had dementia in old age.
It also felt so out of character for him, which probably contributed to my body reacting so strongly; e.g. the FIL I know, I just can’t see how he wouldn’t have not know that I didn’t leave with them. He knew I’m working so wouldn’t be able to leave. He possibly genuinely didn’t think I could hear anything but it was soooooo loud, again the FIL I know I can’t see how he wouldn’t click I would definitely hear it, even if his hearing is deteriorating. I never heard the TV so loud and he does have that on as well.

I still wouldn't tell DH whats the point? I wouldn't want to know if DH had heard my dad doing that.
It's not like he can do anything about it so wht say anything.

Sorry I meant the husband not the FIL feelings.

Me too 🤣🤣

So you think he may have dementia but you also don’t think he could have forgotten you’d not gone out? Ummm 🤣