Alcohol,police,social services

[Elewina]

Hi all i really hope youre well and that you could help me. I'm not proud at all of what I've done, embarased heartbroken and dissapointed with myself
Saturday I was anoyed
with my partner as we going through hard times and he wasn't talking nicely about me to his friend over the phone and i could hear all that. I was still toxicated from friday night we've stayed up till morning. I was so angry at him that and we've started the argument. He didn't do anything bad at all. I don't know why I've rang 999 ,however i hang up. They turned up anyway and before that he took our 3 yo to neighbours so police couldnt see me in that state having a Child at home. But I was trying to take her back home but he wouldnt let me. I've made a scene on the estate was screaming and hit my partner and back home. Police turned in and I told them that I've accidentaly rang them. Anyway they wasn't rushing to leave and was looking around. Long story short I've been arrested for an assault and criminal damage(his phone which he smashed himself) he was begging them to not arrest me but theyve had to after speaking to there's boss. I was discharged after 10hours and now social services will be involved. Monday's gone and didn't hear anything. I'm so nervous what will happening next.
When will they contact me and what can happen?
My child is well looked after. Shes my everything. Nursery can't stop complementing her. No issues with her development either.shes always happy to see me or her dad when colecting her.
Whats the procedure? How often will they visit us. How long will they stay with us for? Will they test for alcohol? I won't touch alcohol ever again as lessons learned(i know too little too late) however i did like my beer in the past and it was quite regular at night time.
I've never been that scared in my life.
Please any help/advise will be appreciated

I get that, yes what has been done is wrong I 100% agree with everyone.

but this lady is clearly remorseful and knows she’s fucked up big time.

There is just no need for the harsh comments and the nastiness towards OP as I can imagine reading all these are making her feel even worse when she’s realised she’s fucked up. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Were you drunk when you wrote this post, OP? Sorry to say, it comes across as very garbled, although I appreciate emotional stress can also do that. I'm just wondering whether you have an alcohol problem you need to address?

I'm glad you called the police, sounds like social services need to be involved. Quit drinking completely forever. I'm pleased your daughter has your partner in her life to protect her from your behaviour.

I don't think you will lose your child over this one incident, but she might be considered at risk - she certainly was while you were drunk and fighting. It's how you react to this that will make the difference.

In my family, we have an adopted now 20-year-old, I'll call her Maya, who was taken away from her mother at 1. The mother claimed that this child was her everything, that she adored her, lived for her etc etc. However, she never engaged with any of the support she was given. By the time they took Maya off her, the damage was done. The foster parents said they have never seen such a neglected child. Various traumatic things happened to her that she couldn't process because she didn't have the language to do this when they happened to her. She's now damaged and chaotic and almost impossible to help. As a family, we are struggling to help her find a stable future. Her birth mother, meanwhile, keeps posting on social media that she loves Maya 'to bits.' 'To bits' pretty much sums it up.

Words are easy. It's actions that count.

Given OPs username I think it’s quite likely English may not be her first language. I wouldn’t say it sounds garbled.

As I know from the adopted child in my family, words of love and remorse don't always translate into action. The words are easy, putting things right is tougher.

The OP needs to hear the criticism and needs to know that what happened was 100% unacceptable. I'm very sceptical it was a one-off. If an inexperienced drinker drank so much they were still drunk the next day, they'd be too ill do do anything, never mind get into a fight.

Take the criticism. Learn from it. Act on it.

You are not looking after your child well at all.
Staying up all night drinking then still being drunk the next day is not being a good mum .you need help and try putting your child first before getting drunk.
You should be investigated. I'm sure the behaviour your child sees is awful on a regular basis.
People who drink to excess like you never remember how they behave or treat people

This

Please listen @Elewina

Can’t be bothered to quote people but, anyone trying to say don’t be harsh she’s remorseful… or that child was not in danger. Are you serious? Are you okay in the head? Do you understand how many children are abused, neglected, or even killed by drunk, out-of-control parents? Are you not watching the news, how many kids are trapped in domestic violence situations?

When authorities fail to act, everyone is quick to criticize them. But now, when they take action, you’re saying, “Oh, but she’s remorseful, so go easy on her.” Remorse doesn’t undo the damage. It doesn’t erase the fear, the trauma, or the scars this child will carry.

Imagine this horror situation - screaming, shouting, doors smashed, phone smashed, and a mad run to a neighbor for safety. Can you even imagine the sheer terror of that moment? It’s horrifying for an adult, let alone a small, helpless child. Don’t try to defend the indefensible.

OP, you need to sort yourself out. This is wrong on so many levels. Work with Social Services and get the help you need for your drinking problem there is not much else to say on this situation.

Wonder if the people minimising this would be doing the same thing if she was a man.

We all know that if this post had been from a woman who’s husband had been drinking all night, hit her and she had run to the neighbour with her daughter before the coppers showed up, not one person would be giving it “he’s clearly remorseful”. 🙃

Of course they wouldn’t, but this is mumsnet where women can do no wrong.

You’re having a rough time op. I think the best option is working with social services,I had them involved 15 years ago due to previous issues my ex had with his other kids, I had no idea he even had children. I had to work with them ( it was hard I won’t lie) get rid of him and they went. I’d work with them, stop drinking completely and prove that your little one is cared for ( I’m sure she is) good luck

Drives me mad. The double standards are shocking at times.

There are no double standards. People think Social Services will sanction poor parenting , they do not. When women post complaining their children going on contact visits to their dad are left dirty and fed junk food, I always say if anyone brings it up, that Social Services will not be interested.

Nobody, including the OP is claiming what she did was good parenting. It was not. But if she has been honest here, the most that will happen is Social Services will monitor her for a bit to see if there are other issues. Or they may do nothing.

I am one of those who has commented only on the question OP asked i.e. about Social Services. Whether this relationship should continue is a totally different issue.
One thing I would want to understand more is why the OP originally rang 999.

You can't stay up all night getting drunk when you're caring for a three year old! If you really were up that long I'm imagining coke or other stimulants as well?
You need to sort it out. You simply cannot be in that condition when you have your child.
The row with your partner needs to be addressed but you're both adults. One of you should've walked away. The child can't just choose to walk away and go somewhere else can they?

I was referring to the posters commenting that it was clear she was sorry etc.

I stand by my point that if she was posting here about how her husband got drunk, hit her and she felt the need to run to a neighbour with her 3 year old, she’d be advised to leave him immediately.

Yet people are being asked by other posters not to be harsh on her. Come on. Have you ever seen a woman being told not to be harsh on her drunk, violent husband?

@BobbyBiscuits No one thinks OP behaved well.
But when younger I was up all night partying just drinking alcohol. I have never taken a stimulant in my life apart from coffee.
And if the father was not drunk, there was an adult who was sober and taking care of the child.

Exactly!!!! This 100% her behaviour was not ok towards her partner and the yelling in the streets but if he was sober then she's not in the wrong for drinking as a sober adult was with their child.

You're still missing the point. That child was not being taken care of with what they witnessed

It sounds like the father was also arguing with the drunken mother. And he smashed up his own phone. So sober or not- totally inappropriate and toxic behaviour from the father as well.

Can we please stop making excuses for poor parenting from the mother. Even if her partner was sober - her staying up all night drinking with her child in the house is so irresponsible and unhealthy.

This 100% her behaviour was not ok towards her partner and the yelling in the streets but if he was sober then she's not in the wrong for drinking as a sober adult was with their child

You are missing the part that one parent can be sober as a judge, but if the other parent is pissed as a fart and behaving badly then they ARE in the wrong for drinking as their child is witnessing their adverse behaviour which is a form of child abuse, hence why police refer to SS.

he took our 3 yo to neighbours so police couldnt see me in that state having a Child at home

That’s from the OP. That’s in no way normal when one parent decides to have some alcohol, knowing the other parent is sober. The parent drinking would be fine if police rocked up for whatever reason (unrelated to the drinking). If a sober parent thinks it’s such a shitshow that police may need to get social services involved if they arrive then, yes, the parent drinking IS definitely in the wrong, irrespective of a sober person being present. No idea why people are trying to claim otherwise?

I work.as a child protection laeyer. Childrens services will.investigate the case. They may ask for your child to live elsewhere why they do this they may not. Be honest with yourself about the extent if any of your alcohol use. If you struggle with drinking get some help.

They can test your hair and or blood for signs of excess use. Work with them they want to keep children at home.

Really? 🤔

I hope you learn a hard lesson. You need it. Poor child.