Alcohol,police,social services

[Elewina]

Hi all i really hope youre well and that you could help me. I'm not proud at all of what I've done, embarased heartbroken and dissapointed with myself
Saturday I was anoyed
with my partner as we going through hard times and he wasn't talking nicely about me to his friend over the phone and i could hear all that. I was still toxicated from friday night we've stayed up till morning. I was so angry at him that and we've started the argument. He didn't do anything bad at all. I don't know why I've rang 999 ,however i hang up. They turned up anyway and before that he took our 3 yo to neighbours so police couldnt see me in that state having a Child at home. But I was trying to take her back home but he wouldnt let me. I've made a scene on the estate was screaming and hit my partner and back home. Police turned in and I told them that I've accidentaly rang them. Anyway they wasn't rushing to leave and was looking around. Long story short I've been arrested for an assault and criminal damage(his phone which he smashed himself) he was begging them to not arrest me but theyve had to after speaking to there's boss. I was discharged after 10hours and now social services will be involved. Monday's gone and didn't hear anything. I'm so nervous what will happening next.
When will they contact me and what can happen?
My child is well looked after. Shes my everything. Nursery can't stop complementing her. No issues with her development either.shes always happy to see me or her dad when colecting her.
Whats the procedure? How often will they visit us. How long will they stay with us for? Will they test for alcohol? I won't touch alcohol ever again as lessons learned(i know too little too late) however i did like my beer in the past and it was quite regular at night time.
I've never been that scared in my life.
Please any help/advise will be appreciated

So, assuming the fight/police stuff never happened, what was your intention? If you and your DP had thrown an all-nighter and were intoxicated, who was going to be looking after the 3yo this morning while you were sleeping it off?

I did like my beer in the past and it was quite regular at night time

It sounds as though you have a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Make sure you get the proper support to stop drinking. You may be not regularly drinking now, but you don't seem to know when is a sensible point to stop when you do drink.

This might be the most extremely time but people don't go from good parent to all night drinking and abusing their partner and child. Your behaviour was abusive. There will be 'less' serious incidents before this one, maybe many, maybe things you dont remember because of the alcohol. You don't have to be honest to us, but at least be honest with yourself. If you minimise the problem and make excuses for yourself and say this is a one off you will never be able to beat this, you will never get better and your child will continue to be exposed to domestic abuse. I hope she doesn't slip through the cracks and someone sees what goings on and saves you. If you continue to lie you're going to be the person she needs saving from.

If she's going to continue to pretend it isn't a problem it's best that social services know what she really thinks.

Yes. YABU. This isn’t one thing, it's not just the drinking, it’s a whole collection of behaviours that need addressing.
Aside from the drinking you have been charged with assault and criminal damage, created a whole scene in the street that involved the police, and you have hit your partner after over hearing by your own admittance him say nice things about you. Also, how does anyone accidentally phone the police? Can you imagine what this thread would be like if you were a woman on the receiving end of this? It would have domestic violence all over it.
As well as the help for drinking I would also start looking to deal with the domestic abuse and anger/control issues you have thrown at your partner over what from what you have told us was over pretty much nothing. I think that’s plenty for SS to be getting on with tbh.

It seems you aren’t able to prioritise your child’s needs if you are getting intoxicated, staying up all night and being violent and aggressive.
You need to decide if you are going to be able to prioritise your child or continue your current lifestyle.

That is true but my advice was not to minimise the issues i.e. to be open and transparent- I suspect they will get a very clear picture of what’s happening regardless of what the parents say but it’s best to work with professionals involved - as they will be carrying out checks anyway

Hi OP, I see you said you intend to give up drinking. Seems like a good idea. Can I recommend that you expect this to be hard.
Alcohol is a seriously nasty addictive neuro toxin. It is hard to give up because our society is very keen on Alcohol, advertising, TV film social media are all the time brainwashing us into thinking drinking is cool its fun and it's harmless. As you have found out its not.
AA would be great for you but such is the social stigma in our society about Alcohol problems you may not want to go to their meetings.
But please if you read this post next time you struggle or if you slip and take a drink despite recent events, check out some resources. Giving up is very hard and using group support is one way to make it easier.

@Elewina You are far from a ''good mother'' if you are an angry, aggressive drunk who is so violent that her father took her to a neighbours house for safety.

Your poor daughter must have been terrified.

Work with social workers, not against them.

Thanks goodness social workers are now involved.

Agree completely.

I think it’s good that the vast majority of replies are not pussyfooting around the OP. After all, if this was a man who’d stayed up all night getting drunk, assaulted his female partner and no doubt terrified their toddler, he’d be crucified.

“I was still toxicated from friday night we've stayed up till morning”

Heavily implied that he was also drinking or doing something else which kept him up all night.

& for them to be arguing the morning after, her violent, him smashing up his own phone, doesn’t sound like he was sober and in a fit state to also look after his child.

Being in a home where the parent is drunk and abusive, {possibly stimulant use as well} police showing up, screeching aggression.
Sounds a chaotic, awful upbringing that would be frightening for any child to witness.

You are heartbroken, embarrassed, disappointed. Thinking of yourself.

Now rewrite your post from the point of view of a little three year old who witnessed her drunken, screaming, violent, totally irrational mother and examine the impact of all that on her childhood and life going forward.

Welcome SS into your home for the sake of your precious DC and work with every resource they can offer for as long as they can offer it to protect your child from you, the person who thinks she cares well for her child whilst being totally incapable of rational thought.

I think it sounds like she had been out drinking and the partner removed the child as she was clearly intoxicated and becoming violent. I honestly don’t think the partner was drinking, she’d have made it far far clearer in the OP to place the blame elsewhere. “We” could refer to other people she’d been with.

ETA- he was talking about her on the phone, to me that’s him venting she’d been out all night (likely “again”).

Lmao 🤣🤣🤣🤣 wow! What a comment 🙌🏻

@Elewina, irrespective of what you say, a child being raised in the environment you described is not "well looked after".

You were so heavily intoxicated following a night of drinking that your partner had to remove the child from their home for their own safety.

Not only this, but you failed to have any insight into why he'd done this and caused a scene trying to get the child back into your care.

Then you assaulted him.

All of this is absolutely atrocious and I'd be very surprised if this is the only time you've been so drunk that you were unable to parent your young child adequately.

Social services involvement is absolutely the right step here to safeguard your child.

I don't see any real accountability for your actions, the risks involved or the impact on your child.
I see minimising and excuses.

I fostered children and child services regularly drug tested the mother to see how well she was complying with the plan to get her child back

Domestic abuse where a person isstill pissed the morning after whilst looking after a three year old who witnesses the abusive behaviour, to the point their other parent removes them from the home, followed by a public screaming incident, an assault and an arrest is not "a bit of a mess"...

The fact you think it is, and that NORMAL responses are "Karens" is concerning - why do you think this ISN'T horrendous?

It implies you're either a victim of worse, so don't see this as that bad, or you're a perpetrator who is minimising this because you've done worse.

Either way you have a really fucked up perspective of what constitutes a "bit of a mess".

I'm sure you'll come back with some dismissive response, but that would just prove your skewed thinking further.

What by being disgusted? True that nothing will happen but that’s because of an incredibly low bar for parenting and the fact that we don’t police who can procreate so social services are overrun rather than anything else.

This. JFC sort yourself out.

Jesus Christ you’ve a low bar. So unless the child is in danger of what suffering violence then it’s ok to see parents fighting and drunk so that the police turn up? Trauma is not just about physical danger.

I think OP has realised her mistakes here and is very remorseful her actions.

Dont think she needs judgements by people on here giving her shit for actions she’s realised are wrong and is now suffering the consequences for.

You do not know me, do not know my life, my back story or anything about me what so ever. So again your judgemental comments are laughable 🫶🏻

Well said, it’s unbelievable that people think it’s not that bad, granted only a couple thankfully. Having the police round and shouting in the street. It’s like an episode of Shameless.

Her locus of control is off, that is worrying, they are all I statements. Also worrying that we are being told that the child is happy and thriving. Surely that’s a basic of parenting why mention it? The focus should be all about the child. It’s not, that is what is worrying.

You have minimised your behaviour and seem to think that drinking all night is just a bit naughty , but it’s not normal behaviour at all and certainly not with baby .
you need to wake up to the fact you need help

drunk , screaming, abusive , police - your child witnessed all this !! This isn’t just a bit embarrassing or shameful it’s child abuse and will be categorised as such in the records a child witness to DV it’s been classified as child trauma for a few years now

can you really just give up without help ? Most people who have disordered drinking need help , lots of it for a long time

SS are over stretched so not sure how long it will take , they will drug and drink test you and will find out everything from that so don’t bull shit them with I “stick to he recommend 14 units a week” they used a hair sample and know if you use any form of drugs too , these tests can’t be faked they use hair because it detects drink and drug use over months , so be honest with what you are using . They will test you both