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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Alcohol,police,social services

128 replies

Elewina · 06/01/2025 21:35

Hi all i really hope youre well and that you could help me. I'm not proud at all of what I've done, embarased heartbroken and dissapointed with myself
Saturday I was anoyed
with my partner as we going through hard times and he wasn't talking nicely about me to his friend over the phone and i could hear all that. I was still toxicated from friday night we've stayed up till morning. I was so angry at him that and we've started the argument. He didn't do anything bad at all. I don't know why I've rang 999 ,however i hang up. They turned up anyway and before that he took our 3 yo to neighbours so police couldnt see me in that state having a Child at home. But I was trying to take her back home but he wouldnt let me. I've made a scene on the estate was screaming and hit my partner and back home. Police turned in and I told them that I've accidentaly rang them. Anyway they wasn't rushing to leave and was looking around. Long story short I've been arrested for an assault and criminal damage(his phone which he smashed himself) he was begging them to not arrest me but theyve had to after speaking to there's boss. I was discharged after 10hours and now social services will be involved. Monday's gone and didn't hear anything. I'm so nervous what will happening next.
When will they contact me and what can happen?
My child is well looked after. Shes my everything. Nursery can't stop complementing her. No issues with her development either.shes always happy to see me or her dad when colecting her.
Whats the procedure? How often will they visit us. How long will they stay with us for? Will they test for alcohol? I won't touch alcohol ever again as lessons learned(i know too little too late) however i did like my beer in the past and it was quite regular at night time.
I've never been that scared in my life.
Please any help/advise will be appreciated

OP posts:
Looloolullabelle · 06/01/2025 22:23

My mother was a raging alcoholic. My grandparents took us one evening when she was out of it and called social services. They came out, spoke to my mother and closed the case, despite my grandparents knowing that my mother had been drinking that morning. They did nothing.

To be honest, no child should be in the care of a parent who is so drunk they behave appallingly. I hope they do more in your case than they did in mine, but I doubt they will.

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 06/01/2025 22:26

Christ alive. Do better. Have some standards and pull yourself together.

HeeleighWay · 06/01/2025 22:26

Mumto42005 · 06/01/2025 22:15

@HeeleighWay - please could you tell me how you see this? I’m genuinely asking in a non-confrontational way as I see this sometimes on posts by users and have no idea how to see this myself so genuinely curious 😂

I’m so useless I don’t even know how to get back to threads I’ve read sometimes lol 😂

I just happened to be on here and the first person to comment and then seen the other thread straight away too.

FiatMultiplaWhopper · 06/01/2025 22:34

I hope you get the help you need. But you need to get real about how this is and will effect your daughter.

SmellyNelliey · 06/01/2025 22:36

OP be true to yourself,your child isn't safe while your both under the influence,had the child hurt them self's or became poorly you wouldn't of been able to care for them.
Due to the increase of cases regarding SS and neglect , they are now doing lots of unannounced visits rather then a phone call to pre warn you that they will be making a visit.
When SS knock engage with them,they are there to help you and make sure your child is cared for loved and not neglected.

red5678 · 06/01/2025 22:38

2 years sober here after a rock bottom experience myself ... admittedly no children involved but there was consequences I still shudder about. It was the best thing that happened to me in thff eeg end as I'm living a life I'm really happy in now . Don't get me wrong my life isn't perfect but it's a million times better. Sometimes a hand hold that you might be looking for isn't a good thing. Behaviour has consequences and this is a really tough lesson but one it sounds like you needed . Stay away from drink it's the devil xx

Hyperbowl · 06/01/2025 22:46

It sounds as though you were using the threat of calling the police as an emotional tactic to scare your DP into getting your own way in the argument because you were intoxicated and out of control. It backfired with huge consequences. You may as well be honest, is this usual behaviour for you? Your child is not by a long stretch in a safe environment under the circumstances that you have given us.

As PP have said, it’s not normal to be drinking so heavily when you have a child in the house. If you and your partner were both drinking all night then that is an extremely serious safeguarding issue by itself without the domestic violence. It sounds as though your partner may not be an appropriate adult if he was also drinking and he’s smashed his phone and lied and said it was you. Are you sure it wasn’t you but you just can’t remember doing it or is he prone to telling lies about you? Either way it’s not good at all.

Alcohol is a depressant, it slows down your reactions in the event of an emergency and often goes hand in hand with neglect because you lose the ability to appropriately and safely care for your child whilst intoxicated. It makes people’s moods and behaviour irrational and unpredictable. Your child is extremely young and is fully dependent on you.

Your partner may be told by social services to leave you because the abuse you perpetrated was not only against your child’s other parent but in the presence of your child which as others have stated is child abuse. That’s if he can prove he’s a responsible adult himself. They may only allow you supervised visits with your child and they could end up making you take regular alcohol and drugs tests to ensure you’re not using. Where is your daughter now? If you’re both deemed a safeguarding risk to you daughter then she could end up in foster care until you can prove you’re able to care for her.

You are going to have to jump through as many hoops as social services deem necessary. That means you must stop drinking and any substance use. Your house must be clean and free from trip hazards and fire hazards. You must show that you can offer your child routine, that means regular meals at an appropriate time, clean clothes, adequate bedtime and bath time routines, your child regularly attending nursery.

Engage in any counselling or courses they may offer you, relationship and alcohol/substance abuse. You need to seek help for any anger or control issues that you may have and you need to provide a loving and emotionally stable home for your child. If your relationship is toxic then you need to leave it if you cannot provide a healthy environment living with your partner for the sake of your child’s emotional wellbeing.

red5678 · 06/01/2025 22:46

It also sounds to me like there might be drugs involved? Staying up till morning etc

SpringIscomingalso · 06/01/2025 22:52

This reply has been deleted

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CheekyOrca · 06/01/2025 23:34

Hyperbowl · 06/01/2025 22:19

How do you know this isn’t the first time?

Years of experience as a safeguarding social worker …

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/01/2025 23:41

RocketPanda · 06/01/2025 21:51

And don't come on whinging about needing support and kindness because in all honesty the only one in need of that is your little girl.

And the partner who got hit and tried to protect his young child from her drunk, violent, chaotic mother.

Kibble29 · 06/01/2025 23:44

“She’s my everything”

Sure.

Mumto42005 · 07/01/2025 00:04

@HeeleighWay Ah no worries - thank you for letting me know!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 07/01/2025 00:08

You are minimising your behaviour and the impact on your family. Time to grow up. Show that you can change.

nonbinaryfinery · 07/01/2025 00:14

Sort yourself out for fucks sake. Utterly disgusting behaviour.

WellsAndThistles · 07/01/2025 02:20

You sound totally toxic, if you're blaming the alcohol for your behaviour you were absolutely not in a fit state to care for a 3 year old.

I'm amazed any neighbours will open the door to you.

MerryMaker · 07/01/2025 02:37

If there really is nothing more and your child is well looked after, nothing will happen long term. Social Services will contact you. They might visit you and monitor you for a bit, they might not. Just be clear you know you are in the wrong, and what you are doing to make sure it does not happen again.

MerryMaker · 07/01/2025 02:40

And OP there are a lot of people on this thread talking absolute crap.

Iloveburgerswaymorethanishould · 07/01/2025 03:03

red5678 · 06/01/2025 22:46

It also sounds to me like there might be drugs involved? Staying up till morning etc

I was just going to post this myself!! Plus with the extreme reactions sounds like the start of a come down. OP I’d be expecting SS to do drug tests also as they will know the score.

MerryMaker · 07/01/2025 03:11

Why would SS do drug tests? They are not the police.

AnnaL94 · 07/01/2025 03:12

What was the reasoning for doing an all nighter drinking alcohol with your 3 year old child in the house?

Do you this regularly?

Do you take drugs as well? Any cocaine?

The relationship sounds abusive and toxic from both parties. Is this the first time you’ve been violent to him? Has he ever been violent to you?

You really do need to engage with the authorities and social services. Be totally honest with them, about everything that’s happening in your life.

From an outsiders view, I don’t think your household is a safe environment for your child.

You also need to reflect on your relationship. Is it a healthy and loving one? Is there always arguments and drama? If so, it’s probably in the best interest for you both and your child if you separate and get support how you can safely and happily co-parent.

Please seek out support for your alcohol use (and any drugs if you do take them. Don’t be ashamed to admit that you do. It’s just all nighters and drugs go hand in hand).

Please try and turn this around for your child. She deserves better. I wish you well and good luck.

MerryMaker · 07/01/2025 03:16

@AnnaL94 Behave yourself. Nothing the OP has posted indicates her child is in any danger.

ZippyCat · 07/01/2025 03:18

Their involvement is absolutely necessary because of those actions you took and how you behaved in front of your child and how you treated your partner quite tightly social services should be fully investigating your parenting and drinking ss will do past checks on you so any previous issues etc I have absolutely no sympathy for you op the child must have been terrified

AnnaL94 · 07/01/2025 03:19

MerryMaker · 07/01/2025 03:16

@AnnaL94 Behave yourself. Nothing the OP has posted indicates her child is in any danger.

Are you serious?

She spent the whole night drinking alcohol and was still intoxicated and physically violent during the day and causing a scene in her street whilst she should have been caring for her THREE year old child.

MerryMaker · 07/01/2025 03:21

@AnnaL94 The father was caring for the child and even took the child to a neighbour so they would not hear OP being drunk and ranting.
If OP had been alone with her child, the situation would be unsafe.

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