Alcohol,police,social services

[Elewina]

Hi all i really hope youre well and that you could help me. I'm not proud at all of what I've done, embarased heartbroken and dissapointed with myself
Saturday I was anoyed
with my partner as we going through hard times and he wasn't talking nicely about me to his friend over the phone and i could hear all that. I was still toxicated from friday night we've stayed up till morning. I was so angry at him that and we've started the argument. He didn't do anything bad at all. I don't know why I've rang 999 ,however i hang up. They turned up anyway and before that he took our 3 yo to neighbours so police couldnt see me in that state having a Child at home. But I was trying to take her back home but he wouldnt let me. I've made a scene on the estate was screaming and hit my partner and back home. Police turned in and I told them that I've accidentaly rang them. Anyway they wasn't rushing to leave and was looking around. Long story short I've been arrested for an assault and criminal damage(his phone which he smashed himself) he was begging them to not arrest me but theyve had to after speaking to there's boss. I was discharged after 10hours and now social services will be involved. Monday's gone and didn't hear anything. I'm so nervous what will happening next.
When will they contact me and what can happen?
My child is well looked after. Shes my everything. Nursery can't stop complementing her. No issues with her development either.shes always happy to see me or her dad when colecting her.
Whats the procedure? How often will they visit us. How long will they stay with us for? Will they test for alcohol? I won't touch alcohol ever again as lessons learned(i know too little too late) however i did like my beer in the past and it was quite regular at night time.
I've never been that scared in my life.
Please any help/advise will be appreciated

OP simply saying you will stop drinking is not really enough though. What will you do to make sure you do stop or keep at reasonable levels? You might for example decide to go to AA or similar.

Nah I’m sorry but simply taking the child next door doesn’t make that child’s home any safer.

They stayed awake the full night drinking. (Possible drugs. Obviously we don’t know but I think it’s very likely) they had an argument whilst the child was in the house. The OP was then violent and caused a scene outside in view of the neighbours.

That is an incredibly toxic and unsafe environment for a child of any age. So no, I won’t “behave” myself.

@AnnaL94 The OPs behaviour was less than ideal. But the child was not in any danger.
You have decided to make up that you think both parents were doing drugs. Make up a scenario if you want in your head.

If the child wasn’t in any danger I’m wondering why the OP’s partner took the child to the neighbours? If it’s not dangerous then surely you can see that’s it’s a toxic environment.

I haven’t decided that the OP was doing drugs. I said it’s likely that she was doing them. I’m not naive or sheltered, from experience drugs are very likely involved with all-night sessions, erratic and violent/aggressive behaviour. I’m also not the only one on this thread to think that either.

But we can agree to disagree.

Anyway, I hope the OP gets support and her child isn’t exposed to her and her partners arguments or violence.

@MerryMaker The OPs behaviour was less than ideal. But the child was not in any danger.
You have decided to make up that you think both parents were doing drugs. Make up a scenario if you want in your head

That’s not true according to OP. The child was in danger for the partner to decide she needed to go to a neighbours, unless they just randomly take her to neighbours places and drop her for jollies? Also, OP states, that in a state, she went to neighbours to retrieve the child (so the child could witness the ongoing shitshow at home- this seemed like a good idea to OP). Then there was a kerfuffle over retrieving the child which led to OP kicking off presumably so the child could hear/see.

You must seriously have a low bar for ‘the child was not in any danger’. Witnessing this shit show, having to be removed from your house, and then continuing with the shit show. That’s all ‘danger’ for a child. In addition to yourself, the OP is also blind to this given the ‘child is complemented at nursery’ so she is well looked after rhetoric.

I would never have any more than two while I've a child under my care. Children shoulder be around that sort of behaviour.

@MerryMaker of course the child was in danger. Do you understand the impact these kind of things can have on children emotionally?

It was first time

And the last one

Shit parents always come out with this tired old crap, it's like it's written in a handbook for them.
What they mean is 'my child is my everything and I quite like having them around as long as they don't interfere with my drinking/drug taking/dating inappropriate people'.
If the child truly was a parents everything this situation wouldn't have happened as the parent would realise that staying up all night getting pissed and fighting with their partner the morning after whilst still pissed wouldn't be in the child's best interest.
Most people don't need to say 'my child is my everything' as it shows in their actions.

This is really terrible. You need a lot of help for the sake of your daughter. Please change drastically 💔

Are you actually serious 😳. I hope someone is keeping an eye on your children if you have any 💔

You need help op and I help you get it. It sounds messy because it is. You shouldn’t be looking after a child that drunk.

What I would expect likely to happen, and I don't know if it holds for your area or situation: Minimum of six months involvement from social services (I'd say likely more for your case). They will talk to anyone involved in the care of your child (doctor, schools, preschools, that sort of thing) to gather information. Some form of counselling in place, probably with drug and alcohol counselling support. Maybe parenting classes. Any other areas of need you haven't mentioned will also be addressed. It's up to those involved in your case to make an evaluation and decide what is needed in your situation. I know it's scary now but hopefully you will be able to look back and feel it was all helpful in the end.

“My child is well looked after. Shes my everything.”

No, alcohol is your everything. You’re
emotionally abusing your child.

If you had both been drinking all night, which it sounds like you were. Who was going to look after your three year old when you eventually passed out asleep during the day?

All sounds a horrible environment for her, please take this as a wake up call and get help OP before something much worse happens.

Where has she said the partner was drinking?

I noticed that you “did like my beer in the past”.
Unless I’m reading this wrongly “the past” was only three nights ago when you drank enough alcohol to attack your partner, have police called, cause a scene where you live and distress your small child.
My one piece of advice to you would be (apart from stay off the booze obviously) not to minimise this when speaking to social services- the “yes I used to drink but there’s no problem now” approach will really get their interest

@Elewina I work for a drug and alcohol service, my advice is to refer yourself to one now before social services contact you. Google your "county/city drug and alcohol service" to find the right one. You can also attend AA/SMART Recovery online.

They will be able to support you with stopping alcohol and can also lease with social services and keep them updated with your progression.

OP - there are some good threads on here in the 'alcohol support' topic if you want support to stay sober. Now is a good time as many people are doing 'Dry January' so you will have solidarity to help get you through the difficult first few weeks. Wishing you luck

You're wrong there. If OP was drunk and behaving erratically, the child was absolutely in danger. Not to mention how distressing it must have been for the child to see her parent in that state.

That poor child.

You're both disgraceful and selfish.

I did not drink when in charge of my DCs until DD was 15 and even then, a glass of wine. And even when they were with family for an evening, I would moderate drinking in case of an emergency.

How on earth you both think it's acceptable to drink to the point you're still that drunk the next morning is beyond me. You need to grow the fuck up.

Your OP is just excuses. If you're child is put under a protection order then good, because that poor little girl deserves better than you two violent childish drunks.

I am a survivor of a family where it was chaos and I've not spoken to my parents for over 25 years. I left home at 16 and slept rough because it was better than the abuse I went through at home.

You both need to split up, you both need to address your drinking and you both need anger management classes.
I've never read something on MN before that's made me so angry on behalf of a child.

https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

Get yourself to AA before social services takes your child away from you for being an abusive alcoholic & domestic abuser.