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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you give this to your partner if that is what he wants?

431 replies

Interestingone · 06/01/2025 18:17

Would you send a naked photograph to your partner if he asked?
Just that really. I am not sure if this is the norm between couples. Mine has asked but I'm not sure if I should or not.

How do you feel?
Would you or have you?

OP posts:
Whatthefuck3456 · 06/01/2025 21:41

Absolutely yes just keep your head off it or any distinctive tattoos where you can be recognised. I would!

JHound · 06/01/2025 21:42

YoureAGoodManArthurMorgan · 06/01/2025 20:50

It's surprising how many people think their lives would be ruined if a nude pic of them got around. I doubt you're of such importance that anyone would recognise you, let alone care.

You’re a man aren’t you?

Stuffisperplexing · 06/01/2025 21:43

SleeplessInWherever · 06/01/2025 21:34

A few months ago it came to my attention that a member of my team has an OF account. She takes pictures of herself and shares them with people who aren’t her husband.

Can confirm I haven’t sacked her!

Hope she got the drinks in with her side hustle money!

JHound · 06/01/2025 21:43

Stuffisperplexing · 06/01/2025 21:08

I feel sad for women who are so embarrassed by their own bodies. But furious with those who want to spread some sense of shame across the whole thing. Salem witch trials stuff.

Huh??

YoureAGoodManArthurMorgan · 06/01/2025 21:48

JHound · 06/01/2025 21:42

You’re a man aren’t you?

You really have no imagination.

JHound · 06/01/2025 21:50

YoureAGoodManArthurMorgan · 06/01/2025 21:48

You really have no imagination.

Guessed it.

YoureAGoodManArthurMorgan · 06/01/2025 21:57

JHound · 06/01/2025 21:50

Guessed it.

No, you didn't. You've just trotted out a rote insult, which this time and every other has been used incorrectly and ineffectively to try and shut down debate. Spare me.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 06/01/2025 21:57

JHound · 06/01/2025 21:42

You’re a man aren’t you?

I was about to say that. No woman would say such a thing.

YoureAGoodManArthurMorgan · 06/01/2025 21:58

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 06/01/2025 21:57

I was about to say that. No woman would say such a thing.

The universe has confounded you again.

Brefugee · 06/01/2025 22:00

RosesAndHellebores · 06/01/2025 18:24

No. TBF I've been with my DH for 35 years but in about 1976 when I was about 16, my mum said boyfriends sometimes ask for a naughty Polaroid or topless photo and the only answer was no because nobody could be trusted with something like that and certainly not a boyfriend.

DD's 26 and I had those conversations with her when she was much younger along with other keeping safe on-line conversations.

@Interestingone no and no some more. If he needs a photo to remind him of your gorgeousness, he's a frog. Chuck him back.

i remember when my DDs were teenagers and the topic of nude photos came up. And i said "don't do it" and their reaction was basically "duh! of course not. It was ok in your day when it was just a few polaroids that he kept in a shoe box under the bed" 😂

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 06/01/2025 22:00

YoureAGoodManArthurMorgan · 06/01/2025 21:58

The universe has confounded you again.

Just know you're busted mate.

mlc0 · 06/01/2025 22:01

I did this stupidly at 17 years old, to my boyfriend who I loved very much and trusted (we'd been together 2 years. My friend rang me one morning in a panic saying to look on Facebook, opened up Facebook and there was the pictures I'd sent to my boyfriend (uploaded by one of his 'friends' who he shared them with)  I remember closing my laptop and flinging it across my room and freaking out. I had to drop out of college because of the comments / sniggering (went back a year later to a different course when it was old news) but yeah it was shite, I'm nearly 30 now but will never forget that and always tell people NOT to do this!!!!

Delphiniumandlupins · 06/01/2025 22:02

Not with my face on. I would be a bit off with a partner asking.

YoureAGoodManArthurMorgan · 06/01/2025 22:03

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 06/01/2025 22:00

Just know you're busted mate.

Feel free report my post to MN and they can look over several years of posting history of my being female. It doesn't sound like you have anything better to do.

Unless this is some bizarre ruse to get a picture of my tits, in which case nice try 😁

DowntheDrainpipe · 06/01/2025 22:11

The topic has so many nuances to it. I’ve done it. I felt safe doing it - as safe as I could feel. And for me I think that’s the crux. Data breaches aside, I can’t be any more sure that a partner I love and trust won’t be the next Pelicot than I can that he won’t share my nude photos around. And for me, if I start to go down that road of non-trust, when I believe, as a woman in her 40s who tries to make sure, to the best of my ability, that the person I choose to enter into a relationship with is trustworthy, moral, and respects me, I would be better off not being in a relationship at all.

And that’s not to say that I don’t feel desperately sorry for women who did trust and that trust was abused - I do. In the same way I feel for women who have been abused in other ways. You can’t always know.

Now, would I send nude photos to a casual date or a new partner? No. I think that’s crazy because you don’t know them well enough. But for me, there is a point where I am already giving of my body, heart and brain, and if I choose to do that then I don’t see the difference.

BabyFever246 · 06/01/2025 22:13

God no. Could save it anywhere. Do anything with it. Now or in the future if you're on worse terms.

MaryGreenhill · 06/01/2025 22:14

Like hell .

thescandalwascontained · 06/01/2025 22:14

Nope

MoveToParis · 06/01/2025 22:16

YoureAGoodManArthurMorgan · 06/01/2025 21:27

Oh come off it, the conclusions on this thread are ludicrous. Plastered on boards outside your mum's house? Sacked immediately?

Also, I don't find calling women who behave differently to you idiots to be a great demonstration of your debating skills.

Have you shared nudes without the consent of the woman?
Many parents have ended up seeing their adult children’s nudes, so yes, not an over dramatisation really.

I think women should act as if they assume they will be shared.
And the thing is, men know that their daughters, sisters and mothers should act that way too. No man is owed nudes, he shouldn’t ask more than once.

YoureAGoodManArthurMorgan · 06/01/2025 22:24

MoveToParis · 06/01/2025 22:16

Have you shared nudes without the consent of the woman?
Many parents have ended up seeing their adult children’s nudes, so yes, not an over dramatisation really.

I think women should act as if they assume they will be shared.
And the thing is, men know that their daughters, sisters and mothers should act that way too. No man is owed nudes, he shouldn’t ask more than once.

I think women should act as if they assume they will be shared

This was my point earlier in the thread. I've sent some photos in my time, but nothing I'd be embarrassed about. I really wouldn't recommend sending embarrassing pictures of yourself full stop, nude or otherwise.

BlwyddynNewydd · 06/01/2025 22:26

No way

katter · 06/01/2025 23:22

Stuffisperplexing · 06/01/2025 21:08

I feel sad for women who are so embarrassed by their own bodies. But furious with those who want to spread some sense of shame across the whole thing. Salem witch trials stuff.

I probably fell less ashamed by my body than the average British women. Doesn't mean I want my naked pictures up on some revenge porn site with strange men leering over and commenting on them.
One in 5 men...
While you may trust your partner sensible precautions are not a bad thing. Reminds me of the women who give up their financial independence and then get horrified when their partner shafts them in the divorce.

Lentilweaver · 06/01/2025 23:25

I dont understand this ashamed of your body guff.
I dont even put my fully clothed pictures on social media. Its not cos I am ashamed. I am just a private person and share very little.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/01/2025 10:28

mlc0 · 06/01/2025 22:01

I did this stupidly at 17 years old, to my boyfriend who I loved very much and trusted (we'd been together 2 years. My friend rang me one morning in a panic saying to look on Facebook, opened up Facebook and there was the pictures I'd sent to my boyfriend (uploaded by one of his 'friends' who he shared them with)  I remember closing my laptop and flinging it across my room and freaking out. I had to drop out of college because of the comments / sniggering (went back a year later to a different course when it was old news) but yeah it was shite, I'm nearly 30 now but will never forget that and always tell people NOT to do this!!!!

@YoureAGoodManArthurMorgan - just because you don't think leaked nudes should be any big deal to the woman whose pictures are leaked, doesn't mean everyone agrees with you - as @mlc0's post demonstrates, leaked nudes can have a massive effect on someone's life.

Even if you are right when you say "It's surprising how many people think their lives would be ruined if a nude pic of them got around. I doubt you're of such importance that anyone would recognise you, let alone care." - that's not the only thing that matters - the reaction of the woman concerned matters too, and if she feels violated, humiliated, upset about nude photos of her circulating online, she has every right to feel that way.

@Stuffisperplexing - I think it isn't about women being embarrassed about their bodies (though as someone who has been overweight her whole life, I really DO understand that) - it's about consent and the betrayal of trust. A woman sends some pictures of herself to one person, for their eyes only (and even if this is not explicitly stated, surely it should be understood by the recipient), and for whatever reason, they share the picture.

She has explicitly consented to the recipient of the pictures seeing them, but there is no consent for other people, whether she knows them or not, to see them. She has trusted her partner with intimate images, and by sharing them, her partner has broken that trust.

I think that these are major issues.

Lentilweaver · 07/01/2025 10:38

Its part of the trend of women not being allowed to have any boundaries or being labelled "prudes".

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