I’m scared of using new/nice things

[thecherryfox]

Ok, the title sounds a little strange but I have anxiety over using nice things. I guess it stems from not having much money and if it breaks, I can’t afford a replacement. But it’s like I buy new clothes and I always think ‘I can’t wear that, I’ll save it for best’ and years later I never have an occasion to wear it and it just sits there unworn going to waste. I end up wearing ‘crap’ clothes whilst my good clothes sit untouched because I’m scared to wear it. This also applies to household items too, I have a food flask in the cupboard that I’m too scared to use incase I ruin it, so I keep that for best whilst I put leftover food in bowls with clingfilm or tatty plastic pots.

Does anyone else relate? Please share your stories so I don’t feel alone or crazy

@HellsBells67 Thanks, this is very helpful! I need to start with little things and move up.

@magicalmrmistoffelees I fully agree with you. It's not logical. it's a kind of stupid fear. I am keen on trying to not be like this...

I don’t know, maybe it’s because I don’t have many things. So those I do have, I use. If I had multiple pairs of trainers for example, it may feel more normal to have a few pairs unused in a cupboard.
I buy very few things, but what I do buy is good quality, and I use it. I can’t imagine having loads of new stuff in a cupboard, that’s just a waste of money to me. A luxury.

you're right and that sounds a much more healthy attitude! I am unfortunately not that far along and hence the OP appealed to me because I thought 'oh gosh, I am like this!'

I used to be terrible for "keeping things for best". I had breast cancer a few years back and I thought fuck it. Why on Earth wouldn't I use and enjoy my "best" things. So now I do. It's quite liberating.

Yes I have done this for years and years.
I have a brand new Stanley cup in the cupboard never used- I treated myself. Yet I use the tatty discoloured one I've had years.

I've done it with clothing, footwear, handbags- some worth £150+ and I think 'it's too nice'.

I used to do it with dc but learnt the hard way when expensive baby and toddler clothes were unable to be worn for that special occasion - I do it a bit with dc but nothing like I do with myself.

As a child I was living in a rich world one month where money was no object then we were very poor and hungry, struggling for basics.

It isn’t serving any purpose sitting in a drawer though, is it?
If I bought someone nice jewellery and they never wore it, I’d be upset and would want them to give it to someone who would wear it and enjoy it. Wouldn’t you feel the same?

Thank you for this, recognise so much of myself in these posts. It's fear.
Fear of using something up, especially something that can't be replaced (eg discontinued, was bought in another country)
Fear of damaging it
Fear of it being "too nice" for an ordinary day
Fear, I think, of liking it too much and not being able to always have it. It's "safe" while it's in eternal storage.

“Because every day is all there is” - I love this. Seriously thinking of printing it out and sticking it on my bedroom wall.

I'm single, no children, live alone. I'm not expecting to die for a good few decades, but I don't want my possessions to become a burden for whoever ends up with the job of sorting out my affairs, who will never appreciate the time and headspace they have taken up.

I used to be very much like you but I read something on here that really made sense to me , which was , " if you don't use it you are already living without it " . This really made me think.

Now you have said it, I think it’s having children that has helped with this, especially during lockdown. I want them to have the best of everything. I’ve learnt to stop myself saying leave it for best but it’s definitely gotten easier with them knowing what they want and wearing “their best” for everyday use.

Maybe for some of us it stems from the days we had to keep “our Sunday best” literally for our best.

Being worthy is absolutely a big part of it.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe thats so funny, I’ve walked past a beautiful new notebook multiple times today that I bought on Boxing Day. I so want to use it but haven’t. I’ve found a trick though, my 7yo, I let her use my notebooks to write me a note, she usually draws a picture, then I take them back as they are good to go until they are disappeared for good by one of my DDs.

I bought my god daughter a pair of diamond earrings (starter set) for her 16th birthday. The only thing I told her was they are meant to be worn! (Fair enough if she didn’t want to). When (not if) she lost one while wearing to let me know and I’d replace it with no bother.

Lord knows I lost a few of them over the years, I’ve also chipped stones, broken necklace chains , and all the rest. My DH’s wedding band broke and we’ll get it fixed. I really was only joking with him when he texted me the picture of it from work after it broke and I replied “well… It’s been a good run…I guess it’s all over!”

I’m also a knitter, and love to see holes and wear or pictures of the dog sleeping on the gifts I’ve made. Has your baby erupted from all ends on that baby blanket I knit? Wonderful, I hope it saved the carpet. Chuck it in the wash or give me some time to make a new one.

Please use stuff!

I think this is so common. I have never had this problem but can see where it arises from. I'm the opposite, I buy myself lovely things all the time. An expensive knit arrived today that I bought myself in the sales with Xmas money. I put it on as soon as I finished work. I tend to think, "Better start getting my money's worth!" The more wears, the better the value, right?
New makeup, skincare, I'm opening it and slapping it on ASAP!

I also used to be like this and I'm not entirely sure why - losing both parents whilst relatively young seems to have cured me.

I used to never wear dresses despite having quite a few - they were for special, for best, for an occasion... never for daily wear or work! I now wear dresses almost every day - mostly 'occasion appropriate' but really, every occasion is appropriate if your mind is in the right place!

I have many, some would say too many, sparkly dresses - massive sequins, tasteful glitter, detailed patterns, long, short... I just love sparkles and they make me feel so pretty! I never used to wear them - they're for a ball or a fancy gala or event... not anymore, Friday Night at Spoons? Metal gig at my local moshpit or Sunday lunch with dear friends? Throw caution to the wind and always wear the sparkles... ✨️

I am exactly the same OP and I hate it.

I bought some brand new boots at the start of winter but I just can’t wear them. Still wearing my old ones (same make and model but 13 years old) and the sole is literally falling off. Still can’t make the swap.

I am like it with everything - new clothes, perfumes etc.

I like buying 2nd hand things for this reason. It takes away the responsibility of having to look after brand new things. I also wonder who owned it before me and about their life story.

I'm surprised there are so many of us like this.
I don't know why I do it , I buy stuff and keep it in its package until I feel I "deserve it ". I won't open up the new "thing " I've bought myself until the bedroom is tidied enough I tell myself or I've done something I feel worthwhile enough to deserve opening it and using it.
Won't wear the new pjs till I deserve to wear them etc.
My eldest daughter tells me off about it but I've got worse I think as I'm getting older , it's got to be self esteem I think

How about this? Everyone in this thread go out and use or wear or consume that thing that you’ve been saving some time in the next week and come back and let us all know how it felt.

Please, it’s a new year and there is no time like the present to make a small change.

Use the notebook, pull out the good dishes, wear the new shoes or boots!

I'm in! I got a lovely cream cashmere jumper for Christmas, and I've been putting off wearing it because of imaginary spillages. I'm not even messy! 😂 Going to wear that tomorrow, and I bet not one drop of tomato soup will end up on it! Proof it's all a figment of imagination!

Nice! I love cashmere. If it helps the cause on my to do list this week is repair a wool wrap I spent about a year knitting. I found out on Saturday that one of my cats (once again!) ate the corner off so I have to find yarn to repair it.

While I’m at it I’ll pick out yarn that I was ‘saving’ and find a project for it.

so tonight I ordered a trouser suit but second hand (to overcome the newness issue), it will be for some family events - I am going to wear it the day it arrives. I am between two sizes and got the larger size, so can be slouchy and layer warm thin jumpers underneath.

I love it.
That was one of my DDads expressions in life - nae pockets in a shroud!

We had the good Denby out at Christmas and we really should use it more...

Such a shame!

When my mum died she had all these beautiful candles never lit cost ££££ and they didn't smell of anything by the time she died. What a waste

My dad grew up very poor and is like this. He has this expensive leather jacket in the cupboard for the last 20 years and has never worn it.
Try watching some minimalist videos on youtube. I found some of the advice there so freeing.

@AliceMcK I was thinking the same thing some of it must stem from the days of people keeping their best clothes for church. But they probably wore those clothes every week not waiting for a function to wear them too.

I'm not too bad with clothes. Although I should have a clear out of my drawer's. T-shirts with holes, and fancy underwear that nolonger fits that i dream of fitting back into.
My current nice undies do get used, just because I can.

It's perfumes and toiletries that I hoard. I should ditch some that have been loitering for too long and use the new stuff.

I'm guilty of keeping stuff unused and tucked away. This thread has made me think my behavour is a bit mad. Tomorrow I'm going to throw caution to the wind and take the lovely designer guild rug I bought last year out from storage and allow it to be walked on. Yes who in their right mind buys a rug and then squirrels it away lest it be walked on...

It’s a bit mad because I’m on a fairly high salary for my age (£42k in 20s) but you’d think I was on minimum wage by seeing how restrictive I was. I started using my nicer things and actually feel a bit of a lifestyle shift, if that makes sense.