To not invite Best Man’s girlfriend to my hen party?

[BusyBride]

I’ll try not to make this too long but give all the relevant details. My Fiancé (DF) and I are getting married abroad at the end of the summer with around 25 guests attending. DF’s friend is the best man and he’s been with his girlfriend for almost 2 years.

When friend and GF first started dating DF and I made every effort to make her feel welcome when we were all together and tried to get to know her but despite this she has always been very stand-offish. I don’t know her enough to dislike her but we seem to have very little in common and trying to have a conversation with her is impossible as it’s all one sided. When we meet I’m polite to her but I have to admit I no longer make as much of an effort to try and make a connection.

This brings me to my AIBU, where I am open to being told I am unreasonable. We are starting to plan our stag and hen parties (apologies to anyone who hates them) and when discussing mine with DF he realised I wasn’t planning on inviting Best Man’s GF. DF finds her hard work too and said that if we were having our wedding here then he wouldn’t expect me to invite her to the hen but as we’re getting married abroad and she’s coming to the wedding he thinks it’s unfair to not at least extend an invitation. My argument is that I am inviting only my closest family and friends, none of whom
she has met before. We will be going for dinner and drinks later in the evening but the early part of it will be an activity where we will be mingling and socialising, I really don’t want to be the only person there whom she knows and therefore not get to spend time catching up with my loved ones.

I'd invite her. She might not want to go, and if she did, I wouldn't spend a whole lot of time looking after her, she would just have to muck in. But it would be a nice thing to do.
She'd know more people at the wedding as well then.

(I also think it's fine if you don't invite her, it's your hen do.)

is The hen do near in time to the wedding and abroad, but f so it’s a bit mean to expect the girl friend to stay in by herself

Out of interest though, is DF inviting the partners of your bridesmaids, etc. to his stag do?

She's not your mate, she's your DF's mate's girlfriend. No need for her to be at the hen do. She's his plus one.

Excellent question

I wouldn't invite her. It's your hen do for you and yours ...she's not in that category (harsh though that sounds).

I think I’d invite her, but not spend time babysitting her. Perfectly reasonable not to invite her though.

Is your bridesmaid has a male plus one, is he invited to the stag do?

The hen party will be 2 months before the wedding. My only bridesmaid is my sister so yes DF is inviting her husband to his stag party but they will be brothers in law but I get where you’re coming from @yorktown

I personally wouldn't invite her. She's coming to the wedding and that's the main thing. It's your hen, you should have your friends and family that that you're comfortable around and who you want there. I'm getting married in a few months and the hen do is one thing I really would not invite people to out of obligation

She won't go. She clearly feels the same way about you as you do about her. I doubt she'd want to go to your hen with loads of people she doesn't know. I'd invite her to be polite; at least then the refusal is on her end and not yours.

It wouldn't occur to me to have invited her. Hens are for the brides friends and family. Not 'girlfriend of one of the groom's friends whom neither bride nor groom particularly like'. She's clearly not that into you either, so I doubt she'd be upset.

I'd invite her out of courtesy but she's likely to feel similar to you and not attend to be honest.

I wouldn't invite her, even out of courtesy. She's not your friend.

I wouldn’t invite her unless she’s the only woman who will be at the wedding that wasn’t invited, then I think it’s a bit mean to leave her out

I’d prob invite her, then you’ve done the courteous thing. And hope she regretfully declines 😂

who knows she might be delighted to be included and actually turn out to be a great laugh on the hen? X

I’d invite her. However your phrase of this is your time to catch up with loved ones, do you not see your family often? I assume not, hence why this is your time to catch up with them,?

if you just don’t like her and don’t want her there just own it.

I vote you’re not unreasonable. I’m a best man’s wife - wedding is this weekend - and not close to the bride, and I wasn’t offended to not be invited to her bachelorette party (we’re American). We’re not close, even though we’ve gotten together socially from time to time.

When we got married I didn't invite the wife of my DH's best man to my hen do. She's very pleasant but we are not friends and she had never met any of my friends. It would have been weird to invite her.

Same here. Surely hen dos are for closest friends and family. I think there were only 6 of us on mine. It didn't occur to me to invite my SIL or best man's girlfriend (who i barely knew). As far as I know no one was offended. This was 25 years ago though, maybe the etiquette has changed!

It didn’t cross my mind to consider inviting her until DF queried it. She won’t be the only woman attending the wedding who won’t be at the hen party as a few of my friends live elsewhere and can’t make the hen but will be at the wedding. Hopefully she’ll not give it a seconds thought either.

The easiest thing here is to say invite her and say ‘but I know you don’t know many people so please do bring a friend’. Then she’s not alone and only talking to you, but she gets to socialise with other guests so she knows them before the wedding so can mingle then more easily too.

I’m sort of in the position of the girlfriend in this situation (I’m not literally her).

A very good friend of DH is getting married and I like his partner but she’s 15 years younger than us, we have little in common, and I have no interest in going on her hen do.

They’re also getting married abroad and we are both invited to the wedding.

It hasn’t occurred to me that I might be invited on her hen do. I hope I’m not. I only ever see her with her partner and my DH. This thread has made me think I may ask DH to tell his mate to tell her I’m not expecting, nor do I want an invite to the hen do.

I wouldn't invite her, she's not your friend or family. Your hen do should be for you to enjoy yourself, let your hair down with people you love and who love you. Also your hen do has exactly fuck all to do with your dp. Stand your ground.

If I was in your position it wouldn't occur to me to invite her.

Inviting her and hoping she'll decline is a dangerous strategy. I can imagine her starting a thread here like:

"My boyfriend is going to be his BF's best man and the bride has invited me to her hen. I hardly know her really. It'll cost me £xxx to attend. I don't want to go but don't want to be rude. Would IBU to decline"

And then 50% of Mumsnet telling her it'd be rude.