To not invite Best Man’s girlfriend to my hen party?

[BusyBride]

I’ll try not to make this too long but give all the relevant details. My Fiancé (DF) and I are getting married abroad at the end of the summer with around 25 guests attending. DF’s friend is the best man and he’s been with his girlfriend for almost 2 years.

When friend and GF first started dating DF and I made every effort to make her feel welcome when we were all together and tried to get to know her but despite this she has always been very stand-offish. I don’t know her enough to dislike her but we seem to have very little in common and trying to have a conversation with her is impossible as it’s all one sided. When we meet I’m polite to her but I have to admit I no longer make as much of an effort to try and make a connection.

This brings me to my AIBU, where I am open to being told I am unreasonable. We are starting to plan our stag and hen parties (apologies to anyone who hates them) and when discussing mine with DF he realised I wasn’t planning on inviting Best Man’s GF. DF finds her hard work too and said that if we were having our wedding here then he wouldn’t expect me to invite her to the hen but as we’re getting married abroad and she’s coming to the wedding he thinks it’s unfair to not at least extend an invitation. My argument is that I am inviting only my closest family and friends, none of whom
she has met before. We will be going for dinner and drinks later in the evening but the early part of it will be an activity where we will be mingling and socialising, I really don’t want to be the only person there whom she knows and therefore not get to spend time catching up with my loved ones.

i would invite but expect a rejection... and if she comes, it might be an opportunity to get to know her a little better, cos it sounds like she's going to be in your lives for sometime anyway.

you say there is no real reason why you don't get on.. i was recently excluded from a hen do because myself and the brides mother don't see eye to eye. (i am the wife of dad). If i had been invited i had already decided i would politely decline, but the fact that they organised the hen do in secret and everyone chose to exclude me hurt..

I’d invite her and offer for her to bring a friend to keep her company.

Are the women on DF's side all invited to your hen do; his mum, sister, any cousins? Are all the men on your side invited to his stag do; your dad as well as BIL? If not then that may help show DF that it is just not the event for his mate's girlfriend.

I wouldn't invite her. I had a similar relationship with my sister in law (made effort, didn't really gel) and she invited me to her hen party. I thought it was a nice gesture and and olive branch. It was just really awkward as it was immediately obvious she'd only asked to be polite. I wish I hadn't gone!

This - hens are for close female friends/family members, not an addition to the wedding for all the guests? My hen dos (had a weekend and a night out) were just my personal friends who largely knew each other or had met before. Never crossed my mind to invite partners of the groomsmen.

I would invite her and look upon it as an opportunity to get to know her better. She's your future husband's best friend's partner so you will probably be spending a fair bit of time with her in the future. You say she's stand offish but that could just be social awkwardness or shyness. She probably won't come and make an excuse but at least you'll have extended the hand of friendship!

best man's gf isn't really invited to your wedding though, is she? She's essentially just a plus one for best man. If they broke up she wouldn't still come. So no, I don't think there should be any obligation to invite her on your hen, which is supposed to be for close friends and family.

She's hard work, makes no effort with you and you don't like her.

Why would you even think of inviting her?

Who cares if she finds out/what she thinks.

This is your big day and preparations. You do what you want to do!

This is spot on. It doesn't sound like you have any sort of close relationship outside of her being your DH's best man's girlfriend, OP. In those circumstances, of course it is perfectly reasonable not to invite her to your hen.

DD has just said that she expects large parts of her hen to be her school and university friends taking the piss out of her and bringing up embarrassing stories from her past. Which is fine but not something the best man's girlfriend can contribute to!

hens are for close female friends/family members, not an addition to the wedding for all the guests? My hen dos (had a weekend and a night out) were just my personal friends who largely knew each other or had met before. Never crossed my mind to invite partners of the groomsmen.

this ^

I wouldn't have invited her either.

I would invite her. Sounds like she'd be unlikely to go anyway.

I don't think you need to at all. The only reason you should would be if the hen and stag parties were abroad before the wedding and the only people GF knew in the country would be at the stag/hen party that day!

Invite her and tell her she's welcome to bring a friend as she won't know anybody. She probably won't come.

It's a small wedding. How many people will she know if she isn't invited to the hen do, where she could at least break ice with others?

I can see a whole thread on the dilemma of how do I say no to go to this hen do. I don't know anyone and have only been invited because my DBF is best man.

A scenario where the invited person ends up going to a hen do where neither she nor the hen want her to be at.

Has your DF asked his mate if his GF is interested? As it's your DHs idea let him explain to his mate why she's not invited if he feels he needs to.

She sounds introverted like me, I come across like this but I'm also autistic and I read people and know who to avoid (not saying that's her) but she definitely sounds introverted. My partner was best man for his friends wedding and I wasn't invited to the hen or anything so there's no real reason as to invite her (as harsh as that sounds) she's just a plus 1 like I was.

You are not being unreasonable, but I'd invite her to the hen regardless. You don't have to spend all your time "holding her hand" just do some basic introductions and then leave her to it - it might even help her make some new friends and may even improve her social skills.

I think the hen do is meant to be a close loving occasion with those who know and like you or love you. It's not like a birthday party.
I just had sisters mum and best friend.
I'm sure she won't care about being invited! Inviting her might even make her feel obliged to come when she doesn't want to.

You're not inviting all the women from the wedding guests and she's not a bridesmaid or part of the bride's wedding party so you don't need to invite her. Just tell DH that your hen party is for you to have fun and best man's gf will be detrimental to that so you're not inviting her. Not your monkey, not your circus.

Start telling him who he has to invite and see how that goes

I never invited the BM''s partner to my hen, though it was sort of arranged for me. I didn't even occur to me to suggest. She would have known noone and would have hated it. That was 20 years ago. I don't think she would have expected it. We weren't that close (similar situation to you, really).

As it turns out she wasn't that keen on me or my husband anyway and was never very encouraging about her husband meeting up with us and despite my DH's efforts they hardly keep in touch.

I wouldn't bother. I don't think it's 'expected'.

I didn't invite the partners of my DHs best friends (didn't do best men/bridesmaids etc) to my hen because they were their plus ones not my best friends. That said I only had a small hen do with 7 of my closest friends. I don't imagine she would want to attend given her reluctance to form a relationship - I really don't think you're under any obligation to invite her.

No I wouldn't invite her.

I didn't invite our best man's wife to mine - I'd met her a few times and she was nice enough but she's not one of my closest friends. It honestly never crossed my mind.

This isn't about upsetting people.

In her position I would not expect an invite.
In your position I would not extend an invite.

She is not your or your DPs friend. She is someone's plus one.

Hen party's are for a day/night with your nearest and dearest friends or family. She is neither.

I wouldn't invite her to the hen .

She's not your friend and has shown no interest in getting to know you .