To not invite Best Man’s girlfriend to my hen party?

[BusyBride]

I’ll try not to make this too long but give all the relevant details. My Fiancé (DF) and I are getting married abroad at the end of the summer with around 25 guests attending. DF’s friend is the best man and he’s been with his girlfriend for almost 2 years.

When friend and GF first started dating DF and I made every effort to make her feel welcome when we were all together and tried to get to know her but despite this she has always been very stand-offish. I don’t know her enough to dislike her but we seem to have very little in common and trying to have a conversation with her is impossible as it’s all one sided. When we meet I’m polite to her but I have to admit I no longer make as much of an effort to try and make a connection.

This brings me to my AIBU, where I am open to being told I am unreasonable. We are starting to plan our stag and hen parties (apologies to anyone who hates them) and when discussing mine with DF he realised I wasn’t planning on inviting Best Man’s GF. DF finds her hard work too and said that if we were having our wedding here then he wouldn’t expect me to invite her to the hen but as we’re getting married abroad and she’s coming to the wedding he thinks it’s unfair to not at least extend an invitation. My argument is that I am inviting only my closest family and friends, none of whom
she has met before. We will be going for dinner and drinks later in the evening but the early part of it will be an activity where we will be mingling and socialising, I really don’t want to be the only person there whom she knows and therefore not get to spend time catching up with my loved ones.

So at the hen party, which is supposed to be just for the bride's family and closest friends, she has to invite, not just the girlfriend of her husband's best mate, but this woman's friend that she's never met?

That's madness.

When my partner of (back then) 3 years was best man I wasn’t invited to the hen do - and it never even occurred to me to question this. I liked the bride and got on well with her but we weren’t friends in our own right - only saw each other with the four of us etc.

If you were having a massive hen do with dozens of people then maybe - but it sounds like just close friends and family and that is absolutely fine and normal

I'm out of touch with the whole hen night thing, but as it's a small close friends and family only thing I would explain that and stand your ground.

If there is a bigger pre-wedding drinks thing here or at the destination, of course she'll be invited to that and meet some people.

Invite her - she is stand-offish you say, she won't come.

Your point of being the only person she knows is very valid. Why should you be worrying about looking after her when you’re meant to be the centre of attention and having the best fun! Definitely don’t invite her!!!

Congrats, OP - all the arrangements sound lovely! Hope you have a wonderful build up and day.

If you have 25 guests coming to the wedding, I'd guess you might only have 10 or so coming to the hen? In that case if she comes and doesn't get stuck in then it will be quite noticeable. I think you're fine not to invite her in that case.

Invite her. The choice to go is hers. It's the polite thing to do.

I wouldn’t invite her.

Would it cross your mind to tell your DH to be that he ought to invite the partner of a friend of yours that he doesn’t really want to an event?

I bet it wouldn’t and I bet he’d be surprised if you tried to interfere.

Stand your ground. If she’d made an effort to get to know you, you would likely have invited her anyway. She didn’t.

These threads always make me laugh 🤣 all the commenters falling over themselves to be as PC in their response as possible.

This isn’t a PC event. There’s no “etiquette” to be followed. It’s your hen do. Your party with your closest women. You invite who the hell you want.
I’ve been on both sides of this, there were plenty of people I didn’t invite to my hen, because they weren’t in my closest circle, I’ve also been the wife of the best man.
I barely knew the bride, probably as much as you know your DFs Best Man’s GF. It didn’t even occur to me that she might have a hen do-I certainly wouldn’t have expected to be (nor wanted to be) invited. I didn’t know her family or friends and it would have been a very dull night for me 🤣

Surprised to see so many responses saying to invite her as she probably wont come. I think it’d be weird to invite her and wouldn’t cross my mind either if I was in your situation. She’d probably find it awkward too to be invited and start her own thread 😆…

please help me get out of hen party of person I barely know’

I would invite her, she probably won’t want to go anyway and will decline.

If she wants to go then you don’t need to babysit her.

Exactly. My DH has been a best man twice since we have been together. I get on great with both brides but we’re not friends independently of our husbands so did not expect to be invited to either Hen.

When we got married I did not invite his best man or ushers other halves as again, I liked them all a lot but we were not friends independently.

I would invite her as I think it would be a bit rude to have such a small overseas wedding and not have had the option to come to the hen.

I would hope/expect her to decline. If she did come I wouldn't babysit her. I might ask a friend to keep an eye on her as she doesn't know anyone.

Don't invite her, she may feel obliged to go (despite not wanting to) so it's a lose lose situation.

I didn't invite my DH best men's (he had two) girlfriends (now wives) to my hen do. I didn't really know one and hadn't met the other.
As she wont be the only one not attending the Hen but attending the wedding I think it is fine.

You have misunderstood the meaning of PC @WhimsicalGubbins76

I wouldn't invite her at all. Your hen do is for you, not your fiancé. He can invite her to his stag if he's that bothered.

34 years ago I didn't invite DH's Best Man's girlfriend to my hen do. We became much closer when we had babies around the same time.

Two years ago DIL didn't invite DS's Best man's girlfriend to her hen do.

Hen dos are for the bride's nearest and dearest not the groom's best friend's girl friend.

She has “owned it” — that’s the whole point of her post. Who would want a random misery guts at their hen do? Hen dos are about being doted on by your nearest and dearest girlfriends and female relatives, not babysitting your bf’s mate’s gf.

The hen is 2 months before the wedding.
You're inviting close family and friends, not every woman invited to the wedding day.
You don't know her very well.
Of course you don't invite her. This is no different to being invited to any wedding as a partner/plus 1.
Your DF is inviting her partner to his stag because they are good mates and he's his best man. That's completely different.

If I was in her position I wouldn't expect you to invite me to the Hen. I would expect you to be doing that with your close friends and family and wouldn't be offended at all if I didn't receive an invite. In fact I think I'd feel awkward if you invited me, although I would think it an incredibly kind gesture. The fact that I'd be going to your lovely wedding would be more than enough for me.

(I love a wedding, someone please invite me!!!)

No, hens are for close friends and family. I don't think she'd mind not being invited either!

You’re overthinking it, you are not responsible for her ‘enjoyment’ just invite her, and if she comes introduce her to everyone and then let her fend for herself. It doesn’t sound like she will come anyway but you can avoid any awkwardness by at least inviting her. I Invited a friend who didn’t know anyone else to my Hen do and it meant the wedding went even better as she then knew everyone already.