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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not invite Best Man’s girlfriend to my hen party?

139 replies

BusyBride · 06/01/2025 14:31

I’ll try not to make this too long but give all the relevant details. My Fiancé (DF) and I are getting married abroad at the end of the summer with around 25 guests attending. DF’s friend is the best man and he’s been with his girlfriend for almost 2 years.

When friend and GF first started dating DF and I made every effort to make her feel welcome when we were all together and tried to get to know her but despite this she has always been very stand-offish. I don’t know her enough to dislike her but we seem to have very little in common and trying to have a conversation with her is impossible as it’s all one sided. When we meet I’m polite to her but I have to admit I no longer make as much of an effort to try and make a connection.

This brings me to my AIBU, where I am open to being told I am unreasonable. We are starting to plan our stag and hen parties (apologies to anyone who hates them) and when discussing mine with DF he realised I wasn’t planning on inviting Best Man’s GF. DF finds her hard work too and said that if we were having our wedding here then he wouldn’t expect me to invite her to the hen but as we’re getting married abroad and she’s coming to the wedding he thinks it’s unfair to not at least extend an invitation. My argument is that I am inviting only my closest family and friends, none of whom
she has met before. We will be going for dinner and drinks later in the evening but the early part of it will be an activity where we will be mingling and socialising, I really don’t want to be the only person there whom she knows and therefore not get to spend time catching up with my loved ones.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 06/01/2025 15:00

It would be ludicrous to invite her imo. What on earth is your df thinking?

Richard1985 · 06/01/2025 15:00

My wife and my best friend's wife didn't go to each others hen dos despite getting on perfectly well

As said, it's for your friends and family and is awkward if she only knows one person (you)

there was no expectation of an invite or any hard feelings about it

Trumptonagain · 06/01/2025 15:00

I wouldn't invite her. If you don't get along to well socially she may even be relieved at not being invited.

She's going to the wedding as you DF's best man's girlfriend, which is all she is to you.

Sazzerss · 06/01/2025 15:01

Absolutely not.
Your Hen is for your friends.
She isn't a friend of yours.
Don't be guilted by him.

BusyBride · 06/01/2025 15:02

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/01/2025 15:00

It would be ludicrous to invite her imo. What on earth is your df thinking?

He is a beautiful person and doesn’t like upsetting people. I am much less of a people pleaser, hence the reason for my AIBU. I will be sticking with not inviting her, DF is fine either way, he just thinks it’s a bit odd lol.

OP posts:
Jl2014 · 06/01/2025 15:03

If I were her I really wouldn’t expect to be invited. I genuinely don’t think she would be upset at all.

pizzaHeart · 06/01/2025 15:05

littlemissalwaystired · 06/01/2025 14:40

I personally wouldn't invite her. She's coming to the wedding and that's the main thing. It's your hen, you should have your friends and family that that you're comfortable around and who you want there. I'm getting married in a few months and the hen do is one thing I really would not invite people to out of obligationSmile

This^

Ellie1015 · 06/01/2025 15:08

You should invite her if

1 - the hen do was part of the abroad wedding and she would otherwise be left alone.

2 - there are a group of couples friends and the other wives/girlfriends are invited (and i woould expect one of those wives/girlfriend to keep her company).

3 - if it was future sil but again would expect mil or other family to chat to her.

As none of these apply absolutely no reason to invite her. Fiance needs to stop feeling bad about it. Is he inviting your other friends boyfriends ie not your brother who by now is also his friend and soon to be family.

Winterskyfall · 06/01/2025 15:16

I wouldn't invite her. She's made no effort with you so why would you have her lessen your fun at your hen party. She may well cling on to you for the day/night if you are the only one she knows. And honestly, if I was her and didn't particularly like you I'd prefer not to be invited because I wouldn't want to come but I also wouldn't want to say no and be rude to my boyfriend's friends.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 06/01/2025 15:17

If she's not someone you'd socialise with on your own, then no, I wouldn't invite her. She's made it clear she wouldn't want to come anyway, so you'd both be resentful if you invited her and she felt she had to attend.

Lurkingandlearning · 06/01/2025 15:17

On the whole I agree with you about not inviting her but as her partner is going to be best man she is going to be spending a lot of the wedding on her own so I think I would invite her to the hen do, just so she’d met a few people she could chat with.

She doesn’t sound awful in that she’d sabotage your hen night. You and your good friends will hardly notice her standoffishness

Cosyblankets · 06/01/2025 15:20

yggvugg · 06/01/2025 14:50

The easiest thing here is to say invite her and say ‘but I know you don’t know many people so please do bring a friend’. Then she’s not alone and only talking to you, but she gets to socialise with other guests so she knows them before the wedding so can mingle then more easily too.

Good idea

Bearhunt468 · 06/01/2025 15:21

No, I didn't invite my DH best man wife to my hen do and he didn't invite my moh/bridesmaid partners to his stag. It's your hen and you have who you want there.

theeyeofdoe · 06/01/2025 15:22

I think it would be really odd to invite her.
You're clearly not friends....

LaDeeDaDeeDa · 06/01/2025 15:25

No i would not invite her!

The good relationship is between the two men. You've met her and a friendship has not taken off so there is no need to invite her to your hen do.

rubiconartist · 06/01/2025 15:26

I wouldn't invite her. The hen do was for my close friends and family not any woman also invited to the wedding. There were plenty of people who didn't come to my hen who did to the wedding.

She probably wouldn't come but what if she does? You've got somewhere there you don't really know or like which is awkward.

LibbyL92 · 06/01/2025 15:44

I’m also having a wedding abroad.

I was not planning on inviting my other halves best man’s, GF… barely know her. Not even a topic of discussion.

she’s coming abroad and will be doing mini hen out there which she will come to. But not my UK one. It’s close friends and some family members.

Nanny0gg · 06/01/2025 15:44

BusyBride · 06/01/2025 14:39

The hen party will be 2 months before the wedding. My only bridesmaid is my sister so yes DF is inviting her husband to his stag party but they will be brothers in law but I get where you’re coming from @yorktown

Hen parties are for friends and family

Not the whole wedding party

Notsureaboutusername · 06/01/2025 15:58

From what you have said you do not seem to have a connection which is a pity. But she may be relieved that she is not invited to the ‘Hen Do’ as she is not your friend.

JHound · 06/01/2025 16:02

Why on earth would “Best Man’s” girlfriend been invited - or have I misread it? Are you going overseas for the wedding and hen together? If so that would be highly unreasonable to not invite her.

mindutopia · 06/01/2025 16:06

Are you close? It doesn’t sound like it. If you want to invite her, do. If not, I think it’s fine. Dh has been best man twice and I’ve never been invited to the hen do, even though I am actually friends with the partners in a ‘couple friends’ sort of way. Unless you’re going for a huge hen do, I think it’s okay to just invite people you are actually independently friends with. But I think it’s also okay to extend an olive branch and an invitation, she may say no, but won’t be offended you offered.

thing47 · 06/01/2025 16:11

I have a.DD getting married this year @BusyBride so I asked her. She said no way, and thought the idea of inviting girlfriends of best man or ushers to her hen was very odd. Her fiance is not asking MoH's boyfriend of 2 years to his stag because they have only met a couple of times.

So your instincts are fine, go with them 🙂

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 06/01/2025 16:24

Oh I think yabu - it looks rude not to invite her but have her at the wedding

And she might just be shy? It doesn't sound like she's done anything unkind to you to warrant being left out, just is a bit different to you

I'd invite her but not go out of your way to babysit her as pp have said

CaurnieBred · 06/01/2025 16:29

I wouldn't invite her, but I would speak to the Best Man first to give him the heads up.

Gabitule · 06/01/2025 16:32

I would invite her (just in case not inviting her would upset DF’s best friend) but I would then get SF to text his friend and say ‘’hey, I know my DF invited your gf to her hen do. It would be so lovely if she came but if she doesn’t want to come we completely understand as the people at the hen do are people she hasn’t yet met and my DF won’t have time to chat with her much as she’ll have to interact with all her guests. Blah blah ‘’

I think there’s a high likelihood that she won’t come but if she does, she’ll already know what to expect so you don’t have to spend any time with her

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